jessica tnx til artiklen det hjalp mig virkelig. alligevel er jeg i en dr. vi taler kun telefonisk, jeg er et problem, der er ingen seksuelle aktiviteter i vores forhold, fordi er den, der afviser alle disse fra ham .Han bad om et kys og nægter, han fortsætter med at kysse en anden dame og kom endelig for at fortælle mig .pls gør jeg det rigtige? 3. august 2020, 19:22 krydret Jeg må sige, at dine artikler er virkelig nyttige. Jeg er i et langdistanceforhold. vi er langt, han er i havnegård og jeg er i Lagos, jeg vil vide, om det er dårligt at dele dine n * des med hinanden 9. april 2020, 17.46 saumya shah dejligt at læse artiklen og lærte meget af min langdistanceforhold. det er virkelig vanskeligt og vanskeligt at håndtere relationer, der ikke har fysisk interaktion i lang tid 11. januar 2020, 1:32 am katrien tak for at skrive dette! Jeg er i en ldr og jeg må indrømme, at usikkerhed undertiden overtager. Jeg prøver at kommunikere så godt jeg kan (hvilket er svært, fordi jeg er dårlig til det. God ting, at min kæreste er så god til det og kan give mig tid til at komme derhen). folk siger, at kommunikation er nøglen. og det er sandt det meste af tiden, men i dette tilfælde ville det være for stort at tale om enhver usikkerhed og skubbe ham væk. Jeg ved, at jeg ikke kan bede om beroligelse 24/7. men det er bare rart at læse, at jeg ikke er underlig for at have nogle af disse tanker og vigtigere: hvordan man kan slippe af med dem! Jeg ved, at han er en enestående mand, og det er det hele værd. men nogle gange hænger disse usikkerhedsskyer foran det. så igen, mange tak for denne in-dept artikel! 5. marts 2019, 17:51 caroline eric, mange tak for din skrivning. Jeg ender i ldr nu efter få måneder i forhold og at bo sammen. han trækker sig nu væk og beder mig give ham plads. Jeg indrømmer, at jeg er for trængende. vi kom fra forskellige lande og forskellige kulturer. Jeg elsker ham, da ingen har behandlet mig som ham før. Jeg har aldrig tænkt på min fremtid med min partner, før han dukkede op. Jeg troede, vi vil være helt fantastiske at leve sammen i fremtiden. tbh jeg er bange for hvis han ikke elsker mig mere. Jeg så det meste af “hvordan man laver ldr fungerer” video, og resultatet er at skype så ofte som muligt. men han hader skype. i mellemtiden har jeg ikke noget imod at tale i timevis. Jeg er jomfru, og han er fisk. vi er helt modsatte. Jeg vil forsøge ikke at fokusere for meget på ham. Jeg elsker din idé om 'at lade det gå', forestil dig at jeg var single. Jeg var fin og helt glad, da jeg var single. Jeg begynder at leve mit liv som før, når vi er adskilt. forhåbentlig vil han gerne se mig på oktober igen irl. tak, caroline 9. august 2018, 8:19 am lisa denne artikel er meget hjælpsom. det får mig til at forstå, hvorfor min bf har handlet som han har gjort for nylig. Jeg har været i en ldr i 4 år nu, alt gik godt! vi facetime og besked hinanden gennem sociale medier hver dag. han indleder opkaldene det meste af tiden. vi talte endda om at blive gift, så jeg kan flytte derovre, lukke afstanden og lever vores lykkeligt nogensinde. men på grund af hans forhold har ændret sig: han måtte flytte til en ny by for at få et nyt job, i et helt andet erhverv helt. det er overflødigt at sige, at vores lykkelige plan skal sætte på vent, og vores kommunikation har også lidt under på grund af denne ændring. facetime blev vanskelig på grund af ændringen i hans arbejdstid. messaging er blevet mindre og mindre… fra at sige hej hver dag, til bare emoji, så sendte jeg en besked til ham dagligt og ham svarede 2-3 dage efter, med undskyldningen om, at han har travlt med arbejde. fra dage gået til en uge, derefter 2 uger ... nu ved jeg efter at have læst din artikel, det var da mine bekymringer og frygt tog over. i stedet for at være den understøttende gf, blev alle beskeder, jeg sendte, afhørt ham og spurgte ham, hvad der foregik, hvorfor har han ikke sms'et tilbage. da jeg satte mig i hans sko, måtte jeg beskæftige mig med et nyt job i en ny professionel og sandsynligvis også forsøge at klare mig økonomisk, ud over alt hvad han havde at gøre med mig ... det er ret udmattende! jeg vil sandsynligvis heller ikke tale med mig! nu ved jeg, at problemet er med mig, ikke ham. min største bekymring er efter sidste gang jeg talte med ham for 3 uger siden, at han ikke har læst nogen af ​​min tekst eller afhentet, da jeg forsøgte at ansigt til ham. har jeg ødelagt mit forhold ud over reparationer? eller er der stadig håb for mig at redde mit forhold og leve lykkeligt? ethvert råd ville blive meget værdsat. 4. maj 2018, 17:12 kelly Jeg ville ikke have så meget af et problem med min langdistance, hvis han ikke var i konstant kontakt med sin eks -kone, der bor kun ti minutter fra ham. Jeg er klar over, at skilsmisse er rodet, men jeg begynder at spekulere på, om jeg skal holde fast. Jeg endte med at have en enorm indflydelse på ham (han begyndte at kopiere min livsstil, stoppede med at drikke, ryge osv.), og det gør mig glad. men lige nu føler jeg, at jeg er i den tabende ende af denne. Jeg havde en masse refleksionstid for nylig og indså endelig, at mine følelsesmæssige behov er langt større end hvad han kan give, måske overhovedet. for nylig, når jeg har opdraget, hvordan alt det, der foregår, har fået mig til at stole mindre på ham, slår det mig tilbage. Jeg kan ikke tale min mening, nogen lille ting får ham til at blive en vulkan, og det er alt, hvad jeg kan gøre for at holde mig væk. Jeg er nødt til at være ansvarlig for mine egne behov, men jeg føler ikke rigtig, at jeg får det, jeg har brug for, ud af dette forhold. han afskriver mig bare som 'for trængende'. :( 29. april 2018, 23:41 dominique natale eric charles tak yoi for at skrive dette !!!! 26. april 2018, 1:18 am eesha dette var en strålende opsummering af at få ting til at fungere langdistancestil. Jeg har søgt på nettet efter noget, der giver mening, og det var det. tak for den rationelle tænkning og organiseret layout, med den perfekte mængde positivitet sammen med at holde det ægte. bliv glad! 1. februar 2018, 09:08 eric charles mange tak - jeg ' m glad for, at du kunne lide det! 1. februar 2018, 11:01 am irene hej Jeg startede lige en dr. m / en fyr, der har erklæret, at han er et arbejdsfokus, hans intellektuel, fit og vil alt, hvad jeg vil, men når vi sender en sms, som er alt, hvad vi gør, og til tider er det mig, der starter teksten, og alt hvad han gør, er en one liner eller tegneserie, emoji og det handler altid om sex, jeg har konfronteret ham med er dette seksuelt eller er dette mere hans svar var aldrig bare seksuelt, men det gør jeg ikke ved hvad jeg skal lave af dette, jeg har aldrig været i en dreng før, og jeg er vant til at tale, sms'e og så ofte fysisk kommunikation, og når vi har været sammen er til spisestue og sex, hvilket er fantastisk virkelig fantastisk, jeg bare ikke ' Jeg ved ikke, hvordan man har mere kontakt med ham, jeg har endda forsøgt ikke at sende en sms til ham i 2 dage eller deromkring, og jeg forstår ikke 23. oktober 2017, 14:11 michelle Jeg er 3 år gammel og har udført al den gode og dårlige opførsel i det forløbne år ..., hvilket giver plads og tid samt skubber for at lukke afstanden. hvad jeg indså, er, at ja, nogle af de ting, der er nævnt her, er vigtige ... ikke at kvæle forholdet, men til tider kan du virkelig blive frustreret, hvis du er sammen med en mand, der ikke lægger lige meget på som du gør. I det lange løb betyder det ikke noget, hvor meget du kan gøre og øve her, du vil ikke være sikker på, hvad alle disse bestræbelser er til. efter 3 år ved jeg bare ikke, hvorfor jeg stadig har brug for at gøre det samme, som jeg gør i år et og år to ... er en meget forståelsesfuld partner, giver plads, arbejder på mig selv konstant kæmper mod min frygt og usikkerhed, og investere min tid og penge til et forhold, der ikke føles så vigtigt nok for min partner til at stoppe afstanden ... alt er, vi har talt om at lukke afstanden og tegne planer, men der er tidspunkter, han ser ud til at være helt klar til det, og anden gang ville jeg mærke, at hans tvivl og frygt erstattede den plan, vi talte om, og det fører til ingen steder ... jeg føler mig dårlig træt af dette spil, men jeg elsker denne fyr. Jeg tror, ​​jeg er overstået på tidspunktet for at holde mig kølig og bare vente på, at han træder op og foretager opkaldet. ldr er ikke let, og det lærte mig bestemt meget. på dette tidspunkt begynder jeg endelig at øve det punkt, at vi ikke giver hinanden tankegang. som jeg må sige, det er virkelig en total b crap for dem, der ikke har en sund følelsesmæssig tilknytningsstil ... hvordan kan du være sammen med nogen og ikke være sammen med dem og bare hænge hinanden højt og tørt sådan? åh, jeg lyder som en meget bitter kvinde her ... lol men hvad jeg sagde her er også virkelig fra kvinders perspektiv at forelske sig i mænd, der er følelsesmæssigt vanskelige og holde os kvinder til at fortsætte med at arbejde på os selv for at imødekomme deres behov. hvorfor kan mænd ikke bare vokse op og arbejde på sig selv og stoppe med at være så svære vanskelige !? 31. juli 2017, 3:25 am lawren Jeg elsker denne artikel så meget. det inspirerer mig virkelig til bare at være en bedre elsker i min dr. Jeg tog på en nylig ferie til Bahamas, og jeg mødte en fantastisk fyr, der faktisk er derfra. Vi har holdt kontakten lige siden, men kommunikationen er undertiden hård. dataene er meget pebret uge til uge for ham, fordi han betaler så mange regninger for at forsørge sin familie (hvilket betyder, at hans mor og far har ingen børn). men fra at læse denne artikel indså jeg, at jeg forsøgte at give alt og forventede så meget af ham til gengæld. at læse denne artikel har hjulpet mig så meget. Jeg er klar over, at alt hvad jeg kan gøre er at sætte min bedste fod frem og elske ham uden at forvente noget tilbage. og jeg ville give alt for at være sammen med ham, og jeg ved, at han elsker mig og føler det samme for mig. Jeg beder om, at vi økonomisk kan begge være på et mere stabilt sted en dag og endelig være sammen. 29. juni 2017, 12:18 anna vi har været sammen i 5 måneder med min kæreste, jeg skal studere i udlandet, og han fortalte mig i går, at langdistance forhold fungerer ikke for ham, hvad skal jeg gøre, jeg elsker ham så meget og vil ikke miste ham. 4. maj 2017, 16:07 monica hvad hvis han løj, og han var interesseret i en anden kvinde, der flirterede og rakte hende ud, endda inviterede hende (på en besked) til hans seng? efter det begyndte jeg at have brug for beroligelse, og han begyndte at trække sig tilbage. det nåede et punkt, hvor han foreslog at gå til pareterapi, og efter det stoppede han bare enhver kommunikation med mig. Jeg har forsøgt at nå ud til ham en eller to gange om to uger, men han siger bare til mig, at han vil tale eller interagere, indtil vi går til terapi for at fjerne al tvivl. Jeg spurgte bare, om han stadig elskede mig, og han svarede det samme: alt i terapi. var jeg trængende for at have brug for beroligelse og spurgte ham tre eller fire gange, om han stadig var interesseret i forholdet? sidste gang jeg sendte ham en besked for at spørge ham om en sætning, han skrev: 'Det er bedre at gå på pension og efterlade en god hukommelse end at insistere på at blive irriterende'. jeg tror, ​​det handlede om forholdet og spurgte ham. han var ret uhøflig og fortalte mig, at jeg overreagerer, at alt ser ud til at handle om forholdet, at jeg har brug for at roe mig ned og slappe af, og at jeg irriterede ham. sidste, jeg fortalte ham, var: “ok. jeg ville ikke genere dig igen ”. som han svarede: ”sæt dig ikke som offer. Jeg tror, ​​det er ikke forkert for mig at sige, at du overreagerer. alt ser ud til at handle om forholdet! være rolig!' 