Spørg en fyr: Når en fyr trækker sig tilbage efter sex

jen dette er et godt råd. tak 20. juli 2019, 11:35 juliy Jeg kan godt lide denne fyr, og jeg vidste, at han har en kæreste, og han er 10 år yngre, så jeg sagde til ham, lad os tilslutte og jeg ville ikke fortælle det godt efter seks måneder, at vi havde sex to gange, jeg kan virkelig godt lide ham, men han vil ikke sende mig en sms mere, sagde han er optaget, så jeg ved ikke, om jeg bare skal gå videre. 25. februar 2019, 14:10 christine erikson virkelig simpelt: intet sex uden et gensidigt obsessivt forhold først, der vil fordoble løfter. offentlig forpligtelse. dette er for livet, uanset om vi gør det lovligt eller ej. hvis han har en let let baggrund, hvis han ikke er jomfru eller har mere end meget få tidligere seksuelle partnere og god grund til, at de ikke stadig er sammen, skal du ikke have mere at gøre med ham. hvis du er den samme slags affald - ryd op! dette handler om åndelig sygdom ikke fysisk. 16. april 2018, 11:24 am alissa undrer jeg mig. der er en mand, der virkelig ønsker at danse mig og have et sekund med mig. Jeg vil ikke have noget af det, men kan ikke slippe af med ham. Han er en flink mand, jeg kan godt lide ham som person og han er attraktiv, men jeg vil bare ikke danne et forhold til nogen, vil ikke blive involveret i andre menneskers liv og for dem at blande sig i mit. så jeg tænker bare, måske skulle jeg lade ham have et sekund med mig på en afslappet måde, så han får det, han vil, og forhåbentlig mister interessen og lader mig være i fred. vil det fungere undrer jeg mig 15. september 2017, 10:58 alissa ah, min telefon kender ikke ordet sex ... 15. september 2017, 11 : 00 am angelina dette skete for nylig for mig. mødte en fyr gennem et ægte betalt datingside. han talte meget om, hvordan han hadede kvinder, der løj, som han tidligere har løjet af to tidligere partnere. han sadi, han ville aldrig behandle mig ond, skadet mig eller lyve for mig og sagde, at jeg var perfekt til ham på mange måder. vi havde et par datoer, og han sagde, at han kunne falde for mig på en stor måde. han var ret amourøs, men jeg udsatte ham indtil et par datoer senere, hvor jeg kogte middag til ham. lidenskab tog over, og vi elskede. Jeg følte mig sikker med ham ved at vide, at han havde sagt, at han ikke ville lyve for mig, og han fortalte mig, at jeg var fantastisk i sengen. han sad natten og var glad om morgenen, og vi elskede igen. Jeg lavede ham morgenmad, men han var nødt til at rejse tidligt til arbejde. bortset fra en kort tekst for at sige, at han kom i gang med at arbejde ok, og at jeg havde haft en vidunderlig aften med ham, blev han derefter helt stille, bare ingenting !! Jeg besluttede ikke at sende ham sms igen og give ham plads. to dage senere bemærkede jeg, at han var logget ind på datingsiden, men ikke havde set på min profil. Jeg antog, at så snart han havde afgivet løfter om ikke at lyve for mig eller skade mig eller behandle mig dårligt, var han på jagt efter den næste person i seng. tale om 'spilde ingen tid'. vi er begge midt i 50'erne, så det var ødelæggende for mig, da du ikke forventer at blive behandlet på en sådan måde på min tid af livet. Jeg følte skyld for at have givet efter for hans fremskridt så hurtigt, men han vidste nøjagtigt hvad jeg skulle sige for at få mig til at føle mig 'sikker'. råd til alle, der går ud med mænd, uanset hvilken alder du er, eller hvor længe du har kendt disse mænd, hold dig væk fra at komme i sæk med dem. hvis de er ægte, vil de vente på sex, og selvom ting slutter efter sex på et senere tidspunkt, vil du i det mindste vide lidt mere om, hvem du bliver involveret i og vil have lagt dem igennem. det havde sat mig ud af dating-sider for godt. de fleste mænd er ikke udviklet nok til ikke at se ensomme kvinders skår som en slags fest, som de kan manipulere og bruge til deres egne formål. i det mindste kunne denne mand have haft anstændighed til at sende mig en tekst, der sagde, at jeg ikke var for ham, bare for at slippe mig af krogen for at 'undre sig', det var en frygtelig ting at gøre, at fortælle så mange løgne, men næste tid, hvis der nogensinde er en, ved jeg bedre. 24. juli 2017, 05:11 ashley Jeg forstår virkelig, at jeg er 19 år, og jeg er lige færdig med at læse alt. Jeg gennemgik bogstaveligt talt den samme ting, som han fik mig til at føle mig så speciel. Jeg troede virkelig, det var ham. men lige efter den første aften havde jeg sex med ham, svarede han aldrig efter. det gør virkelig ondt. 10. august 2017, 02:29 lamia jeg er virkelig ked af at du var nødt til at gennemgå dette, jeg føler med dig, vi beslutter alle at aldrig stole på nogen igen, men så vi bliver slået af dette behov for intimitet og behov for at føle os elsket og værdsat .. jeg håber dig bedst, intet er umuligt, livet er fyldt med dejlige overraskelser 11. august 2017, 12:39 tara denne artikel og et par andre, som jeg hidtil har læst på dit websted, har hjulpet mig så meget. Jeg har mødt nogen stor, og jeg har virkelig brug for at slappe af. Jeg har været fuldstændig besat af, hvor ofte han skriver til mig, og det burde virkelig ikke have noget, og du har helt ret, og jeg hader at være den person alligevel - - måske er det bare sådan, at jeg ubevidst saboterer forholdets reaktion på min egne personlige problemer. Jeg har altid været lykkeligere single, fordi det betyder, at jeg ikke bliver skør og bekymret for en fyr, der svigter mig. hvad med jeg lige har lært at være lykkelig, mens jeg har nogen i mit liv? tak - - jeg havde brug for den direkte snak, og jeg kommer tilbage her hver gang jeg har brug for et spark i hovedet! jeg sætter pris på det. Jeg vil ikke miste muligheden for noget, der kan være godt i fremtiden, bare fordi jeg er bange lige nu. det vil tage praksis - - der er ingen tvivl om det. tak igen. du gør godt arbejde. 5. juni 2017, 16:43 jacky Jeg foreslår, at du er pænere over for folk, der søger råd i fremtiden eric charles ... denne unge dame efter min ydmyge mening har ikke gjort noget forkert overhovedet .. hun brugte ikke sex som forhandlingsværktøj og behøver ikke, at du gør det tunge på hende ... mænd skuffer. kvinder disspoint. det er bare en ubehagelig kendsgerning i livet..hun lyder dejlig og venlig og tankevækkende, og her får du hende til at føle sig værre, end hun allerede føler ... fyren var en duschpose, slutningen af ​​!! mit råd til denne dejlige dame er at komme hurtigt videre fra denne idiot !!! ikke mere phycho-analyse .. fyr, der ikke er en anstrengelse værd ... nu er det råd, der er værd at tage ... ️ 17. marts 2017, 05:29 rabi sherif (fru.) når en fyr trækker sig tilbage efter sex, det er ikke noget at bekymre sig om. spørgsmålet er, om han klarede sig godt, at du endda vil have ham tilbage? hvis ikke hvorfor bekymre dig selv om ham? sandheden er, at ikke alle mænd kan tilfredsstille en kvinde. 3. januar 2017, kl. 05:15 cindy Jeg kan være på det forkerte sted, men nogen skal være ærlige over for mig. Jeg mødte en fyr i en ung alder og voksede til bare at knuse ham. vi flyttede langt fra hinanden, men hver gang jeg var i hans by, eller han var i min by, sov vi sammen, og det var som en weekend, hvor ingen anden havde noget at gøre. vi gjorde dette i årevis, og vi ville være sammen, men det var aldrig en god timing. om han eller hun var i et forhold, ville vi stadig sove sammen, hvis vi var i området. han trækker sig tilbage, som om han ikke er ligeglad, men vi kommunikerer, og årene er gået, og vi fik det til at ske igen. vi er generede i forhold og fik det igen til at ske. Jeg har en mærkelig kærlighed til ham. gør vi dette, fordi det er risikabelt og ikke formoder at. husk dig, jeg snyder ikke, medmindre det er med ham, der kan ske måneder eller år senere. vi har gjort dette til og fra i 15 år. hvad laver jeg ******* 22. oktober 2016, 19:24 mike der var sexet. og romantisk. held og lykke 27. september 2016, 04:14 kennypowersforprez16 ramte neglen på hovedet. og dette kommer fra en kvinde. nogle gange er du nødt til at finde ud af en måde at tilbringe din tid på, der faktisk gør dig glad (et hold på et lokalt rec center eller hvad der nu er din kop te) i stedet for bogstaveligt talt at spilde på udkig efter problemer i dit forhold. glade mennesker tiltrækker andre mennesker. sæt din lykke som målet, så finder du den person, du leder efter. 