30. marts 2017, 19:35 rosey hej min bf, og jeg har været i et forhold i 5 år .. det har været groft, og vi har 2 små børn sammen . han gik for nylig tilbage til USA, og nu er det blevet en dr. Jeg har lavet nogle af de ting, der har skadet mit forhold, og det har skubbet ham lidt væk ... hvordan kan jeg genoplive den magi, vi har, selvom den er begravet lidt dybt lige nu? hvordan kan jeg ordne ting og være mere den kvinde, han har brug for ?? tak for dit indlæg, det hjalp mig virkelig med at vurdere, hvad jeg har gjort forkert. 30. marts 2017, 05:46 rachel hej eric, din kolonne i ldr er så rørende såvel som praktisk, det fik mig til at hulke, dog med glæde. Jeg kan mærke det positive syn, du vil skildre i denne slags forhold, hvilket ikke altid er let, da jeg i øjeblikket er i et. men jeg føler mig også håbefuld for at forblive positiv uanset resultatet. lige nu går det hele godt, og han siger, at han elsker mig meget og taler om vores fremtid sammen. Jeg ved, at han gør en indsats for at sikre mig, at vi snart mødes igen, og når vi gør det, vil tingene være normale igen. det håber jeg også. men gud forbyde, hvis det ikke virker af en eller anden grund, er det okay at komme videre og komme overens med det i fred. tak for artiklen. kærlighed, rachel 25 marts 2017, 10:36 am cindy jeg læste om din dr. Jeg er i en siden sidste juni, det har gået meget godt, vi har besøgt hinanden for at gå steder sammen meget og planlægger stadig. vi facetime hver dag tekst hver dag har det sjovt på facetime griner at sende kort jeg føler at dette fungerer, og det gør han også jeg føler at vores ldr arbejder jeg vil gerne vide din mening han siger også jeg elsker dig hver dag et par gange en dag på tekster og ansigtstid er alt sammen positivt, selv på facebook, han er sendt i et forhold med mig svar eller kan lide de fleste af mine indlæg. sagen er positiv, hvad er din mening 22. februar 2017, 13:10 bertha dette er et meget godt råd. denne artikel afklarede mange spørgsmål til mig. tak eric du er den største. 4. februar 2017, 08:18 amanda en af ​​dine bedste artikler eric! mange tak for dit arbejde! Jeg værdsætter virkelig alle dine råd! du gør en enorm forskel! tak skal du have!!! 23. oktober 2016, 1:19 am nico en af ​​de bedste artikler om ldr, jeg har læst. meget hjælpsom og insigful. tak for alle tipene. 17. september 2016, 11:29 tiffany hill dette er utvivlsomt en af ​​de mest realistiske artikler, jeg har læst i et stykke tid. Jeg har været nødt til at komme overens med mange af de samme problemer, og at læse det fra perspektivet hos en person, der også kan forholde sig til min personlige erfaring, mindsker den tvivl, der konstant har knust mine tanker. mens dele af artiklen var smertefuldt realistiske, vil de udtrykte ideer bestemt hjælpe mange - godt skrevet! 24. maj 2016, 14:06 vanessa dette er opmærksom på mig, forstår så mange ting. hvis jeg ved et uheld allerede er bekymret over alt og gætter på ting på grund af mine egne tanker, ikke hans handlinger, hvordan kan jeg så ordne tingene med ham? var stadig sammen en tekst hver dag, og han fortæller mig stadig, at han elsker mig og alt det hver dag, men jeg kan ikke lade være med at tænke sådan. anden gætte alt. hvordan ændrer jeg det? fordi han er færdig med at bemærke forkert, og jeg føler en eller anden måde, hvis han ikke ringer til mig om et par dage .. 10. april 2016, 8:00 andi i kommenterer ikke regelmæssigt artikler, men efter at have fundet og afprøvet, hvad denne artikel antyder, er jeg tilbøjelig til at kommentere. lidt baggrund for min situation: Jeg mødte en fyr i min by for 4 måneder siden. i løbet af den første måned ville han se mig hver dag. Vi gik på 4 datoer inden for den første uge. han ringede endda dagligt, mens han var ude af landet og besøgte sin familie i løbet af ferien. han mødte også min familie her. han skal rejse meget på arbejde, så han har nu været på et arbejdsprojekt 10 timer væk de sidste 2,5 måneder. vi laver nu en ldr, og revnerne i vores obligation er kommet ind. blinker fremad: I vores nylige interaktioner har vi diskuteret meget. Jeg har følt, at han trækker sig væk, fordi han altid er optaget eller distraheret, og vores fremtidige planer bliver ved med at blive skubbet til side. Jeg satte 75% og ham 25%. dette stressede mig. siden læsning af denne artikel og omsætning af den, har balancen ændret sig dramatisk. Jeg er nu ”holdt op med at passe”. Jeg har brugt mere tid på mine egne interesser og har kun samtaler med ham, når det passer mig. lavt og se, han kalder nu i forholdet 3 til min 1. når jeg ringer, svarer han ved 2. ring. han vil ansigtstid, siger, at han savner mig, og vil vide, hvad jeg har lavet. Jeg elsker ham stadig lige så meget, men jeg føler mig bare mere bemyndiget og i kontrol over situationen. tak så meget eric! 26. marts 2016, 14:55 annie fantastisk artikel eric! Jeg spekulerer på, om du har råd til min dr. Jeg mødte en fyr på en datingside for ca. 6 måneder siden, og vi begyndte at chatte. han var i mit område på det tidspunkt og måtte derefter hjem igen kort efter vi begyndte at tale. han har holdt kontakten med mig, og vi skype ret regelmæssigt. han skal tilbage i mit område om en uge eller deromkring og vil mødes. problemet er, jeg er blevet knyttet. Jeg prøvede ikke at gøre det, men det skete. for nylig trak han sig lidt tilbage, men holdt stadig kontakt. som datoen nærmer sig at være her, har han været mere aktiv. Jeg er klar over, at jeg aldrig har mødt ham og ikke har nogen bånd, men hver gang jeg ser ham online, freak, fordi jeg antager, at han også taler med andre kvinder. Jeg prøver så hårdt på at minde mig selv om, at vi aldrig har mødt personligt, og jeg har ingen ret til at være bekymret, men jeg føler, at 6 måneder er virkelig lang tid at investere, hvis du ikke rigtig er interesseret i nogen. Jeg er forvirret nu, om jeg skal møde ham eller ej nu. Jeg vil ikke bare være en, der blev spillet hele tiden. han taler om at være begejstret for at se mig og være hernede, men hvordan ved jeg, hvad det er den rigtige ting at gøre? 15. marts 2016, 15:24 pooneh hej, jeg vil sige noget ynkeligt, for et par måneder siden havde jeg noget som et langdistanceforhold med en fyr jeg aldrig mødt. men jeg kendte hans familie, fordi hans mor og min far var kolleger, men jeg havde aldrig mødt ham, fordi han boede i chigaco miles væk fra mig, men jeg ringede til ham for at spørge ham om at studere i udlandet, så vi talte og talte tre gange om ugen, så blev det hver dag, i et par måneder ... vi havde skype videoopkald i timevis hver dag, han fortalte mig, at han begyndte at kunne lide mig og elske mig, jeg spurgte ham, om han ikke kunne vente på mig indtil vi mødtes over fire år senere, sagde han, at han var nødt til at tænke over det, og jeg var for dum, så jeg bad ham om at gå og brød op ... tror du, det ville fungere med nogen, du aldrig har mødt ? 12. marts 2016, 16:36 denisa hej eric! Jeg nød virkelig din artikel, for siden januar i år har jeg talt dagligt med en fyr i England, vi har virkelig forbindelse mentalt og følelsesmæssigt, og denne måned blev vi enige om, at vi ønskede et stabilt forhold til hinanden, vi er eksklusive. Jeg er bekymret over den seksuelle del, du talte om, fordi jeg endnu ikke er seksuelt aktiv (jeg er 21 år gammel, han er 24 år gammel) og det har jeg fortalt ham og fortalte ham, at jeg har brug for at føle mig tryg og komfortabel med fyren for at have sex. problemet er, at han laver mange hentydninger, at han gerne vil kæle, at han gerne vil kysse mig i halsen osv., og at han også nævner, at når han kommer til at besøge mig i marts til vores første datoer, ville han også gerne for os at være alene og massere hinanden og have tid bare os to privat. Jeg forstår, at han ønsker hengivenhed, men jeg føler mig lidt presset, for måske vil han i disse øjeblikke have sex med mig og være ked af det, hvis jeg ikke vil. Derfor vil jeg gerne vide, om jeg beder for meget af ham om ikke at presse mig så meget og være mere tålmodig med mig. tak og ønsker dig alt godt. 29. februar 2016, 8:44 am eric charles når det kommer til sex, det vigtigste er, at du ikke gør det for at 'få' noget fra det (som du tror, ​​det vil hjælpe forholdet med at udvikle sig eller bevare hans interesse) ... og at have sex, fordi du føler dig presset, er en endnu værre grund til at gøre det! vær tro mod dig selv - du ved, hvornår det passer dig. du fortæller ham, at du aldrig har haft sex, og at du skal beslutte, hvornår det er rigtigt for dig - hvis han vælger at fortsætte med at deltage i sit forhold til dig, så er det hans valg. ingen “skylder” nogen noget ... held og lykke med alt og tak for beskeden. 29. februar 2016, 10:17 denisa tak for dit svar! nu når jeg tænker over det, har du helt ret, hvis han bryr sig om mig, skal han respektere mine beslutninger. p.s. undskyld for mine stavefejl. 29. februar 2016, 14:56 pammi hvordan fungerede det? nysgerrig efter at vide, om det er okay. 13. juni 2016, 12:41 maraj denne eric, er helt fantastisk 27. februar 2016, 04:36 rav Jeg sætter pris på, at jeg kommenterer en rigtig gammel artikel, men jeg håber, at du stadig vil kommentere denne eric…. min partner på fire måneder bor 60 miles / 75 min kørsel væk, og vi har taget os tid til at se hinanden, når det er muligt, men normalt kun så meget som en gang hver uge. vi har begge arbejds- og familieforpligtelser, der komplicerer vores dagbøger, og vi har endnu ikke taget springet for at fusionere husstande i nogen grad (selvom vi begge har rejst udsigten til at gøre det på forskellige tidspunkter). han var alt for intens til at begynde med, og vi talte igennem mine bekymringer på det tidspunkt. Jeg har været i tvivl om kompatibilitet og på flere tidspunkter tillid, som blev yderligere påvirket af et rygte om ham snyd, som han fuldstændig tilbageviste. Jeg er lettet over at sige, at efter at have læst igennem din bog 'han er ikke så kompliceret', som jeg oprindeligt købte i 2012, anerkender jeg, at disse problemer, jeg har bragt til bordet, og jo mere tid jeg bruger sammen med denne mand, jo mere positiv kvaliteter jeg ser og betragter et betydeligt forhold som muligt. mens jeg forstår og er enig med dine punkter vedrørende frygt, bekymringer og problemer, om at nyde vores ldr for hvad det er, give slip og leve de øjeblikke osv. det perspektiv, du tilbyder, er befriende. og selvom jeg tror, ​​at mit syn allerede er i at betjene forholdet, og jeg støtter på de måder, du nævner uden at have brug for det til gengæld, virker denne holdning lidt ensidig i denne bebrejdelse. og fra vores rystende begyndelse føler jeg mig nu som om jeg laver alt arbejdet, mens han tillader mig at gøre det. den rette balance synes umulig at tilfredsstille !! jeg er forvirret. du siger være støttende og et aktiv for ham. du diskuterer forventning og slipper noget, men så afslutter du artiklen med modsigelsen om at gøre en ldr lokal så hurtigt som muligt. da vi først begyndte at se hinanden, ville min partner foreslå måder, hvorpå vi kunne integrere vores liv yderligere, men da de problemer, jeg har rejst i forholdet, nævnes disse ikke længere af ham. Jeg har for nylig sagt, at jeg ville ønske, at vi boede tættere på hinanden, og han har spurgt mig, om det bekymrer mig, som jeg sagde nej til. men det gør det selvfølgelig til en vis grad, medmindre vi integrerer husstande. i det væsentlige i din bog ønsker jeg ikke at fremstå som den trængende partner ved at skubbe for at se, hvor vi skal hen med forholdet, men dit råd i denne artikel er at gøre netop det…. så hvad er det at være eric charles? 17. januar 2016, 11:12 rav ps .. ligesom kat (nedenfor) jeg er 45 min partner 43 med tre børn i alderen 6-10 mellem os så ikke på udkig efter det samme resultat som yngre par ... 17. januar 2016, 11:14 am debra skal en mand, der blokerer dig fra hans fb, være en kæmpe rød dlag? han sagde, det var på grund af sine børn. 3. januar 2016, 23:03 kara stort rødt flag. børnene behøver ikke at vide, at du går ud, han har masser af andre venner på fb, så hvorfor kan du ikke være en? 11. februar 2016, 22:57 debra hvad med denne blokering af sociale medier? 3. januar 2016, 23:00 jennavie dette var en god læsning! så mange gode punkter og ting at huske. det eneste problem er dog, hvad hvis din ldr er stillestående? vi ser spiser andet en gang om måneden i en weekend, men jeg føler, fordi vi allerede har diskuteret og talt om, hvad vi begge vil og bevæger os sammen og vores fremtid sammen, det opdrages ikke længere i samtale. så jeg finder ud af, at jeg bringer visse ting op for at se, om han stadig er begejstret for fremtiden os eller ser frem til det. tonen i hans stemme er nu bare bla og regelmæssig vs. hvad det plejede at være, da jeg følte, at han var begejstret eller ivrig efter at ringe til mig. Jeg føler, at det er drivende. jeg eller vi kommer ikke op i samtale, medmindre jeg bringer det op. nu handler det om hans liv, hvad han gør, hvordan han har det og så videre. så jeg føler, at jeg begynder at trække mig tilbage eller trække mig tilbage. Jeg stoler på ham. han stoler på mig. vi elsker hinanden. men kan det være, at han bare bruger mig allerede eller os? Jeg føler mig næsten skyldig med mere opmærksomhed på mig selv og mindre til ham i frygt for, at han måske føler tvivl om mig, eller at jeg måske spiller sindsspil, som jeg ikke ville være. vi har planer for fremtiden, men jeg føler, at jeg er den, der får den korte ende af pinden, fordi jeg giver ham alt, hvad han har brug for og ønsker, mens vi er fra hinanden. ved ikke, om jeg giver mening, men jeg savner os, og hvad det var. det er anderledes og ved ikke hvad jeg skal gøre andet end at være mindre opmærksom på ham og mere på mig selv. kvinder kan ikke altid være giverne. vi gør alt rigtigt, og det er ikke nok, eller de bemærker ikke eller får det ikke. 2. januar 2016, 11:54 am kat det virker som et mig mest råd er til yngre mennesker (jeg er 45 og min fyr er 51) eller måske bare ved, jeg skulle have fundet ud af dette efter min alder ????. Jeg mødte en mand, der var på forretningsrejse. vi havde en fabelagtig aften. vi snakker eller sender tekst hver dag. det har været 3 måneder. han er ved at afslutte en skilsmisse efter 26 års ægteskab. han har været alene i cirka et år. han er forsigtig med sine følelser og lidt tæt sammen af ​​natur, men når vi snakker, kommer hans sjove, fjollede natur ud, og jeg elsker det, fordi jeg er sådan, og han ser ud til at være så afslappet. vi har haft et par samtaler med 'tag det langsomt', og jeg vil gå i samme sikre snegletempo, som han gør. Jeg har været for impulsiv i tidligere forhold, og jeg arbejder på de råd, du giver på alle områder. Jeg fandt lige ud af, at jeg vil rejse fra ca til østkysten, så jeg nævnte det, og han bad mig om at tilbringe ca. 4 dage med ham. Jeg ved, at tingene vil være ok, hvis jeg kan holde mig selv i tvivl og bekymring. det kræver konstant praksis ????. han er så god til at 'se' i kontrol, men efter at have læst mange af dine artikler kan jeg fortælle, at han er usikker, nervøs og prøver at lære at være sammen med en ny efter så længe. min største bekymring, og måske er det ikke mainstream nok til at generere artikler om, at jeg betragtes som meget attraktiv, og du ville aldrig vide, at jeg for 20 år siden vejede 400 pund. Jeg så godt ud i lang tid, men nu ved 45 ser min krop ikke så godt ud uden garderobeskabet?. Jeg har altid fortalt, at jeg er meget sexet, eller at jeg har en stor sensualitet om mig, men hvordan deler jeg mig faktisk med nogen, når jeg ved, at de to virkeligheder er meget forskellige. hvad tænker mænd, når de ser dig som sexet af din personlighed og skaber en god forbindelse, og så kommer dagen, og du er en fysisk svigtet? hvor meget betyder noget for mænd? og hvordan forbereder jeg mig på at bruge denne intime tid og ikke ødelægge hele den vidunderlige ting, vi hidtil har haft? 1. januar 2016, 1:36 am lan Jeg har læst andre artikler om børnefamilier derude og har endda købt en bog, men ingen af ​​dem kan endda sammenlignes med denne. dit forholdsråd er det absolut bedste, jeg nogensinde har set, eric. Jeg er fra Kina, og jeg er blevet træt af tankeforgiftende lort overalt her. bare for meget lort og næsten intet nyttigt overhovedet ... for ikke at nævne noget næsten lige så indsigtsfuldt og dybtgående som dit. på trods af at meget af dine råd ikke finder anvendelse på vores kultur, har dine artikler ændret livet for mig, og jeg kan bare ikke takke dig nok. Jeg ville virkelig ønske, at flere kinesiske kvinder havde adgang til dine ting. hvis kun jer havde et kinesisk sted. : p 14. december 2015, 08:02 mia ok, så jeg er lidt sent til festen her, men jeg fandt netop denne artikel i går og ... wow , dette er den bedste ting, jeg nogensinde har læst om emnet. sandsynligvis den bedste, mest handlingsrettede forholdsartikel, jeg har læst, punktum. Jeg har faktisk fortalt mig selv nogle af disse ting hele tiden, om hvordan jeg ikke ejer denne person og skal ringe tilbage til mine forventninger og forsøge at pakke min hjerne omkring det faktum, at jeg ikke kan kontrollere noget og alt, hvad jeg er at gøre er at skade forholdet - eller hvad det nu er - ved min usikkerhed. af en eller anden grund gjorde det hele forskellen i verden at se det her i sort og hvid og i andres ord. det ser ud til, at det meste af det, jeg har læst om ldrs, består af råd til, hvad begge partnere kan gøre som et par, og denne artikel indeholder noget af dette - se en film sammen, skype osv. - men jeg føler ikke som om jeg er på det punkt, hvor jeg virkelig kan insistere eller endda foreslå, at vi gør tingene på en bestemt måde. måske fungerer dette bedre for mere etablerede, mere “officielle” par. Jeg ønsker ikke at bukke under for fristelsen til at fortælle hele historien her, men jeg er godt involveret i en person, der oprindeligt var en person, jeg mødte online (ikke gennem et datingside, vi var faktisk online arbejdskolleger) . vi har siden mødtes personligt og tilbragt flere uger sammen i løbet af et par måneder, men da jeg mødte ham, var han på rejse (han arbejdede undervejs), og det er han stadig. han havde planer før han mødte mig, og jeg har altid støttet disse. vi har talt om fremtiden, der bor i samme by, noget kompliceret af det faktum, at han og min 12-årige søn ikke kommer overens, men på dette tidspunkt er det ikke det vigtigste spørgsmål. det emne, der er, eller var, der ødelagde min mentale sundhed, var min voksende jalousi og mistanke, og spekulerede på, hvad han havde lyst til, hver gang en time eller deromkring var gået mellem tekster (vi har aldrig sprunget over - tror ikke dette er hans ting - og telefonopkald har altid været sporadiske godbidder). læser denne artikel, det gør det meget klart for mig - det er virkelig ikke min forretning. Jeg har aldrig ejet ham. Jeg faldt for hans friluftsliv, og selvom jeg var i stand til at ændre ham, ville dette være en bjørnetjeneste for os begge. som tingene ser ud - uanset om dette faktisk er et forhold, eller om vi bare er meget gode venner, der 'spiller hus', når han er i byen - eller endda hvis han ikke kan tilslutte sig en anden (uh, ikke begejstret for dette, men kan ikke blive hjulpet, hvis han gør det), min vigtigste takeaway fra denne artikel er en erkendelse af, at ja, jeg er bare rigtig glad for at have ham i mit liv i en hvilken som helst kapacitet. i’m now able to feel that any time i hear from him it’s a gift, and not a fresh way to torture myself. i still worry (i’m definitely anxiety-prone, used to be in therapy for this back when i could afford it), but at least i’m now able to deflect the worry away from his actions and my expectations. shouldn’t be expectations anyway, should just be hopes. he will do what he will do, and if he’s choosing to stay in touch, this is not my right but my privilege, so i’ll do my best to show appreciation instead of communicating discontent that he’s not doing more. november 25, 2015, 1:06 pm tima hey, its just a great article but couldnt solve all my problems. i want to tell u about my boyfriend that he usually try his best to act that he cares and give me all the love but i cant feel enough, i just feel space and need more. however we are long distance relationship too, he is usually busy at the morning work and then he just eat and take a nap then go to his friends or hang out with them and at night he talks to me before he sleeps at 12. sometimes he talks about an hour and sometimes he just talk like 15 minutes and he sleeps by saying hes tired. it really hurts me that he dont give me much time as for his friends and work. but what to do ? most of our fights is before i cant feel la care much from him but he does his best as i can also feel, but he can do more than his. how to make him care for me more and talk to me more time. i usually care to hom alot and he feels it i just i shouldnt show him that much care? plz help me november 18, 2015, 9:05 pm nancy i am writing to thank you for writing this article. i know it’s old, but it’s still relevant. i’ve been in a ldr for 5 months now, and it’s definitely the hardest thing we’ve been through together as a couple. the part of your article about making my man feel like the best version of himself really resonated with me. it’s often my bad mood that turns our conversations sour – and in a ldr, that’s all there is. there’s no running away from what i’ve said by holding him close to me. that’s the hard part. but this article was so helpful in shaping my own mindset and focusing less on what “i” need but more of how we can be grateful for each other. november 9, 2015, 1:18 am jane thanks a lot… i’ll remember this next time there’s a possibility that i am going be stuck in a long distance relationship again. right now, i am in one but it seems like it’s already falling apart. because of so many reasons. the biggest one is that we’re 11.000km apart and haven’t seen each other for 7 months and there are still 12 months ahead of us. so thank you… this makes me realize that there’s really nothing i can do to safe me relationship anymore. november 8, 2015, 11:27 pm motyl i have been seeing this guy for about 3 months, it all