9. september 2016, 2:33 am cymone “først er det en kæmpe fejl at se på relationer som en slags spil, hvor der er regler at følge og strategiske måder at reagere på specifikke situationer. ” hvor ironisk. er det ikke det, hele dette site handler om? 29. august 2016, 06:19 nina nina jeg er 35 år gammel pige, der daterer den 40-årige succesrige læge. han er en succesrig lægehjælp i sf, skilt og har 1 søn. Jeg kommer også fra en meget respektabel indonesisk familie, vi har været i 10 måneders langdistance, før han besluttede at komme til at besøge mig den 16. juli, min fødselsdag. han nævnte aldrig før, at han tog sin kvindelige pa med sig, selvom han fortalte mig, at efter at have besøgt mig, skulle han til singapore til en lægekonference. vi havde gode tider, endelig elsket. alt var smukt, indtil jeg blev fuld, og jeg følte, at hans kvindelige far rørte ved mig. de fejl, jeg lavede, råbte jeg på hans kvindelige assistent, da jeg drak på min fødselsdag. Jeg nægtede også at have sex med ham. Jeg kunne ikke huske noget af begivenheden, fordi jeg var så beruset, jeg huskede kun, at jeg kastede op, før jeg gik ud. den næste morgen blev han kold og fjern og sparkede mig ud fra lejligheden, vi lejede, hans far fortalte mig, at han skal til Singapore for at deltage i et møde, og jeg må hellere forlade, fordi de vil afslutte noget arbejde, før de går til lufthavnen. i første omgang klagede jeg over, at han lovede at blive hos mig i det mindste i en uge, men han fortalte mig, at han også er chokeret over tidsændringen og bad mig om at rejse snart. før jeg gik, undskyldte jeg direkte hans far om, hvad der skete, da jeg var fuld og bad også om, at han skubbede ham væk, da han forsøgte at have sex med mig, mens jeg var fuld. han kyssede mig og omfavnede mig inden jeg gik og fortalte mig, at han er stolt af mig for at være rolig og viste værdighed under de uventede omstændigheder. kort efter jeg gik sendte jeg ham lange beskeder for at takke ham for en mindeværdig fødselsdag og den indsats, han gjorde for at flyve fra san fransisco til jakarta for at besøge mig, jeg undskyldte også for min holdning, da jeg var fuld. Jeg fortalte ham, at jeg vil give ham plads og tid, han har brug for, jeg fortalte ham, at jeg elsker ham, og jeg har ikke brug for en anden mand til at gøre mig hel, og jeg vil bare gøre de ting, jeg gør, og fortsætte med at arbejde min måde for at få stipendium til USA som vi har planlagt. sagde jeg til ham, jeg vil gå til os med eller uden ham. dette er første gang, jeg lavede en fejltagelse, og i hele 10 måneder i løbet af vores lange afstand viste jeg ham, at jeg ikke er nogen dramadronning, jeg er stærk, uafhængig og har kvaliteter, han har brug for i en partner. det er gået to dage siden natten. han vender tilbage til sit land nu. og stadig ingen opkald eller beskeder. han blokerer dog ikke for mig i de apps, vi bruger til at kommunikere. Jeg stopper med at sende beskeder til ham, og i9 ringer ikke engang til ham ikke engang indtil nu. Jeg viser ham, at jeg mener det, da jeg sagde, at jeg vil give ham den plads, han har brug for. tror du, jeg stadig har en chance med ham? Jeg prøver stadig på at acceptere det faktum, at han knuste mit hjerte, og at han måske sov med sin kvindelige far. Jeg antager, at jeg stadig er i den klassiske benægtelsesstat. enhver hjælp / rådgivning accepteres varmt. 20. juli 2016, 21:17 eli Jeg læste artiklen og nogle af indlægene der, og jeg har et par ting, der kom op til mig. først og fremmest føler ikke alle kvinder sig så privilegerede at konkurrere om en flink fyrs opmærksomhed. nogle kvinder er ikke så konkurrencedygtige på en skønhedsskala, men jeg tror, ​​at enhver person har noget særligt at tilbyde en anden person. hvis den fyr, hun falder for, bruger hende og kaster hende i skraldespanden som en engangsserviet, kan det få enhver pige til at føle sig dårlig. hvad denne artikel får mig til at føle, at kvinder, der har nogle sikkerhedsproblemer, fordi de blev brændt et par gange eller ikke ser godt nok ud i forhold til andre, men stadig tiltalende, stadig ikke er gode nok til, at en mand kan vende sig om efter sex for hende. han leder efter en diamant i det grove, efter dyb forbindelse, men hvis en mand har sex med en kvinde ved at vide, at hun ikke er den pige, end han absolut ikke er værd at forfølge. han er en kujon, hue, usikker selv, ved ikke hvad han vil, bruger og så videre. Jeg mødte sjældent en kvinde, der vil sove med en mand, som hun ikke ønsker at forfølge efter første sex !!! det er mandens personlighed at prøve at humpe et par hunner og bremse et par hjerter, indtil de finder den specielle pige, der vil lære ham en lektion, og i slutningen kan han også blive dumpet, fordi hun finder nogen højere i privilegieskalaen eller ser hvad en fejling er det er han faktisk. mand synes altid at have sex først. hvad jeg bemærkede, er at mand og kvinder leder efter en gensidig fordel i den vestlige verden, hovedsagelig økonomisk, eller ser hun smuk nok ud til at gå ved siden af ​​mig. Meget overfladisk og lavvandet.Jeg prøver ikke at tage det personligt, hvis en mand smider mig efter sex, fordi jeg ved, at jeg er kærlig, seksuel, omsorgsfuld, intelligent, sjov og spændende og har en god personlighed i den rigtige type forhold. Jeg kan bare ikke tilbyde de rigtige ting til ham på det rigtige tidspunkt, eller måske er han ikke god nok for mig, men jeg ser en mand, der kan og er i stand til, og gav løftet om at holde fast eller underforstået det og derefter dumpe pigen, jeg tror, ​​han er en kujon, og der er ikke noget galt med hende, eller hvor meget hun kan tilbyde en dyb forbindelse, eller han er usikker eller føler sig ikke god eller selvsikker nok. Jeg har personligt været ude med en mand, som jeg kender, at jeg kan rulle fuld på gaden, og han tager sig af mig! Dette er den rigtige type fyre, jeg taler om, de andre er ikke stærke nok, selvsikker nok og har brug for ekstra beroligelse, sætter betingelser på kærlighed, hvor kærlighed og sex skal være ubetinget ubegrænset, og mennesket skal være gentleman og ikke undskylde sig med hende er ikke en god nok fangst. 23. marts 2016, 18:49 jess kærlighed 23. august 2018, 1:18 am shaddana i tror det bedst, du lader ham være i fred, jeg har været i en lignende situation, hvor den mand, jeg var sammen med, var helt kærlig fra den første aften, vi taler, jeg deler min hjertesorg med ham, n han forsikrer mig om, at han var anderledes, jeg læner mig ind for at stole på ham og har vi fået mere n mere, da han begyndte at ændre sig, forlod jeg ham, han ville ikke være ven med mig, medmindre han havde sex med mig, så jeg undgår ham fuldstændigt, han prøver hårdt på at date andre kvinder b intimt foran mig på arbejde med dem, så jeg ville føle mig dårlig .... i dag forsøger han at datere min ven, jeg tror det er bedst at gå for at starte forfra, men sæt din tillid til gud 28. november 2018, 12:50 pm viktoria Nå, jeg er ikke sikker på, om det er det rigtige sted at sende dette, men mit livs kærlighed brød op med mig for 3 måneder siden. vi havde aldrig 'ingen kontaktreglen', vi har altid været i kontakt, og vi ser os en gang om ugen. sagen er, at han fortalte mig, at han ikke elsker mig mere, og jeg tror, ​​det er sandt, for hvorfor skal du sige noget grusomt til nogen, der ville opgive alt for dig. Vi havde den mest romantiske kærlighed nogensinde, og ingen kan tro, det er forbi. Nå, jeg sagde, at vi hænger til tider, og når vi gør det, er det som om vi aldrig brød op. han kan ikke vente længere end 20 minutter og har brug for at kysse mig, han rækker ud for at tage min hånd, han gør alle bevægelser. nogle gange er jeg virkelig sur på ham, fordi han blokerede mig og slettede alle vores fotos på facebook, og jeg synes, det er ikke okay. vi havde også sex sammen ofte og efter køn ville han være kold for mig. det er altid sådan. vi kæmper, vi ser os, kæmper, alt er okay, vi har sex og boom, han ville ikke kontakte mig i 2 dage. Jeg ville bombe ham med beskeder, hvor uhøfligt han er, og han ville svare kort og koldt, som om han gjorde det bare på grund af sex. nu fortalte jeg ham, at vi kun kunne være venner, og at jeg ikke længere ønsker at sove hos ham. først sagde han, at dette ikke er okay, for hvis vi har en romantik, skal jeg sove med ham, i går bombet jeg ham meget med beskeder, og han fortalte mig, at han ikke vil have mig til at overnatte i hans hus, og han vil ikke sove med mig mere & at han har brug for plads. hvad jeg ikke forstår, fordi vi ikke ser os ofte, og vi taler ikke meget. Jeg har ingen anelse om, hvad der foregår med ham, han fortalte mig også, at han ikke kan vise mig følelser, fordi han ikke har nogen følelser. Jeg ville sætte pris på din hjælp, ville han kun have sex fra mig og var sød på grund af det, og nu da han sagde, at han ikke længere vil sove hos mig, og at han har brug for plads, vil han bare ikke have mig mere? han gav mig den bedste følelse nogensinde, jeg kan bare ikke tro, at han er så kold og uhøflig over for mig, da jeg var det eneste, han ville have, og nu .. jeg er den sidste, han vil se 23. februar 2016, 5 : 44 am michelle jeg sov med en fyr, jeg arbejder med, jeg elsker ham meget, men nu opfører han sig som om han ikke kender mig på arbejde og altid går ud med en anden kvinde ... vi havde sex a få gange… hvad sker der, jeg vil gerne danse ham, men jeg ved ikke hvad jeg skal sige eller gøre ... jeg rodede op med at sove med ham til hurtigt ... hvad skal jeg gøre 18. februar 2016, 17:57 lauren emerson sandsynligvis lære at stave korrekt - kommunikere intelligent - og ikke sove med en fyr så snart - eller slet ikke. du skulle have skrevet, “… jeg kan lide (ikke luke) -“ meget ”-“ han ikke ”(ikke ikke) -“ hvad skete der ”-“ for hurtigt ”-“ hvad skal jeg gøre? ” arbejde på dig selv —- og så finder du en fyr, der fortjener den person, du vil blive. 