started really fast. we met friday, he spent the weekend with me and my girlfriends and then we spent the rest of the next week together. we live about 700km away from each other. we then saw each other after 2 weeks again and then after another again. he asked me if i do not want to go with him and his friends on holidays. after having had thought about it i gave it a try. all went pretty well. the next meeting was 3 weeks after the holidays. we parted with a good feeling i thought. i asked him how he liked the weekend (with my friends and their children) and he said it was a very nice weekend. he dropped me off my house and we agreed to keep on seeing each other however, since then i have no news what so ever from him. i’m perplexed. how can that happen, why is he reacting like that? what can i do without intruding his space and without coming off as clingy? october 29, 2015, 9:02 am caroline thank you sooooooo much. you have no idea how much this helps me with my ldr. you’re helping a lot of people here, love how your advice isn’t generic at all. bless you sir :d october 23, 2015, 2:14 pm hope hi ? i met this guy in july at my work place, he seemed interested in me but he’s also the busy kind who’s always traveling. we have been to three dates and he’s such a gentleman. the last time he came back after a month of being away he called me the minute he arrived and we had dinner then he traveled the next day . i texted him a belated birthday message yesterday only to realize that he had come back into the country but hadn’t communicated but i didn’t inquire why. after catching up he asked whether i wanted to meet tomorrow (which is today) i told him that i was busy which i am not i was just mad that he didn’t tell me that he was back. a few minutes later i told him we could meet maybe in the evening and after that he hasn’t responded. i called him in the morning but he’s not responded to the call. should i text him? october 16, 2015, 5:27 am girl234 no leave him! he is not that in to you! november 26, 2015, 5:10 am alyssa i have been in a relationship with a man for almost 4 years.. beforehand we had lived 10 minutes away from each other and tried to see each other every single day. i was happier than i’d ever been in my life. after it became a ldr, i began to see all the flaws and unhealthy aspects of our relationship. i began to see how negative he was and how i didn’t want to put up with that in hopes that he’d get better eventually. i never realized this until i spent time away from him, because the past 4 years have been spent completely with him. it was very eye-opening for me but i’m not even sad that it isn’t going to work out. i’m just sad that i spent 4 years thinking i was happy and in love but realizing he never really loved me after all. i wish i would’ve listened to my gut sooner and enjoyed life as a young adult instead of sticking with a negative man who only put me down. let this be a lesson to all of you… please listen to your gut, even if you’re afraid of what you’ll find. it’ll save you a lot of trouble and precious time. october 14, 2015, 12:30 am layla eric, thank you for this very rich article. actually is the first time i found myself reading articles, trying to understanddeal with a relationship. i would really like your opinion, as i agree a 100% with the point you’ve mentioned that the person falls in love with you by thinking of you, and no matter the distance you can always be their ‘place’ of peacehappiness. i have a 15 years love-story that just happened like this. he always had to go to other countries to study first to do a phd scholarship, than to work, so we’ve always been geographically far away, but always with a connection and sharing, even when in this meanwhile i had other stories just like he had, and that never was a problem. now we’re back together (as official couple), tired of being apart, but, still a ldr. we are just one hour flight distance, but the fact he’s also a training cardiologist surgeon, (and besides the very stressfull and emotionally draining profession, also the city (very very tiny city) and the hospital that he’s working is always demanding and treating him differently for being a foreigner, and he gets very insecure about me, moving, being there in this situation where he don’t feels his own security and (in his words) is not an irresponsible man (to take me out of my organized life in a place full of opportunities). he asked me patience. we talk just once a week by phone (in the only day he’s free), and in the rest of the week… i almost don’t hear about him (just some texts, that he always answers, but rarely take the initiative). i know he’s in a very very delicate situation and i am by his side, supporting and helping. but afraid of being naive…. there’s a possibility of he being just focused in the issues and taking me for granted? cause i miss a little bit of attent ion but i don’t want to be another pressure… it is very difficult to figure out if i am just insecure, if i am naive, or if im being unfair. ldr is already difficult to deal with. don’t try it with a doctor! d= i hope to have you advice! thank you for the clever words! october 10, 2015, 9:39 pm female persuasion this is definitely the best article i’ve read on how i’ve mismanaged my expectations for my ldr and caused myself a lot of anxiety because my boyfriend has a tendency to withdraw without word due to a high stress job while daily communication gives me assurance and makes me feel connected. i think i smothered the situation and it’s compounded by the fact that (i think) he already has a fear of intimacy due to things in his past (he’s had very few committed relationships and none longer than two years). he thought i was different (and i’m sure i am in many ways) so here we are 11 months later. we had our first argument, both got scared and he’s uncertain about continuing. i did something really counterintuitive and offered him space to sort his feelings out. it’s been two days since i heard from him. i realize my part and he’s said he has “unresolved” issues. is there any coming back at this point? october 6, 2015, 12:32 pm dian although i think that this article gives great advice, i do think that it is very one-sided. my boyfriend are long distance through college so we still get to visit often, but i feel like this article might not work in the long run. some other readers commented that they feel like they “slip up” and go back to their old ways of worrying. that’s because suppressing your fears is a temporary fix and only makes them more real. although i believe that there are some fears that are superficial that can be made up through the anxiety of an ldr, i believe that it is also important to be honest and communicate if something is wrong. i also believe that your top commitment should be to serve your own happiness and “fill your own cup” as oprah winfrey says, not serve another person. i believe that the advice in this article will suffice in the short term and teach readers how to be selfless in relationships, but every person needs to find their balance and make themselves a priority in their life as well. september 28, 2015, 12:23 am eric charles ok, i guess this would be a good opportunity to make clear that i do not (and would not) recommend suppressing you fears. i agree with you that suppressing one’s fears and acting as if they’re not experiencing them will backfire for sure… and i’m not recommending suppression in this article, either… what i’m advocating here is acceptance… long distance relationships (ldrs) have the odds stacked against them… and if you can accept that it probably won’t work, you actually tremendously increase your odds of it working… i realize that sounds like a paradox, so stick with me… when someone can’t accept the fact that a ldr probably won’t work out, that’s when they get whipped into an emotional frenzy… and that emotional frenzy (of fear of loss, of worry, of paranoia, etc.) poisons that person’s vibe and drains all the joy from the relationship… when someone is able to accept the idea that a ldr has the odds stacked against it and probably won’t work out, they can “let go” and enjoy the relationship while it’s there in the moment. in order to be disappointed, you need to have expectations, hopes, dreams and wishes. and even though we’re taught that all that is romantic, the truth is that it’s just mind stuff… and it is the fuel that the worry, fears and paranoia feed off us. reason being, all those thoughts are stirred up because you’ve dreamt up a “happy ending” and you are afraid of that fantasy bubble being burst. what if, instead, you didn’t have expectations for the future? what if you just enjoyed each other in the moments you’re together and outside of that, you don’t have any expectation — you’re fully prepared to accept that the call or visit you just had could be your last… how differently would you act? how much more free and unburdened would you be if you just “let go” of all the expectation (that subconsciously is fueling all the fear, paranoia, worry, etc.) when you’re not carrying around the heaviness of expectation, you can actually be present and enjoy your time with the person, as it is… most people aren’t used to that (even though we all crave that kind of connection with another human being)… when we get it, it’s irresistible and a person who feels that with you is more likely to be drawn to you than anyone else, near or far. falling in love with a “fantasy future” of how you want it all to work out is like holding your breath and not allowing yourself to breathe until it all works out… maybe you’ll get to breathe again… maybe you’ll collapse and pass out from lack of oxygen… either way, you’re causing yourself suffering for no reason, when you could have been comfortable and happy the whole time. accept that things could end at any moment, be ok with it and make your focus *enjoying* every moment you spend together because it might be the end (and if it is, you’re ok with that). september 28, 2015, 2:24 am dian eric, thank you so much for ing. i really do understand what you are saying: letting go of any expectations for the future. this is something that is really hard for me because i like to have all of my ducks in order when it comes to school, my personal life, and my relationships. the idea of “not knowing what will happen next” has always been a real fear for me. and sometimes, while trying to “let go” of these expectations i have, i instead tried to supress them. i think that accepting uncertainty is something that everyone has in one form or another, but accepting that we do not have control over the future of our lives, no matter how much we plan and pry, is something i can practice everyday to better myself and my relationship. reading over my comment, i now realize that it sounded like i was bashing your logic and i did not mean for it to come off that way. ldr’s can be stressful and sometimes it is easy to get overwhelmed by trying to make it work and controling it (if that makes sense). i have read and reread this article and, each time, i get some new form of advice and insight/perspective. thank you for helping all of the men/women out there