6. december 2016, 22:50 cali meget nyttigt websted 28. januar 2016, 13:26 becca kan jeg bare sige, at du er den mest jordnære, hjælpsomme, inspirerende 'spørg en fyr' -forfatter, jeg nogensinde er stødt på. Jeg har set youtube-videoer om mænd, der giver kvinder råd om dating, jeg har købt bøger og opsøgt venner. men langt fra inspirerer dit gode råd en kvindes egen selvtillid og indre lykke, der ikke kan komme fra en mand. til gengæld læser jeg fra dig, at en mand vil være interesseret i den kvalitet. tak for dine ord. dine artikler har givet mig så ting at tænke over og bringe ind i mit liv for at skabe et mere meningsfuldt liv for mig selv i stedet for en fyr. du er fantastisk! 22. januar 2016, 16:25 inkwell hmm problemet er, at nogle mænd kun vil være interesseret i den kvalitet (lykke / tillid) fordi de ønsker at erobre af dig. der er psykopater derude, og måske får Eric ikke det - jeg mener, børster vi noget under tæppet her? at mandlig seksualitet kan være rovdyr, og at når det tages lidt længere, så kan mænd gå utroligt langt for at gøre en seksuel erobring af en kvinde - rent af hensyn til deres ego? hvad der er behov for er den psykologiske forståelse af, hvordan den slags adfærd ser ud. et fling efter et par berusede aftendatoer er en ting, vi ved alle slags hvad det betyder, selvom kvinder ofte fortryder det, de forstår intet blev investeret eller lovet, og de ved at leve og lære af det. (eller måske bare nyd det, hvis de ikke har noget imod afslappet sex eller ikke ser fyren som et langsigtet forholdsmateriale. hvis det er et gensidigt scenario, så er det godt) problemet er mænd, der går efter virkelig langvarig forfølgelse udelukkende for en ego boost, når kvinden føler, at han bygger et forhold eller tillid osv., er også spørgsmålet, at mænd kan projicere udtryk som 'trængende' 'ustabil' 'psyko' på kvinder, der ønsker et forhold, fordi manden føler sig skyldig for at forfølge hende rent for sex, når han vidste hele tiden, at hun søgte noget dybere (fordi hun for eksempel sagde det i klare termer før sex) og forståeligt nok føler hun sig såret og vred, når hun indser de måneder med at sige, hvor meget hun betyder for ham, var alle løgne . skyld kan få os til at opføre os på skøre måder. kvinder bør ikke acceptere denne kappe eller mærke med 'trængende' osv., medmindre de virkelig kræver et forhold fra en person, der har vist nul reel interesse. Jeg har tætte ikke-seksuelle relationer med nogle mænd, og de har været klare over de rovdyr ved mandlig seksualitet. dvs. at en mand ofte vil føle en spænding ved magt, når en kvinde viser, at hun er følelsesmæssigt sårbar over for ham, selvom han ikke bryr sig om hende. mænd med samvittighed vandt ikke det ved at føre hende med, men masser vil. en mand fortalte mig, hvor seksuelt spændende han fandt det, da hans veninde var sårbar, fordi han havde været fjern med hende. måske har vi brug for mere ærlighed fra mænd, der ikke er så investerede i at virke vigtige eller seksuelt tiltrukket ?! eric har ret, selvom det at tilbageholde sex er meningsløst med hensyn til at opbygge en mands kærlighed, selvom det selvfølgelig er en god idé, hvis du endnu ikke føler dig følelsesmæssigt sikker med en mand eller faktisk seksuelt tiltrukket! 13. marts 2016, 17:35 eric charles hvilken procentdel af mænd tror du er psykopater / sociopater? 13. marts 2016, 19:47 eli vær venlig at hjælpe mig her. Jeg ved, at jeg muligvis er en høj vedligeholdelse ved at være enlig mor med børn og ikke særlig økonomisk stabil. Jeg diskvalificeres automatisk til at føle mig som en god fangst, men at spille det give ham plads-spil er halt. Jeg vil være mig selv. Jeg skrev min mening ovenfor, jeg tror, ​​de fleste mænd vil skrue en kvinde i bevidsthed om, at hun ikke er den ene, men alligevel lyve for hende. dette gør en hel del psykopater og usikker eller usikker type mand også eller dyr, der ikke kan kontrollere deres egne følelser over for en kvinde efter et par drinks. 23. marts 2016, 19:14 forvirret ok. Jeg er super forvirret. ikke sikker på, om han ikke giver noget lort, eller at hans adfærd er sund. 3 uger, 2 datoer. aldrig engang kysset eller holdt hænder. vi blev enige om, at vi ikke var ude efter sex, men den tredje, vi mødte, havde vi sex. alt flød perfekt. næste dag lavede jeg en kommentar, der projicerede mine tillidsproblemer. han udtrykte temmelig, hvor forstyrret det gjorde ham og ignorerede mine opkald og noget tekst. til sidst blev vi enige om at tage en uges pause. er dette sundt? Jeg føler mig helt brugt. Jeg kan ikke finde ud af, om han måske bare ville have sex og brugte mit tillidsproblem som en undskyldning for at løbe. det føles forfærdeligt at have haft en sådan forbindelse med ham for derefter ikke at have en normal samtale i flere dage nu. det stinker virkelig. er han for hård mod mig? eller har han ret for at opføre sig sådan. han har ikke engang sendt sms for at sige hej eller gnite. ikke noget. ugh. feedback tak. 6. januar 2016, 19:52 oragia så jeg mødte denne fyr tilbage i august efter 6 måneder, hvor jeg slog op med min drengeven på 12 år på det tidspunkt jeg ledte ikke efter nogen, men fyren virkede anderledes, så jeg fortsatte med at tale med ham fra tid til anden, og hver gang jeg talte med ham, syntes han at være meget interesseret i mig, der fik mig til at interessere ham, så efter et stykke tid ville have sex, så vi var ved at to gange første gang, jeg var klar, han var ikke, hvad han gjorde, var at kaste en bombe på mig for at sige, at han havde en veninde og var 22, han ville ikke gøre det, fordi hun læste vores tekst ok så jeg var uinteresseret på dette tidspunkt men ville stadig have det ok så tiden gik han begyndte også at række ud igen mig bare stadig lide ham jeg spiller hårdt for at komme igen så efter at jeg var færdig ville jeg bare ikke spilde mere tid med ham, så lidt tid forbi, han rakte ud igen, så jeg gik for at se ham, og vi havde sex i 5 min. jeg var ked af det, men så var jeg også for mig selv, det er bare hvad jeg får ... for at være dum så Jeg talte o ham to gange efter det, første gang var at sige, at jeg vil prøve igen, anden gang var at sørge for, at han alle var ombord, så dagen kom, jeg ringede og smsede hans telefon, ingen svar, så jeg efterlod en lang tekst til ham om hvordan han var noget lort, og han er en lille dreng senere, følte jeg mig dum og i stedet for at undskylde fortalte jeg ham glædelig jul, selvfølgelig svarede han ikke, men af ​​en eller anden grund vil jeg stadig have det, hvad skal jeg gøre december 31. 2015, 12:36 mari største fejltagelse, du lavede, var at forlade og følelsesladet tekst til med forventning om at have et svar. du sætter dig selv i denne situation. tage kontrol over dine tanker og tekster. spørg hvorfor sender jeg en sms til dette. Jeg er en pige, og hvis jeg fik en sådan tekst, ville jeg blokere og slette. Jeg har ikke tid til barnlige tekster. 30. april 2020, 11:17 jay hej, jeg har brug for rådgivning om denne fyr, han gør mig skør og jeg forstår ikke hvorfor .. lad mig bryde det nede .. vi mødtes på et show udvekslede sociale medier, vi talte her, og der var det intet før en nat vi begge begyndte at flirte, jeg gav ham mit nummer, han smsede mig med det samme .. vi smsede i over en måned hele dagen og natten flirtede sexted eller hvad ikke .. vi forsøgte at komme sammen begge vores tidsplan var hektisk .. vi talte om at vi begge ikke ville have noget bare for at have det sjovt. Jeg fortalte ham, at jeg ikke har haft sex i årevis, jeg fortalte ham grunden .. han sagde så hej, hvis du vil have en ven, der hænger ud, se film, jeg er din fyr, jeg sagde perfekt, det er det, jeg vil .. så alligevel kom endelig sammen han greb mig n kyssede mig n gik hjem jeg smsede ham n sagde jeg havde det sjovt han sagde mig også så hænger vi igen han kom forbi jeg kogte han rensede vi så film lavet så gik til et hockeyspil gik vi tilbage hjemme vi lavede ud n vi havde sex .. så kramede vi os lidt, så rejste han sig n begyndte at fortælle mig, at han ikke laver lejlighed sex ikke gør venner med fordele, han dybest set begyndte at trække regler .. som om han var bange eller noget jeg fortalte ham rh bange for at blive vedhæftet han er som nej jeg er bekymret for at du bliver vedhæftet så er han som godt stadig hænge ud, så vi lavede planer, så den dag kom, annullerede han mig .. vi smsede, men han ville give mig en ordsvar .. så sagde jeg til ham, at jeg vil tilslutte mig igen, han skriver til mig, n siger jeg kan godt lide dig som en ven, men jeg vil ikke fortsætte vores forhold romantisk gjorde du ikke noget galt bare et sted hvor j vil have en gf eller venner med fordele eller noget lignende .. han gik en blev ved med at sige, at vi strengt taget skulle være venner, så efter at jeg handlede som om vi var venner, ville han ignorere mig .. hvad fanden skete der? hvad ændrede sig? da det var romantisk? spillede vi hus? vi handlede som om vi var