in ldr’s! september 28, 2015, 5:48 pm eric charles i hear you… i understand what you’re saying and i can understand the intense craving to want to have “all your ducks in a row” (as well as the fear of not knowing what will happen next). here’s something to contemplate: animals don’t know what’s going to happen next… and yet… they’re very good at being ok. if an animal decided to think about things like you are, could you imagine how it would behave? you would probably be very concerned about the animal if you saw it! trying to plan everything comes from a fear of loss, so you overcompensate by doing everything you can to control for anything that could happen. yes, being prepared for the future is good and smart, but it’s not good if it shows up in the form of emotional disturbance that then drives behavior (to “run away” from the disturbing feeling). you can take appropriate action to plan for the future without emotional drama being a component. if you think it might rain, bring an umbrella… but you don’t need to fear the rain… since the fear wouldn’t help you or improve your chances of avoiding it. take the action you need to, but don’t make it emotional… there’s no reason to… september 28, 2015, 6:01 pm dian this really does give me a new perspective on things. it has really helped me to clear my mind and stop worrying. you have no idea how much i appreciate it. thanks so much eric!!! october 4, 2015, 6:01 pm eric charles you’re welcome — glad it helped. october 5, 2015, 1:34 am lay i’ve been in my relationship 5 years with my boyfriend and we have been going through the motions some kind of terrible. i know he loves me as much as i love him because regardless of how bad its gotten we have managed to find ways to stay together. everything you said made complete sense to me. like he’s told me before women tend to be more emotional vs men being more logical in the sense of problems. everything you brought up i agree with. i’ve found myself feeling so sad at times wondering if i’m losing him and in a way seeking that reassurance and the hole just getting deeper even though i’m not intentionally trying to mean any harm. he is a very creative soul (videographer/photographer) so he tends to be busy but he has always made the effort to stay incontact but through all the negative arguements he’s been drowning his self more in his work because other than it affecting me, i know it affects him and his business. i’m going to work on everything you suggested. i want to be his happy haven again because this is not the business. i appreciate this article so much. i really connected with it. september 22, 2015, 11:47 am it funmaza very nice ……. august 8, 2015, 10:33 am cailin i’m currently in a ldr and have been for 3 and a half years. everything you mentioned is very helpful and useful given that i am an army girlfriend but it dawned on me that you primarily focus on what women can do to help the relationship succedd but what about men on the receiving end? at times, i can honestly say that doing some of those things gets taken for granted by him because now he’s comfortable and expects it so i have to act a little crazy to let him know i mean business. he says it shows i care apparently. how should men act in a ldr? it seems one sided especially given that i make the effort every time to come visit him, send little gifts and reminders that i care. we talk everyday which is necessary especially given how far apart we are, but i refused to visit him again because the last time i did, he acted like he didn’t want me there and was completely annoyed by my presence. i was inside the house all day while he was at work and when he came home, i wanted to show him a little affection but he shooed me away as if he was annoyed. he didn’t acknowledge me nor did he act as if he was happy that i traveled 14 hours and 31 minutes to visit him. july 18, 2015, 4:23 pm cailin just a little minor details: he was in the army and recently got out. i would visit him all the time while in the army because i knew the process of him taking leave was long so i didn’t mind going around my work and school schedule to visit him. he’s out of the army now and he and i are from the same city but he moved to georgia with his brother temporarily. i have also visited him out there many times and sent little reminders of how much i care (basically what i would do when he was in the army). he haven’t tried to visit me since but always expects me to and i shouldn’t be the only one putting in effort. he says it’s because of work but i feel that if i can schedule off work to visit, so can he. again, the last time i went to visit him in georgia, he acted like he didn’t want me there and the affection that i tried to give him was “clingy” and “annoying” as he puts it but yet he wanted me to text him all throughout the day while i was down there. seems pretty backwards. furthermore, when i find my inner happiness and don’t argue about texts, calls, etc. he thinks there’s someone else in the picture and that i’ve stopped caring and when i do actually argue about texts, calls, etc. then i’m always finding something to complain about. why is this? july 18, 2015, 4:36 pm mjay great article, really helpful may 31, 2015, 10:25 pm ardn she’s into the verge of giving up our ldr. i am really enlightened with your advice but some of the tips that you said like talking on the phone whenever we can, that doesn’t work anymore. she’s really pissed out on me checking up on her from time to time. not that i don’t trust her, of course i do, but because i missed her so bad. things will be fine when she’s there listening and talking on the other line. how can i make her understand that i also needed a little of her time esp when she’s off from work. she wants to gave up and even shoved me away from her life because of so much pressure and stress she felt from our ldr. i really want to move on and give her the freedom that she wanted so bad. letting her go means loving her so much. but i am not ready to endure the pain of setting her free because i still believe that we can work it out. god, how can i hold on to someone who is desperately wanting to go. may 31, 2015, 1:45 pm leigha thankyou so much you are like a very awesome one and very sweet at times. may 27, 2015, 5:47 pm beabeau u mentioned to have a fulfilling exciting happy life that will overflow to your ldr relationship and will give you happy mode..but not all the time is happy..and bed of roses…there are times when you just feel down and out…how to you prevent this from spilling into your ldr..can you avoid calls altogether and just say you are busy or tired…not all days are perfect… may 16, 2015, 1:11 pm princess by the sheer length of this post, i came to see that you’re not actually negative about ldr (as what i perceived from your other articles whenever ldr is mentioned), and that you still want to help. well, thank you so much because i’m currently “caring” if i would start an ldr with some guy i met over vacation. we are halfway around the world apart and the distance itself would already produce doubts. even if it started out the greatest way it can be, i can’t stress enough how fear and worries would start creeping in sooner than expected. i am cracking my head on what to do for the past few weeks and it feels so helpless. practically, i would say that loving a person without expecting anything (as in nothing) in return is an absolute crap. but this time it liberates me thinking of just giving selfless love and ‘letting go’. i felt fine and happy again right after reading this. this is heaven-sent.. hope you live a hundred years eric! ???? may 16, 2015, 6:32 am anna lee this is pretty useful and truthful information. relationships can be extremely rewarding but so challenging at times, especially when the rose tinted glasses come off and you experience that lull. in a long distance relationship, that can feel so scary especially when at one point you were so sure everything would work out and you guys would be together forever but seemingly all of a sudden, convos don’t feel the same, and someone seems to be putting in less effort. this article gets it right. long lasting, meaningful relationships are all about growth and requires falling in love over and over again, as they say, with the same person. and to do that expect that at some point, in some form, you guys might fall out of love a little bit. take comfort in knowing that it is a natural thing and if it was meant to be, it will work out. this makes letting go a bit easier. april 5, 2015, 8:28 am tonya byrd i know 52 miles apart and the only time they can visit is on the weekend due to there jobs. i got sick and while i was gone to my sisters 15 miles away and got better and he met her on dating site, anyway i called him and said ready to come home he said no he is already in a relationship. i was stunned, but still in love with him, do you think if i send him little e cards might work? march 4, 2015, 2:55 pm jovonna this is a great article & i agree to majority… i’m currently in a long distance relationship he’s back at home working and going to school while i’m out of state going to school. before i left we were under each other all the time. soon as i get off work n he get off work we’re together. once i told him i was going out of state for school it was the most devastating thing in life, he shed tears & of course i did too. we’ve only seen each other 4 times since i’ve been here & the last time he drove to where i’m at. i’ve been bitchy about it lately & he has too & i don’t want it to end. we miss each other entirely a lot & i feel like the distance is tearing us apart like he can’t see me when he want to see me because he works & go to school & then again i go to school & i can’t afford to keep getting a greyhound or megabus when he wants to see me. jeg ved ikke hvad jeg skal gøre. i want to transfer but i don’t know how my dad is going to take that because he got me in this school & i really don’t want to hear what he have to say. i need help seriously ???? february 27, 2015, 8:52 am shayla wow eric. great insight. it’s the advice i would have given my gf’s but was not doing myself :(. i’m in a temporary ldr with my fiance and boy did i start to do all the wrong things u mentioned which surprised even myself..i know better and always thought i was tougher. i started the “neediness” and even i recognized the pathetic jealous interrogative attitudes. my poor fiance!. there was a time or 2 i was worried he may walk because of it so i stopped all the non sense. he has been so patient with it too but i had him questioning if this was gonna work. after reading this i am full force into living my life and when “fear” creeps in i tell a gf but never let on to him. he now sends me sweet songs and initiates the “miss u” and we are getting back to the way it was before. i feel alot stronger and i appreciate your wonderful advice. everything you said is so true! my fiance is a wonderful hardworking faithful man and never has deserved any distrust.. that all crept in from my past hurts and and i am thankfu l to have halted this behavior before i lost the most amazing man god placed in my life. i believe no matter