par, vi kærtegnede hinanden og lænet på ham, der kyssede min pande .. hvad kan jeg gøre? jeg kan virkelig godt lide ham, jeg vil ikke miste ham? cuz fra det tidspunkt, hvor vi begyndte at tale, var han virkelig ligeglad med sex, han sagde til mig, at han ville lære mig at kende .. han er en dejlig sød fyr .. han hjalp mig med at rense, han sad og så en film gjorde ikke noget han var en blid mand, han fortalte mig endda, hvis du ikke vil, behøver vi ikke have sex .. så blev han bange eller noget .. vær venlig at hjælpe 26. december 2015, 12:14 ana hvad skal vi så gøre? fordi jeg har læst i andre artikler, at fyre klassificerer os som en one night stand-pige, hvis vi har sex for tidligt. i mit tilfælde vil jeg ikke have sex, før jeg er sikker på, at fyren elsker mig, ikke fordi jeg bruger sex som et aktiv, men fordi jeg ville føle mig forfærdelig, hvis jeg havde sex med nogen, der bare ville have mig til sex og løj til mig. 14. december 2015, 03:04 vickie hej eric, hvorfor foreslår du altid piger at spille det sejt, når fyre trækker sig tilbage? fra et pigesynspunkt bliver vi meget knyttet og ønsker at blive trøstet forsikret, efter at vi har åbnet følelsesmæssigt op for en fyr. så det er naturligt for os at føle usikkerheden, når de trækker sig tilbage. sagen er, at vi ikke kan kontrollere angsten ved at være alene og handle køligt foran dem, når du alt sammen ønsker at kramme ham og føle hans varme omkring dig. Jeg mener, de behøver ikke engang at tale, men bare at tavshed er nok til tider, når de holdes tæt. hvorfor kan ikke fyre forholde sig til det? ved de ikke, at hendes pige føler sig udsat, og at hun skal beskyttes? 12. oktober 2015, 00:29 eric charles Jeg foreslår det, fordi det vil føre til det resultat, som kvinden faktisk ønsker. din usikkerhed er ikke andres problemer. dette er ikke et 'mænd forstår ikke' spørgsmål. dette er et ”du er nødt til at tage personligt ansvar for dine følelser”. Jeg mener ikke at lyde hårdt ... min stumphed er at gøre det klart her, så du kan få et stort kærlighedsliv. når du ikke søger en mand til at 'gøre dig glad' eller 'få dig til at føle dig tryg', så magnetiserer du folk til dig (i stedet for at afvise dem). ingen, mand eller kvinde, ønsker at bringe folk ind i deres liv, der føjer til deres levebyrde ... 12. oktober 2015, 00:48 maria faktisk er dette meget rigtigt. selvkærlighed, selvpleje. kærlighed, som vi søger fra en anden, skal være indeni er os. folk behandler os som vi tillader dem. hvis du ikke elsker dig selv, vil ingen. Jeg ønsker ikke at lyde ,, kender det hele ,, fordi jeg lærer den samme lektion som gå. tak for gode råd. 5. december 2015, 14:44 jen tak. det er bedre at høre den hårde sandhed. selvom det er smertefuldt. Jeg vil gerne være et aktiv og ikke en byrde. Jeg tror dog, jeg ville være et aktiv. ja, jeg kan bevæge mig med muligheder og er ligeglad, men jeg vil ikke have mange hak i min sengepost. ved hvad jeg mener? eric, lad mig vide dine tanker om dette. tak, jennifer 29. juli 2019, 14:01 geena ramte markeringen, da du sagde, at piger ikke skulle se på sex som deres eneste aktiv. vi lærer os at se os selv som en pris, der er værd at tjene, men mange kvinder internaliserer det som deres kroppe. Jeg havde en ven, der talte med denne fyr og på et eller andet tidspunkt ville han have sex med hende. hun fortalte ham, at hun absolut ikke ville have sex med ham, før de var i et eksklusivt forhold. hun gjorde stadig andre ting som at besøge ham hjemme hos ham og se film med ham. hun sov stadig i hans hus nogle gange. dette fortsatte i omkring et år, sagde hun. hun vidste, at han talte med andre kvinder og sov hos dem, men de var ikke eksklusive. hun fortsatte med at kræve, at hun ikke ville have sex med ham, før hun var hans kæreste. så en dag efter cirka et år bad han hende om at være hans kæreste. de havde sex som den næste dag. dagen efter at de havde sex ringede han til hende og sagde 'jeg ved ikke, om jeg vil være i et forhold, jeg er ikke klar'. svindlede han hende. hun blev kaldt mig grædende og fortvivlet. den næste dag fortalte han hende, at han stadig ville være sammen med hende, men ikke i et forhold. han endte med at strenge hende længe i 3 år uden nogensinde at komme tilbage i et eksklusivt forhold. køn var godt, og hun kunne virkelig godt lide ham, så hun blev. han viste sig at være den mest respektløse mand nogensinde, og han var også voldelig. han ville give hende klare grunde til, hvorfor hun ikke var god nok til at være hans kæreste, eller hvordan han ikke var klar, men hun lavede stadig mad, tøjede og havde sex med ham på college. hun havde tanken om, at tilbageholdelse af sex ville føre til, at han respekterede hende i det lange løb. hun glemte at tilbageholde alle de andre fordele, der følger med at have en kæreste. hun sendte signalet om, at alt det, der krævede for ham at få sex, sagde 'vær min kæreste' eller 'jeg elsker dig' 2. oktober 2015, 10:14 am molika omg this so me and what i'm facing right now i'm so shock every thing every thing is what happened wow september 7, 2015, 8:39 pm rina omg!!!i should have read your article long time ago.. really help me to control my emotion (indirectly)..tq tq and tq for your superb advice august 30, 2015, 3:15 am kate eric, does this apply to men in an affair, too? do you think men in an affair with a woman automatically loses respect for the woman and withdraws? i ask this here in your blog because i find you as an honest, respectful, and realistic man blogger. :) august 25, 2015, 8:03 pm eric charles thank you. honestly, if a guy is having an affair with a woman (as in he’s married or in a relationship but also having some relationships or sex outside of his marriage/relationship), i would be more likely to think his withdrawal would much more likely be caused by his own internal conflicts (fear of getting caught, guilt, shock that he’s actually cheating, sadness about his life situation, regret that he’s broken his vows, etc.) it could be any number of things, i just don’t think it’s about him not respecting the woman because she went along with being in an affair with him (if anything, the only one he may have lost respect for would be himself)… now on the flip side, if there was a woman that was in a relationship/marriage and she was the one who cheated (and then the guy withdrew after that)… i don’t know… i still don’t think it would be because he lost respect… it might be more about him not wanting to get mixed up into drama if her husband/boyfriend finds out. august 25, 2015, 8:24 pm kate thanks for that perspective, eric! more power to you. :) august 30, 2015, 3:17 pm heidi i’m in an affair like situation now. he withdraws every time (sex or just hanging out) but keeps inviting me back….i get so confused and feel like he regrets seeing me by the look on his face. september 25, 2015, 6:41 am eric charles when it comes to questions about affairs, you can safely assume that any weirdness from a guy is due to his own internal issues about breaking his integrity… just because a guy has an affair (or gets with a woman who’s married/in a relationship) doesn’t mean he’s not heavily internally conflicted about the whole thing… people do things they’re internally conflicted about all the time… a person who’s trying to lose weight ends up eating a pint of ice cream and then feels horrible about what they did… or someone who’s in a bad mood yells at their loved ones and then regrets it… we’re human… while we might take one action on the outside, we might be heavily conflicted inside. thing is, *you* can’t do anything about someone else’s internal conflict. let it be… give them space to be human… everyone (including you and me) needs to sort out their internal world… nobody can do it for someone else. so being that you can’t control it or resolve it for him… let it be and get good at accepting him for being human. it has nothing to do with you. september 25, 2015, 11:44 am angie thank you for this. i’m so glad i came across your blog. my situation is somewhat similar. i’m hoping to get your take on it. while my husband and i were recently separated, i started chatting on fb who is recently divorced. he cheated on his wife (i know, red flag, right?). i’ve known him for years since he was my next door neighbor and i always had a crush on him and felt like he did too. things became heated very quickly and he told me that he didn’t want to do anything with me because he already was dealing with a lot of guilt from his previous affair. he seemed to get very jealous and asked why my partners car was in my driveway, etc. we’ve sent erotic pictures to one another and sexted a few times. i went over to his place one night and he did not make any moves but he was checking me out big time. we were both waiting to see who would make the first move. he has asked me what i wanted from him and i told him just casual sex. almost 2 weeks ago, we set a date to hook up and went to his place. we didnt have a lot of time since i had to go and pick up my kids later that day. he jumped on me and we started making out and then brought me upstairs. he kept saying how this was a lot of pressure for him (he had told me he sometimes had problems getting it up). we quickly got naked and he kept repeating it was too much pressure. i asked him if i could do anything or if he wanted to stop. he kept saying how he warned me that this would happen and then turned me on my stomach and jerked off on my back. i reassured him that it was ok and that i’m a patient girl. after that, i started making out with him and kissed him goodbye and left. i even stroked his cheek ( i couldnt help myself since i’ve wanted this for so long). i later wrote him and he wrote back saying that often fantasies and reality is not the same thing. i replied “so thats it then? were you not attracted to me?” and he said “thats not what i meant”. and that was it. he hasnt responded to my messages asking to see him again (he hasnt even looked at them). he knows that i like him/have feelings for him. i’m heartbroken because i really do like him. i have a feeling that he is feeling guilt and humiliated. hvad skal jeg gøre? not talk to him anymore? i am so sad and confused. i’ve never done this before and i feel like i’m going crazy. thank you in advance for your help. july 3, 2017, 11:12 am dan are you a lesbian? the third date mandatory sex screams not is alright with person giving advice. yes we all fall into certain pitfalls, not everybody wants to cuddle after coupling, even with the perfect mate. a quote from my girlfriend ” we just spent 45 mins of quality time. go away.”. july 17, 2015, 6:05 pm liz no… you are just bad at reading and comprehenaion. eric is making fun of the idea of mandatory sex on date #3 as one of the many stupid ideas from the book, the rules. you just misunderstood. july 17, 2015, 8:10 pm taylor my boyfriend is in iraq he keeps asking me to send him something that will remind him of me and that smells like me. i have no idea what to send to him. any opinions? june 4, 2015, 6:28 pm v this really makes sense. tak! may 12, 2015, 2:15 pm jen thank you for your honest advice. i am feeling hurt but that’s the way it goes. truth hurts, but it is best. march 31, 2015, 11:29 am latifa said it hurts so much for same one you love the most but never mind i’m also in bad stuff june 25, 2016, 9:59 am kelly how come all your articles, you aren’t pointing out or discussing what to say and how to verbally deal with it?! i’m running circles around your advice, but you aren’t fully making it capable for us women to solve our issues. hm? giving examples and perhaps, stuff we can say during an unpredictable moment of having feelings, it would make sh*t so much easier to follow! i’m just saying…… march 27, 2015, 8:21 am anja eric, you helped me so much. because of you my life changed for the better. thank you so much, i really appreciate you <3 march 26, 2015, 3:23 pm eric charles glad to hear it, you’re welcome. march 26, 2015, 3:53 pm jane i am over 45 and back to dating. what i don’t agree with is the fact that when a man meet and starts dating a woman, the woman does not know his true intention. a lot of men only want sex and will treat the woman very nice for a few dates until they get sex and leave. how the woman acts, how pretty she is, what she has to offer has no bearing at all on the situation because the man already has his mind made up to play her for a fool and use hr for sex then dump her, pretty heartless. these men should go pickup a woman at a bar or a hooker and leave the good girls who want a real lasting relationship alone. there are many men on dating sites i would say 90% of the men do this. its like pretending to buy a car and acting interested when all you want is to drive it once and you have no intentions on buying it at al and you lie to the saleman. also tell me this, how would the man know about all the other wonderful traits this woman has that would endure her to him if he only goes on two dates that last 1 hour each? falling in love comes with trust and knowing a person for a minimum of 6 weeks, not 2 hours! its scientifically proven! my first husband we were friends for 6 weeks then fell in love….love does not happen in 2 hours….. november 12, 2015, 8:09 am jennifer i totally agree with you, why don’t these men just go to bars? or a sex hookup site. they prey on nice women on dating sites, it’s sick. it had happened to me before. january 6, 2016, 5:05 pm girlfedup exactly! my first love came back into my life asking me out and assuring me he was a gentlmen. we decided to leave the past behind. we were messaging for months. he even said he wanted go apologize for how he treated me in the past. we went to dinner and we ran into a n x girl of his he assured me he didnt bring me to a place to make her jealous. i believed him. we had sex, amazing sex, he acted like he was making love to me and insisted on being passionate…etc i even told him i dont know if it is a good idea and he said he aint into games. well when we woke he was very detached and on his cell the entire time. he ignored my text about having my favorite new bracelet at his house and when i posted on my facebook a statement about having clarity he hit like on it but he never answered my one text to his cell. a guy friend of mine says he played a game just to use me to make his x jealous and to get sex. i never had someone act like a gentlmen in privated messages for months and on a date, and be so passionate and aroused by sex with me then turn to ice a day later as if we just met. we were childhood sweet hearts so this is shocking. what do you got to say about this case? all this talk of women keeping legs closed is given men a pass in being so horny that they got to lie and meniuplate women to get sex. why dont u tell the men to be upfront and don’t mislead and play games. til real men start telling these men they wrong for doing it they will always say “she should of waited longer or made me wait” that is narcissist to put all the blame on the other person when u lied go them. april 10, 2017, 10:32 pm jen need some advise… i went out with this nice guy, we had 3 dates, last date end up having sex, which i don’t normally do, but because we had such a great connection, i decided to go with the flow.. i left his place without making any plans, thinking we’ll make plans later. the next day i haven’t hear from him all day, i waited until 7 pm and text him a quick “hello”, he text right back, without making any plans. a week has past by with him texting me once or twice each day, asking how are you and any plans for the weekend. so now i get it, he’s just not that into me, and i thought we had more connection then he did. my question is, why does he bother to text me at all? i want closure, so should i just text him and tell him “you don’t need to be polite and text me, i’m a big girl, sometimes things work out, sometime it doesn’t but we had fun while it lasted. i wish you all the best.” ? march 21, 2015, 8:08 am s anon your choice, but i’d be insulted after i just gave myself to that man, but hey i like your take in life. it’s very casual… did you at least use a condom or get the plan b pill? you know it only takes once… august 15, 2015, 12:44 am jane he only wanted sex, you did nothing wrong. i had a man just do the same thing to me. i am still hurting over it its been 6 weeks now. these men are hurting nice girls they should pick up a girl on the street or go to a bar… november 12, 2015, 8:15 am mackenzie i am in desperate need of advice. i am divorced for three years. and i just started to date recently. even though i’m a grown woman i find dating to be both fun and disappointing. i met someone online and we went on three really fun dates. the 4th date was a lot of fun as well. i cooked this man dinner and he stayed over my house. he has been a gentleman, complementary, opens the car door for me when were out an all-around nice guy. neither one of us are dating other people. so after our fourth date he has gotten very distant. i have done so much reading prior to me even dating this man that i know that pulling away is an uncommon. i’ve given him his space, haven’t asked to many questions, welcome his phone calls etc. a week after our last date was valentine’s day and we had texted early in the morning. i said happy valentines day to him, and he texted back ,same to you !!!even though i was a little taken back by it i went with it and didn’t make a big deal out of it. we both have very full lives we both have children. and he’s had a lot of things to deal with last month or so. so finally after three weeks of this going on with him being distant i sent him a text. and all i said was maybe we have reached across road, maybe he feels like we’re not a good match after all and i said i understand that i can’t force him to have feelings for me. he texted back and said he has a lot going on. his daughter wasn’t feeling good that day and i said i understand