how good a man is or how much they love someone if they feel pressured interrogated or untrusted they will walk. thank u again! god bless! february 22, 2015, 11:03 pm gracie hi eric! this is really interesting to see a long-distance relationship from a guy’s perspective because i feel like getting advice from my girl friends is not the same. so my boyfriend and i have been texting and calling each other a lot and our convos used to make me feel like he really loved me because he always talked about the future together. but after he just visited me for a weekend and went back home i feel like our convos became shorter and less-dense. he also makes excuses as to why he can’t skype but he’s going to download it soon. am i just worrying for nothing or is there something to worry about? i also heard that maybe it’s different for guys after they’ve seen their girlfriends and have to go home again without them than it is for girls. he’s mentioned to me that it’s hard on him to be home again and can’t feel motivated to do anything but doesn’t text me or call me as much anymore (but we still talk everyday ..just not about anything important or interesting). i would really love to know your take on this! thank you so much!! february 22, 2015, 12:02 pm maria thank you very much for your post… it has really helped me. after reading it, i find myself more free, and more able to give love without expecting something in return… i’ve remembered about true love, and it feels like a mental heaviness that was appearing in my mind, has now being lifted up, a gentle loving breeze taking its place. tak skal du have! :) i hope i can come back to read this when i’m feeling low or not so confident about the relationship. thank you very much :) february 18, 2015, 1:11 pm angel my boyfriend of almost 3 years went to work abroad and we’re on 6mos ldr. before that, we are always together and we have a really strong connection. i am satisfied and so happy with our relationship. we rarely have fights, we go very well together, but things got hard when he left. of course, by all means i supported him because he wanted to work and we got plans for our future. but each passing months that we’re apart, my fear grows that i even suspected him of cheating me. he keep on telling me that he loves me and we continue our ldr despite of all my doubts. but lately, i noticed that he’s losing interest and i get alarmed. i get confused again, i overthink..maybe he got someone else or he doesn’t want me anymore or he’s bored with me or find me not good to talk with anymore…not until i saw and read this article. i feel guilty, i realized that there are times that he is complaining that i’m pressuring him, that i’m making things hard for him. before, i didn’t get it, but now i understand. 2 things, this article taught me… 1.)i should not “care” ( i should not worry or fear ) this article is very true. i keep on saying that im focusing with this relationship and i really care, but deep inside of me is the thought that i keep on focusing on my boyfriend’s schedule, actions and i really “care” (worried) about what he is doing…2.) lighten his load not add to it. at times, i get mad at him if he’s not calling or sending message, i feel that he’s not thinking about me anymore, i feel not important, and i keep fighting with him because of that. now i realized, he got a lot of load being overseas, working and living there alone and i should not stressed him anymore. this article open my eyes and i’ll keep on reminding myself about it, so i can give my best for my boyfriend even we’re apart and make our ldr successful, until time comes that we can be together again. tak! february 17, 2015, 2:34 pm mike eric, thank you for writing this article. it has been invaluable in changing my perspective on loving unconditionally my so in the ldr im currently in. and if one doesnt feel enough love being returned, then its time to move on rather than getting twisted in a knot about it. life is always changing. as soon as one acknowledges that fact, its a lot easier to appreciate living in the here and now. february 11, 2015, 5:13 am eric charles i’m glad to hear it and you’re welcome. held og lykke. february 11, 2015, 11:41 am elaine wow! it’s like you just know when to post what! met a wonderful, amazing man while on holiday almost 2 months ago, 10hours from where i permanently reside. i’ve been thinking of moving to that area since september last year and know that my decision is based on me and mine, not because of someone. although it wasn’t my first thought when we accidentally met (thanks to our kids, i’ve got 2, he’s got 3!!), the time we spent together was absolutely amazing and the other day he mentioned we’re exclusive. didn’t make a big deal of it, but it’s nice to hear! we chat a lot over messages, have skyped before and occasionally we’ll call, since our schedules are a quite hectic. this is only a temporary ldr, although it started out as one. i really appreciate you sharing these very important points and advice. and like you said, ldr or not, if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t. end of story. have never been in a ldr before, so this is unchartered territory for me. thank you for this very helpful article! we both have very fulfilling lives and jam-packed schedules!! i’ve read so much that i already do get right in this relationship and the rest are all great bonuses to know! you’re a rock star!! february 4, 2015, 5:24 am essien edima thank you so much,you are vry correct you have really solved my problem in ldr. my mind is at rest now.i will put evrything into practice. january 27, 2015, 6:39 am dazz i’ve been reading your advices and i find it very helpful. it made me realized what i am doing wrong in my current relationship and why all my past relationship ended. mange tak. i am on a ldr too. i have realized my mistakes so my question is how do i amend all that? he’s been frustrated with me the last time we talk coz i didn’t get what he was trying to tell me the whole time. i only realized it over your advices and it was the exact same things he was telling me before. we haven’t talked after that. i don’t want to message him first coz he didn’t want to talk about it anymore the last time and i don’t wanna sound needy again. how do i tell him that i fully understand him now and i know now where he is coming from? should i wait for his message first and give him all the space or can i send him a message to explain that i get him now? Vær venlig at hjælpe mig. i don’t want to make another mistake again. tak skal du have. january 22, 2015, 8:01 pm mb best post ever, hands down. you truly do know what you’re talking about. anm is a real gem. tak eric. you’re the man. thanks for all that you do (alexis too!). january 6, 2015, 5:41 am anna so this was a really great read, but no matter where i search i can’t really find anything for people who are together but not. we live a few states away so seeing each other often is rough. we text everyday and skype (i wish we could talk on the phone more but we are both in living situations where privacy is limited…(shoutout to all the other adults still living at home!). we’re actually also in the midst of planning a weekend get away. really he is great and everything i could want in a guy, (he also wins some serious bonus points for sticking around so long to even convince me to go on a first date and he’s been understanding and patient with my own trouble figuring things out as i come with a bad past from an abusive ex.) as great as he is tho, i feel like we’ve hit a road block. he and i have had the “yes we are exclusive” talk but we haven’t moved past that. when we do see one another its great; we are happy to go to dinner, do a fun activity, see a movie, or just sit together in silence and enjoy each other’s company. (and yes of course there is sex). we have both talked about how we can definitely see a future for us, and he’s often expressed just how much he likes and cares for me; but it feels like that is where it stops. i feel as if there had been a shift in how we used to talk, like some of his flirtatiousness and pursuing is gone. of course this makes a gal worry. and last i asked him about his feelings about us he did he still wants to go for this and make that step to officially calling us a “couple” ( boyfriend/girlfriend. .. do people still use those terms? ) but he’s expressed that the distance is the only thing holding him back. …as much as i like him and want to try and make this work, do you think we even have a chance? i know this isn’t the most eloquently written email and that theres really not a lot of details but im just feeling a little lost. i want to see this work, and obviously the distance worries me too, but where do i go from here? january 3, 2015, 7:00 am rita thanks eric for the great posts here…i found them really useful…but i didnt get the answer to my questions in ldr,it s been about two years i m in relationship with my boyfriend who is a doctor,in fact we both are doctors and busy…but recently i noticed my bf is not coming the same pace as i am,i have the same situation as the first comment which remained unreplied by you… december 23, 2014, 7:17 pm ankita hi i am in ldr for 4 years, it was very tough for both of us, fights and problems just never end. well the problem is same, i once even said to him that i can not live this way because of his behavior like not calling me, sometimes distracted and many a times he was flirting with other women . recently i was soo pissed off that i said i dont wanna live with you anymore i love you but i can not handle your behavior, and he took me for granted, i realized that i was being too available for him. during the time when i said i dont want to be in a realshionship anymore and i changed my status on facebook. i constantly begged me and said sorry and asked me to put the status back, i couldn’t understaand and i said if you dont care about my feelings anymore why you wanna stay in this relashionship anymore, he said i love you and i promise i wont hurt you i am sorry and i was just busy at work so dint realize, and said he will never hurt me , he cried almost. i couldn’t see him like that so i forgiven him again. but i now feel that its all same again i mean once he do some effort to get me back and then again same cold distant behavior, talking to me very casually so i did the same i talked to him casually, but i feel that he is again taking me for granted. i just dunn understand why cant he value me the way he used to earlier. and if he does not want to then why is he dragging this relationship, i do love him but i also want to be valued and cared. why he take me for granted. sometimes he himself says to me ur the best thing that has happened to me, and u r an angel to me. but its all sometime many times i just feel like i am talking to a very cold boring person. he was not like that may be the work pressure made him that way, but if he can be cool wid his othr frnds then why not me, i mean the romance the lil chats and fun we used to have was great, and it never felt that v r apart but now i really feel the emptiness of lack of communication, its like once in a blue moon we really