that he has a lot going on and that i will be here if you ever needed anything. he still texts me here and there but it’s very platonic. i do notunderstand what happened to us. i can honestly say that i am devastated. i didn’t see any sign of anything wrong the morning he left my house. i am trying my hardest to believe he didn’t just want sex. although something inside of me is telling me that’s really what he wanted. the feeling of rejection is so painful especially of her going through a divorce. so, how do i take it from here? i am trying to not take his personal, but it’s very difficult. any advice mean the world to me. february 28, 2015, 5:30 pm mari it’s very difficult but just follow his actions. he’s not interested in anything more and keeps you still incase he wants more again. it takes time to really know someone. kom videre. stop contact from him. accept it. i’ve been there and been played. never again. don’t fall for his excuse of why he’s been distant. believe me, you will find someone that makes time for you no matter if his life is falling apart. and do you really want someone who acts like this after sex? he’s showing you his true colors. april 30, 2020, 11:27 am cupcake this webpage is bullsh*t!!! this man eric blames women for anything bad a man did to them, no matter how bad. get a brain and stop listening to this sexist. february 22, 2015, 1:27 pm eric charles cupcake / adela — you made 3 posts last night (saturday night) and 4 more this morning… listen: i’m sympathetic to anyone who’s upset… to a point. you’re coming in here and spitting venom and foul language without provocation. i don’t know who hurt you or what painful memories you’re hanging onto and viewing the world through… but i’m not responsible for any of that. keep yourself in check. now, my guess is that you’re not going to read a word i typed anyway, so i’m really writing this for the benefit of anyone else that might think that anything i’ve ever written is sexist or excuses men of responsibility… here’s a few facts: – it takes two to tango: if you’re in a relationship, you’re *participating* in a relationship. you don’t have a gun to your head. you have a choice — there might be other factors that make it a difficult choice, but it’s still a choice. – so if you’re *choosing* to be in a relationship, then you have a share of the responsibility for how it turns out. what part of the responsibility? the part that you have control over: your emotions, your perspectives, your attitudes, your reactions/responses, your mood, etc. that’s your responsibility. – equally important: he is responsible for his emotions, perspectives, attitudes, reactions/responses, moods, etc. you can’t control that, so there’s no use in me talking as if you have control over any of the stuff he’s responsible for. – moreover, it would be even more useless to place blame or shame on him. i’m not saying that you deserve bad treatment (if he’s treating you bad) or to just accept whatever he gives you (if he’s incapable of giving you what you want). i’m saying that blaming and shaming is useless because it doesn’t produce any positive result (it will drive him away… so that’s a result… but not a positive one). oh, and that reminds me of the first thing i said: you’re choosing to be in the relationship with him every day that you are in it. – so being that you’re choosing to be there… and you’re only responsible for what you can control… and you can’t control him… *and* you want to have the best, most loving, most committed, most awesome relationship possible… why would i write about anything other than how to make effective choices that will get you the result you want? why would i write about anything else if my interest is to help women get great results? – there is nothing sexist about that. i don’t place blame on men or women… i place *focus* on what will lead to get effective results. you don’t think that when i’m instructing men i don’t tell them the very same thing — that they need to take control over what they are responsible for and do the best they can to get the effective results they want? if you want to spout off angry messages about how you hate men, how men are scum, how you’re giving up on relationships, how women are victims, etc. then go for it… but not here. this website is for women who want to have great relationships with men. february 22, 2015, 2:04 pm cupcake let me sum up your article for you and for the poor desperate humiliated women that read this web-site : if you would have been more arttractive he would have not had to lie to get sex. you are teaching women it is ok for men to take advantage of them. you could have chosen to teach her to try and find someone decent but you didn’t yea you are a sexist.. february 24, 2015, 6:28 am eric charles thanks for your opinion. held og lykke. february 24, 2015, 1:22 pm cupcake to tie it up: your frequency of texting doesn’t matter if you’re truly not needy. and if you are needy, he’ll pick up on it sooner or later – no amount of texting rules will hide it. – i am sorry but that is bullsh*t, especially if the guy does not text for a week… it shows he is not interested!!! this things mean something. february 21, 2015, 8:07 pm eric charles you’re talking about something completely different than what i’m saying in this article. i’m talking about the quality of connection being what’s important (instead of obsessing over how often she should text, when to text, whether or not to text, etc.) your example would indicate he doesn’t care all that much (if at all)… but it has nothing to do with what i was saying in the context of the article or even the snippet you pasted in. february 21, 2015, 8:24 pm chloe hi, i find your website really useful and helping me understand love and relationship better. i’m currently facing a relationship issue and would like to seek your advice if i may. i have a boyfriend for nearly 3 years now. around 6 mths we are together, i found him contacting his ex who calls him “bunny”. she calls him “bunny” when they dated in the past. i reacted and showed all my emotions and did not catch them contacting untill recently, i saw the message and his ex ended with an emoticon “kiss” face. i showed my emotions again. the next day i calmed down and asked him for a talk. when we talked i asked questions like if he would be back with his ex. he replied that he don’t know and changed his answer to a “no” immediately. i asked the question again and he said “nobody can predict the future”. he also admitted being in contact with his ex and found nothing wrong with her calling him “bunny” or giving the emoticon “kiss” face as he claims they’re just normal friends. he also said nothing can break their friendship apart and said this is something i have to live with it. he wanted to take a break to think through things as he said he is confused and asked me not to ask him any questions. i’m not sure if this means our relationship would end? or he still likes his ex? and if i should be “living with it” that he is in contact with his ex though my heart can’t pass this test to see him contacting his ex, especially without me in the know. i have the urge to contact him and i am not sure if i should during this take a break period? what do you see from this whole situation and what do you advice me to do? i’m fighting with my urge and been thinking about what’s happening all these while. he texted me before for his hometown and texted when he landed. that’s about it and we didn’t message anymore. it’s the second day now. february 20, 2015, 3:22 am minnie i have been dating a guy for 2 years and 4 months. for the first year we never had sex. but after that we did for about one year. he showed so much love to me i felt so loved until one day i found out he had anpther lover. then after that he left her and we talked about it and it all ended.after which we got back together and so happy. but one day out of nowhere after i had visited himand we had such fun i knew everything was okay. he sent me a text “lets break up okay!” i was shocked so i called him but he didnt respond.after which he just went. it really hurt me. someone i loved so much. then one day he calls to tell me he is broke and he wants us to talk. of which we talk then after one week again he dumps me. am so hurt and i really feel like i want to really hate him with my all. february 4, 2015, 10:00 pm eu if a guy is feeling that she wants a relationship and he pulls her away it is because he doesn’t want a relationship. what does it mean? that guy is not for you because you don`t want the same. i mean, if he was treating like you are special and he says he really likes you, i think he’s faking it when he doesn’t want a special girl in his life but plenty of them in his bed. it¡s not a woman’s fault that there are men who fake in order to get what they want. there are some who know that it’s easier to score women by being dishonest or unclear, letting her think that he wouldn’t mind to have a committed relationship but once he got what he wanted he withdraws. it doesn’t matter you act needy or not, he just simply doesn’t care anymore. thing is it’s really difficult to tell if he’s being that nice and sweet and open with you because he really likes you or because he just wants sex. i don’t mind he just wants sex but then he should be more clear about that aspect because it can hurt badly the other person and i want to have the option to decide if that’s what i want too or not. (they can even open their hearts at first and then change their minds completely after it). february 3, 2015, 1:18 pm v i completely agree with what you are saying. sometimes it feels like once we give it up to them, we lose any and all control and have to wait and see if they text or call us.. and to be honest with you, at some point they probably will because they still want something from us. i think if it’s clear he does want a relationship he will just treat you better generally. but the signs are not always clear or we always hold out hope :) i recently have been hanging out with a guy who has been trying to hook up with me. i didn’t. then he told me on the phone one night “i just want you to know that if we ever did have sex, that i wouldn’t have sex with other girls” even that itself can be confusing.. then he said “part of me feels bad because i do really respect you and think you’re a good person” ok so it’s clear then that you’re not looking for anything more than a hook up? and he says “no i def am” bull****.. i finally kissed him and did some other things (no sex) and we barely talk anymore.. it makes me feel like i’m the one that made a mistake.. but we women have rights too and just because we choose to finally give in to you and also what we like, we shouldn’t just be at your wim or disposal.. :) august 23, 2015, 10:44 pm karli sometimes men are just jerks. i met a guy. he called, he texted, and seemed to really like me. when we went out, he was a perfect gentleman. he opened the car and restaurant doors for me, he offered me his jacket when it got cold, he even held my hand as we walked. he told me all this stuff about how his goal was to make me laugh and how he wanted to be with me and every other sweet, yet very realistic, thing a man could say. then we had sex. then the next day, nothing. then the next day, nothing. so i casually reached out to him. nothing. and there’s been nothing ever since. so he’s a jerk. or dead. but i hope he’s just a jerk. it could have been the sex, but i whipped out my best moves for this guy, and i’ve never had complaints before. meh. for better or for worse, at least i got a decent lay and a few weeks of romance out of it. january 12, 2015, 4:34 pm kelly it’s totally not your fault.. i think like we all say above, men are faking it because they don’t want us per say, they just want something from us.. and they make it impossible sometimes to know what they really want.. i agree honesty is the best policy… you should at least have the balls to tell someone how you feel afterwards.. he totally gave you the impression that he liked you and then was a complete jerk.. so screw him and i’m with ya girlie :-) august 23, 2015, 10:48 pm pup ah! i could so relate to this..just that the guy whom i slept with did not completely cut me off..but jus texts occasionally in a cold way..may be keeping me as a back up if he wants more sex later…the sad part is i actually kinda liked this guy..huff.. september 27, 2015, 10:54 am jenn i’ve been dating a man for almost 2 years now he lives 30 miles away when we get together we have the greatest time we are in the thirties and when we get together we act and feel like teenager he tells me how beautiful i am how much she loves my body how much he’s in love with me but has only spent the night with me once! says he really can’t spend the night because he has a teenage son at homehe says he doesn’t like to leave his son home alone overnight he cant spend holidays with me because of his son who is 17 years oldhe has his own company and works a loti’m a working mother myself full time with two girls i have met his son only twice, i have never been to his house but always comes to mine, he never has his phone on him when i see him and if he does it’s always face down, says he put his phone on silent adding north it so he can enjoyed our time together, he doesn’t want his son home alone but will ignore his calls and texts!? he says i can’t go to his house because his ex and mother in law live on the first floor but have been separated for 5 years, wont call me while in the home, when i asked him about getting our kids together he says his a momma’s boy and doesn’t wait to shove me in his face cause me showing him affection upset his son, my boyfriend says he wants a future with me it doesn’t have me interact with his son at all, am i being played? ?? january 10, 2015, 8:59 am nonkululeko i just wanna know whats the different between having sex and making love december 1, 2014, 2:23 pm smh men honestly make me sick. if you only want sex, get a prostitute or even better, jerk off. f.cking nasty predators. i hope that “perfect goddess on earth” gives them aids. d.ck monsters. i’m sick of “men”. why cant they have sexual morals? why do they rape physically and emotionally? november 8, 2014, 4:48 pm lol lol who hurt you? december 21, 2014, 10:18 am sue anon nothing funny about that lol. she is hurt how dare you! august 15, 2015, 12:46 am cupcake because they can dear :) . men are just just lying pig shit . they take advantage of a dozen women then they maybe think about settling down with one. february 21, 2015, 8:10 pm eric charles listen… i can understand being upset… but holding hostile attitudes towards men is only going to lead to further pain… for your own good, ask yourself this question, “if a man wrote that women made him sick… that he hopes that she gets an std… that he’s sick of women and that women are all evil abusers… would you want anything to do with that guy?” and no… i don’t want to hear some justification why this somehow doesn’t apply to you because you’re a woman and women are the victims and men are evil, blah blah blah… just answer the question… would you want to be anywhere near a guy like that? any woman would say, “absolutely not.” and same goes for a woman that has hostile, hateful or angry feelings towards men… the good guys will stay as far from you as possible and the bad guys won’t care about your negative attitude because they wouldn’t care regardless of what your feelings are… in fact, they might even find it funny and toy with you… which would further perpetuate your anger/bitterness/hate, etc. again, i understand being angry… but i’m trying to show you that if you can let go of all that and just find happiness in your own life… you will cut a very toxic cycle. i’m not even saying get into a relationship or be happy with a man… i’m simply saying dump the negativity so you can create an opening for goodness to come into your life. end of my psa. february 21, 2015, 8:32 pm cupcake xd women are gonna find out soon that you are such bullsh*t. the only reason why women end up in this kind of situation is because men were lying and deceitful in the 1st place :) , trying to get a woman to have sex and than ignore her, nevermind the i love yous, the respect and whatever. the beautiful part is that all men blame women for this :d :d!!! than go and lie some more! the world is beginning to notice exactly what you pieces of sh*tt are and soon you will have to pay for sex :d, there is no doubt in my mind xd, maybe you will even believe that we love you february 22, 2015, 1:10 pm eric charles why are you here then? read your comment… did you have any reason for posting that other than to pick a fight and spew your bitterness, anger and negative energy into this page? wake up… you’re drinking poison (metaphorically) and you don’t even realize you’re addicted to it… you’re trying to rile up other angry women to agree with you or other people who disagree with you to fight with you… why? what is it inside you that’s compelling you to feed off of negativity? i’m telling you… and i’m seriously doing my best to be compassionate here… do yourself a favor and cut the cycle… you might not realize how much feeding into negativity drives people away… it seeps into your pores and becomes like an aura around you that repels people… and for what? i don’t believe you want that — i have to imagine that deep down… if you’re really honest with yourself… if you really think about it… you’d really like to be loved, accepted, wanted, desired, etc. everyone does. the hostility is driving people away and keeping you from even having an opening for that… drop the unconscious compulsion to pick fights and stir up negativity… it’s only hurting you and blocking your happiness. held og lykke. february 22, 2015, 2:13 pm jme cupcake, i must agree with what this author is saying regarding having