talk to each other about us and future and share feelings ,then we appreciate each othr when it feel so great to have a talk like that and then again a cold distant feeling which is like very long as i said once in a blue moon, it sometimes kills me inside because i really want to share everythng we do everyday or atleast 3-4 times a week not just a casual talk or no talk but i want to have a great conversation. december 23, 2014, 1:24 pm theresa april.2014 i met don in fb, he had been on my friends list yet i didn’t know. he “poked” me and from there began our relationship, he lives about a 10 hr drive from where i live in another state, he is an older man early 70’s & i’m close to 60. i’m a widow for 5 yrs now, he told me that he lives alone but has been in the process of a divorce since the previous yr & said it was taking awhile because of assets/money, he told me he has a large amount of money (i’m not materialistic so it didn’t impress me), when we first began chatting i told him i was still in the process healing from a previous ldr which was emotionally abusive & i was afraid of men, he was comforting & we shared a few things about each other, it seemed important to him that i call him an endearment ie hon, sweetie, etc, and i told him i couldn’t unless i was in love with him, this is what he wanted, for me to fall in love with him and he pursued me, we laughed and chatted and used loving emoticons, etc, and even tho i tried to resist eventually i fell in love with him, not long after that he hin ted of us being sexual & since it was something i’d never done online i resisted, once we began after awhile i noticed the romantic side of him gradually lessened and he didn’t chat as much with me tho we spent lots of time each day in fb, i kept asking about the divorce since he suggested that we get married after his divorce,, he took his time about it and at times didn’t want to talk about it but i kept mentioning it now and then, meanwhile we made plans once he moved here what we would do, what our lives would be like; where we wanted to live, etc and we were looking forward to it, he told me the divorce would be going thru soon so he sold his furniture, expensive, tools, packed boxes of kitchenware, etc and his nephew is storing everything at his place, all of a sudden i found out that his son & his family were moving into the house as soon as he got his job transfer and don told me he was going to sleep in his recliner in the tv room until it was time to move here, suddenly july 4th holiday came up and for about 1 to 1 1/2 wks he was mia, i kept typing to him in fb and i saw that he read it but he wouldn’t type back, when he did he told me grandkids were around and he couldn’t chat,, he wasn’t explaining anything at all and i was so upset i was spending most of my time crying not understanding, i’m the type of person when things start to not make sense and i get knots in my gut and my questions aren’t being answered ie avoided then i start to smell a rat, over the summer he spent less time with me and even tho i knew he was in his recliner and we were at times being intimate he didn’t chat as much as before, we would watch sports on our own tv’s & make comments about players or the scores but not much else, he even stopped typing goodnight and good morning, since our relationship began his stepdaughter (who lived nearby & his soon to be ex was living with her too) hacked into his fb acct, controlled his profile info, his wall,, he had no say which photos could be posted, etc,, she would be watching us type in fb chat & when he left the computer for a few min, he was continuing to type to me tho she was typing using his name & i wasn’t aware of it, she caused us hell in our relationship for 8 months and yet we stayed together, i recently found out that he was pretending to be his son having a ldr with a fb friend of mine while having one with me as himself (the father), so i was devastated that he had been lying and cheating all along but the real clincher was finding out that h e was still married when he told me that he definitely picked up the divorce papers & he was going to move here after christmas because he is a navy vet and has always been involved with the vfw & veterans home (his wife too) & he and others help the vets to open their presents, etc,, his stepdaughter blocked all my accts so i can’t chat with him, now during the holiday season he is surrounded by family & has difficulty being alone to contact me, he told me about one week ago he wanted to talk to me about plans he wants to make regarding everything. i’ve left multiple voicemails but no response, his stepdaughter told me in fb chat that she has deleted many messages i typed to him and he has never seen them and his phone is on her internet/cable/phone bill & i believe she has something to do with him not getting my voicemails, she is doing a great job keeping us apart, he told me he was going to a store to get a new phone, new number with a different company and would call me but with the kids off school, christmas shopping and i’m sure not leaving him alone or giving him time to get to a store, once again as in the past he is trapped, pressured and has no rights, they watch him like a hawk, i just want to hear what he wanted to talk to me about, even tho he has lied and cheated on me (as my 2 previous hubbies) i am curious what he wants to tell me, i still love him very much but i know i can’t trust him anymore, he told me before that he was so unhappy there and just wants to get out of there and leave for good, i voicemailed him & told him to ask himself if he truly doesn’t love his wife or is it just moments when they fight and don’t get along that he feels this way, i told him if he has been unhappy for a very long time then think that the few years he has left on this earth does he want to remain there and live in those conditions if it’s as bad as he tells me or just to leave and find some happiness and enjoy the latter part of his life because it isn’t worth staying if someone is threatening him ie if you leave me i’ll take you for as much as i can if you try to divorce me, etc etc which would add more fear and stress in his life, i’m scared for him because he had a heart attack august of 2013 and with the stress of his fb acct stolen, being controlled by his wife and stepdaughter and having no freedom and rights that he’ll have another attack and this time it’ll be fatal,, anyway i don’t know what is true or what isn’t but i’d like him to talk to me at least one more time but i think he has the impressio n i have wiped my hands clean of him even tho each time i leave a msg on his phone i reassure him that i do love him but that i’ve had my fill of liars and cheaters and i won’t put up with that anymore,, ok sorry for it being so long,, so many other details which would it all make more sense but no point, it is what it is, i still cry but the hysterics have calmed down, i miss him terribly and want to help him but if he doesn’t contact me then i have to accept that he wants to live that way *shrugs* december 20, 2014, 4:28 pm fancy perrine i love this advice. so true. it can be hard and i know all these things you just really crystalized it for me. let it go and relax and interesting things start to happen. november 25, 2014, 1:26 am joana cruz hi eric, my ldr is great in every way, however he has no intentions to ever move and i can’t move there for personal reasons. am i just wasting my time, even though he says he wants to be with me until the end of time? thank you, joana september 3, 2014, 2:10 pm jen greetings! thanks for the ideas and advices for the ldr sir charles, i feel better now…so great to know all these stuffs. more power and blessings to you sir eric and ma’am sabrina.. june 7, 2014, 11:39 am izzi very glad to see this article and comments about ldr’s that started out as ldr’s. i have a mix of ldr and withdrawal/why isn’t he calling me issues. i apologize in advance as this is a really long comment, but it is a pretty complicated situation and i tried to include all pertinent facts. i met a man last year. we live 2,000 miles apart, but a mutual friend brought us together in her european flat for 2 weeks (her plan to set us up). he was just starting out on a year-long journey around europe, soul searching and contemplating what to do with his life after a really nasty divorce (his ex cheated on him and manipulated him in the divorce 5 years prior) and divesting himself of his business. we’re both in our 40’s. we had a terrific time together and became good friends, staying in contact and getting to know each other more through email while he traveled. when he returned from his trip, he invited me to come visit him for 3 weeks (we toured around his country and had some down-time together to see what it was like to be together like a normal couple, running errands and every-day life – not just vacation time). we have an easy compatibility, and share the same values and perspectives about what is important in life. we had fun doing everything, even a 12-hour car trip and just doing nothing, and the 3 weeks flew by (never felt like it was too much time together). he has all of the characteristics that are deal-breakers for me in a serious relationship (and a lot of bonus ones that are icing on the cake). he introduced me to all of his friends and family during my visit, and i really enjoyed them and felt it was mutual. we decided to take it slow during my visit (although there is great chemistry, we decided not to have sex until we were sure we wanted to be in an exclusive, committed, monogamous relationship) and just enjoy each other’s company and see how we felt about a possible ldr at the end of the trip. he initiated a conversation about where this relationship could go, including whether i would be willing to move there (he did not want to move where i live), how he has to think about what is best for both of us in contemplating new career opportunities and (the potential tax consequences of) us getting married. we both felt that there was huge potential for a relationship with a future, and decided to try the ldr to continue to get to know one another and see where things could go. the first 2 weeks after the visit we talked once or twice a week (pretty evenly split on who initiated the call). but i noticed he stopped responding to my emails and flirty texts since i returned from the visit (but i never mentioned that to him). i only sent one a week, which was less than the frequency before the visit (intentional to avoid him feeling smothered). then he started a new, high pressure job. the last time we talked, he ended the conversation saying he would give me a call. that was 2 1/2 weeks ago (and i have not emailed or texted since then). just for context, before my visit, we had spoken about once a week but then twice or more in the last weeks immediately before the trip, so the frequency of communication has not increased since the trip (again, trying to keep it light). i know he is busy with the new job, and think maybe he is the kind of guy who can’t really focus on more than one big thing at a time. he might think everything is fine for all i know. or maybe this is his way of securing a future for both of us, his way of showing he cares. then i wonder is he doing the freakout phase/rubber band thing (even though he is the one who was talking about moving in together and getting married). i am the first woman he has dated since the divorce, and he said he was gun-shy. he doesn’t talk about personal things with his family or friends, but he does talk about them and his dreams and feelings with me (so he has let me in on a deep level). but i know guys go through this fear of losing freedom even if they are the ones who initiated the relationship. i think he also has a self-worth issue, because he had a dysfunctional family (felt he was never good enough for his father) and he mentioned how past relationships (prior to the divorce) did not work out because he sometimes says/does the wrong thing at the right time (my perception is that was self-sabotage to avoid getting hurt deeper later on in the relationship). part of me thinks he might be doing this on purpose, to drive me away because he is scared he is going to get really hurt again (he admitted he is afraid i will meet someone else where i live). i am torn between (a) not calling him, giving him space and waiting to see if he comes back and calls me, and (b) calling him and just being light and airy, not mentioning anything about how long it’s been since we talked or asking what’s going on. if there was no self-worth/self-sabotage issue, i would be totally comfortable with not calling (and ok if there is no call if he is just not that into me because i want and deserve a man who thinks and treats me like i am the prize that i am). but intuition is telling me this is self-sabotage, and i might be able to help him to move past that by remaining calm and just trying to focus on enjoying each other’s company and the things that we were initially attracted to in each other (easy-going, fun-loving, spontaneous, kindness, humor, witty conversation and intellectual stimulation). should i call him, or wait and see if he calls me? may 4, 2014, 12:10 pm rebeka i have very, very similar situation. how things are going now? for me the problem is that sometimes i feel sad when hasn`t heard from him for a week and when i call him and ask him to say me something sweet (isn`t it normal sometimes to be sad and ask the other to be emphatetic?) he becomes angry. during this week he works a lot and he says he doesn`t feel a need to communicate with me. he`s grown up in cold family. first i thought that he doesn`t love me but that`s not truth. maybe i can teach him to be more nice and warm… though this is not something that he needed until now. june 3, 2014, 6:59 am bri first of all, thank you so much for this article, it helped me to process the long distance relationship i am in now. my concern with my long distance relationship may be different from others since it wasn’t something either me or my boyfriend chose; i am away in graduate school while he is back home working. we have mutually decided that we want it to be a local relationship soon & that he will move up here within the next year. but with the stress of our individual finances & a lack of support for our relationship from my family, our ways of communication & seeing each other to keep the love alive are limited & is something we’ve both agreed is taking a toll on our relationship causing him to pull away to sort things out. while i’m trying to be supportive & give him his “psychological” space because i do realize this is a lot to deal with even if we both knew it was coming, i can’t help the irrational fears of the relationship ending because we’re not local or what have you. i’m not sure what to do…& i’m not sure if this is too vague to generate any advice or help which i’d really appreciate to help me cope & learn to live with as you’ve advised. september 5, 2013, 8:08 pm aurora my boyfriend of two years just left for japan to go to school yesterday and we talked about all the fears you have listed and i was perfectly fine with him leaving, i even feel excited for him because its an amazing place…. but those thoughts are getting to me, even if i take your advise, i can only fallow it for so long i’m bound to slip up after a month or so. i really like this article you have some great idea’s like cooking together (even though josh and i are at a 14 hour difference) you’ll be happy to know this article stopped me from sending a very confusing message to him :p something like ” if i miss you this much now i can’t imagine how painful it will be in a month” on that note is it really okay to tell him i miss him ? knowing there’s nothing he can do about it… or to tell him i want him to come home? even though japan is the place wheres he’s wanted to go even before he met me…. do i just say ” i love you, have fun ” and go on with missing him one sided ? august 19, 2013, 10:48 pm kelly tell him you miss him, i guy wants to know he’s missed even if there is nothing he can do try to be excited and ask questions about his day but obviously he’d love to know you would rather he was next to you. january 4, 2015, 8:13 pm giselle my boyfriend is a marine and is in town for less than a month. hes an old friend of the family but we started talking/dating online. this is the first time we met as a couple. hes leaving for another 5 months and has plans to moving back here in nyc. we both came out of nasty relationships recently and have a great understanding of what we want in a relationship, which is why we are confident with having a long distance relationship. ive never done this before but am up for it. this article really helped me because i know i have many fears (due to past experiences) and i recently let my fears get the best of me and created an issue that could have been avoided had i focused more on the relationship and not my fears and concerns. the issue i created has raised a red flag for him..but i am hoping we can get past it and work on things so we can be in a good place. i dont want to waste the time he is here with negative energy. june 11, 2013, 4:34 pm miranda eric: as usual, this is excellent advice. i have always been extremely skeptical of relationship psychologists and self-help “gurus” – i am a scientist and there is a lot of derision about psychology/self-help in my field. about a year and a half ago, i was actually having a conservation with my friend about how silly a lot of the advice given by relationship columnists is and was looking for an example… and that’s when i stumbled upon “ask a guy”. despite my bias against these sorts of sites, i couldn’t help but to really think about a lot of what eric was saying and found myself reading through all of the previous posts. now i am in a relationship that is so healthy and fulfilling that i can’t even believe it sometimes. a lot of the credit goes to my awesome boyfriend, but in the past i would have found a way to screw things up. i have really internalized what eric has to say and it has really impacted my relationships in a positive way. i never realized that by constantly feeling like i wasn’t enough for my boyfriends, i was making them feel like they weren’t enough. sometimes i find myself slipping back into irrational, needy thoughts but if i just read the posts here it helps me get grounded again. also, because i am generally very focused on the relationship instead of focusing on my insecurities, my relationship has more of a buffer for when i occasionally lapse into unhealthy thoughts. now that my relationship is going long distance in a month, i have found myself worrying about it a bit. and once again, eric’s advice managed to ease my concerns and helped me have a more constructive outlook on things. ladies: listen up, because i truly believe that eric’s advice can change your life for the better. eric: keep up the good work. i have seen some people attacking you in the comments before, but don’t let it faze you! and thank you for yet another insightful and helpful post. may 2, 2013, 2:55 pm eric charles thanks miranda, i really appreciate that. one of my greatest mentors and teachers was a great scientist / inventor. who knows, maybe all those years of learning from him rubbed off and made me palatable to other scientists. :) may 2, 2013, 3:21 pm kendra excellent article. i love having permission to let it go and just let it be what it is. a lot of advice adds pressure to make the relationship be a certain way, but this is really refreshing. plus, i know it takes a lot of work, confidence and esteem to be happy with your own life, and it’s essential to building any kind of successful relationship. thanks eric! you are the man! may 2, 2013, 12:10 pm eric charles thanks a lot. glad you found it helpful… and yes, sometimes it really is amazing how gripping emotional-investment can be, in a negative sense. relationship success requires a special kind of “caring”… may 2, 2013, 3:11 pm joanne thanks for your thoughts on this, eric! long distance relationships are difficult. i’ll try to keep this article in mind. april 22, 2013, 12:56 pm eric charles you’re welcome, of course. :) may 2, 2013, 3:11 pm rain good article. i think the points you make are really spot. i was just wondering though….what are your thoughts on ldrs that start out as ldrs? for example, my bf and i originally met online and we’ve been in an ldr for 2.5 years now. april 18, 2013, 12:50 am zaarah rain you and i on the same wave length, i would also like to know the answer to that. could we chat privately? i am really looking for a friend right now, one that would understand my situation and wow, had i not stumbled across this website, i would never have come across your question. how can i share my email address with you? april 23, 2013, 3:41 am lana great article, in ldr myself and completely agree that if you have a definite plan for future together meaning you both know you want this future then it is effortless and doesn’t spoil life or love. sometimes it just happens that you cannot avoid spending some time apart, and for us this time is not a problem. of course we are missing each other a lot, but it’s bearable, we have our ways to feel closer and to stay connected. and this time apart made us even more sure we are the ones we want for the rest of our lives. i haven’t seen my love for 4 months and will see him next time in 2 months only (so excited!). but these months apart are so worth it, cause we know we have a long happy life together ahead : ) and we both have happy and full lives while beeing apart too : ) april 17, 2013, 2:51 am ellen this was a good relationship article… but i still would avoid being in a ldr at all costs even if it meant breaking up with a man i love. i just don’t think they’re a good idea and if you really believe in your relationship being “the one”, you wouldn’t let it become a ldr in the first place. just my 2 cents. april 16, 2013, 5:18 pm candice thank you so much for writing this. i’ve wanted you to write a ldr article for a while now. your articles are so deep and so thorough, i would say they are better than almost all of the books out there. thank you for making this great info available to all of us for free. you are an angel. april 16, 2013, 5:17 pm