negative viewpoints about men. you will only attract the shady ones, as healthy men can sense it and will run away. have you ever heard of the confirmation bias? it’s natural for people to seek out information that confirms what they already believe in while ignoring information that goes against one’s beliefs, even if contrary evidence is strong. have you ever challenged your beliefs? have you ever asked yourself what you’re doing to attract unhealthy people into your life? after all, the common denominator in all your relationships is you. until you take the time to examine patterns within your relationships and work on yourself, you’ll continue to attract unhealthy people. i was once in a very abusive relationship. the man i was with was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. he had strong, negative, beliefs about women. despite being faithful and trying to love this man, he was too damaged inside to accept love from another person. i quit school due to his extreme jealousy and constant accusations when i should have quit him. it took three years before i was strong enough to leave him, despite the repeated abuse… it was his negative beliefs about women that destroyed the relationship ultimately. no matter what i said or did, it didn’t matter. he didn’t believe he was good enough to be loved by someone. despite it all, i feel sorry for him because he can’t change and he’ll continue creating his own unhappiness. after leaving him, i spent many months blaming him for everything that he did to me and feeling sorry for myself. it took some time, but i finally had to accept some of the responsibility instead of remaining the victim… the only reason he treated me the way he did was because i allowed him to. we teach people how to treat us, which is one of the most valuable things i’ve learned in life. it took a year of inner work, but it was the best thing i’ve ever done. i learned how to quit repeating negative relationship patterns. most importantly, i learned to love myself first. now, i’m in a happy relationship and graduated with my ba in psychology last december. i hope that you can find some inner healing cupcake, my heart goes out to you. march 5, 2015, 7:57 pm sue anon i don’t hate all men but men should not use women or lead them on and hopefully women will see that instead of being desparate and open their legs for the so called jerk. august 15, 2015, 12:49 am becca i have to say my guy has been upfront with me no strings attached . i don’t listen. he knows i have feelings . he is my best friend and i ended up and still am his rebound girl. no feelings . was with him last night were together it’s the best it’s the afterwards . i told him that i hate the feeling being used. you can’t blame all men us women don’t listen. my heart is caught . i was in a 20 year marriage not even 40 yet was a teen mom and for the first time i fell in love . when you 15 you just don’t know. i feel it now and heartbroken he’s tried i tried because we’re friends and i can’t go back to being friends i’m screwed.it’s us women get caught up in the fairy tales.best of luck to everyone i don’t have advice if i can’t solve mine. september 29, 2015, 11:32 pm je9 oh, it’s her fault that her male friend was rude, inconsiderate, and uncaring. he didn’t call because he got all that he was after and is a rude and selfish person. period. don’t put it on her. it’s his deficiency as a human being that led him to behave in the way he did. november 4, 2014, 2:04 pm des sounds like somebody’s projector’s running. your anger at whoever blew you off after you slept with them is showing. far too many women place far, far too much focus on getting into a relationship with someone before they bother ever knowing who someone even is. and 99.9999% of the human race seems to have little to zero grasp that a relationship isn’t a ‘thing’ you can have, hold, or possess; it’s not a security blanket or a vehicle you get “in” and ride forever after. a relationship by definition is an ongoing dynamic series of interaction with a person/thing. it’s a state of behavior so you have a relationship established by your second interaction. the relationship is the state of your interactions between one another…and if that sucks, the problem lies with you. you and only you are accountable for the quality of your relationships – the quality of your interactions with other people. your relationship begins when you meet. ahh, poor masters of the universe…still can’t seem to figure out how people work. november 6, 2014, 10:44 am truth_will_out while i agree that too many people–not just women–jump into relationships with partners they barely know, the op *didn’t* just meet the guy in question. she said they knew each other for awhile before they started dating and had been dating for a month. “a relationship by definition is an ongoing dynamic series of interaction with a person/thing”? lol. thank you, professor des. this is not an undergraduate communications course. however, if you’ve really taken one, you should know that, by definition, the fact that the relationship is a state of *interactions* means that there are two people involved, either of whom (or both) could be at fault if things go sour. your sentence *should* read: “the relationship is the state of your interactions between one another…and if that sucks, the problem lies with you or the other person or both of you.” you are far too presumptuous in assuming where the breakdown was between these two people you know nothing about. november 6, 2014, 8:24 pm cupcake yea, well you can get to know him if he is lying and deceitful ? i don’t think so . february 22, 2015, 1:41 pm jyotish das i love a girl..but she don’t love me because some years ago a guy had sex with her and left her…she totally broked. please tell me how can i admit her that my love is not for sex..please help me.please october 14, 2014, 6:50 am sue anon stick around and hang out/ go out with her on dates and be a gentleman. respect her. make her feel comfortable. don’t have sex with her if she isn’t in the mood/into it. it’s all very simple, don’t make it so complicated. care for her, i mean really care for her as in support her goals and her dreams. be nice and don’t be mean. be there for her when she needs you. things like that really.. august 15, 2015, 12:53 am olive this was the most useful information i’ve ever read october 9, 2014, 12:44 pm smh the guy i was interested in went m.i.a (missing in action) right after we had sex, and that was about 2 weeks ago. however, (2 days after we had sex) i contacted him. i sent him one text… (on 2 different days), but he didn’t back so i deleted his number. several days later, i decided to message him online. and yes, he responded; according to him, he was training (he’s a soldier) so that’s why he hasn’t contacted me. then, he says, “i’d really like to see you again.” and also asked me, “do you still have my number?”, which i replied, “no… i reset my phone so i lost a lot of contacts.” (smh, don’t judge me. i know i lied, but i didn’t know what else to say). after several hours later, he still hadn’t replied back, so i sent another message, saying, “just let me know when you would like to meet again.” and left it at that. after that, he went cold. he hasn’t said anything to me. so friday, i asked him, “if he even had my number too?” he didn’t respond, so i have backed off… completely! i haven’t contacted him in 4 days. also, lol, i notice that the other day when i logged on, he quickly logged off as if he’s avoiding me. i rarely contacted him; i’ve only initiated contact 4 times in the last 2 weeks. and i haven’t message him since. therefore, i don’t know how that’s considered clingy, needy, or desperate. but i guess… it just sucks. october 7, 2014, 5:47 pm smh update: he texted me last week. i didn’t recognize the number because i deleted it. however, i haven’t heard from him since then. so i’m just keeping myself busy and talking to other guys. if he’s interested, he’ll contact me. october 16, 2014, 12:55 pm ale what happened then ?! december 9, 2014, 11:02 am sue anon forget him. if he was really interested, he wouldn’t have left you hanging that much. seriously, what’s so hard about picking up a phone and dialing your number? jesus! also, trust your gut instinct, if you think he is trying to avoid you , then why would you want to be in a relationship with someone like that? that’s really immature. have some self respect and confront him what’s up, otherwise, just move on. no sense if vying for someone who doesn’t want you or is half assed (got one foot out the door). august 15, 2015, 1:00 am mari omg. so clingy and needy, if he didn’t contact you after sex, that is a jerk. any guy with manners should contact you after sex even if they don’t want more unless it was a bar night hook up. i get it – you made the contact b/c you wanted to see what was wrong. he didn’t respond. then you went to social media. omg. you’re like a stalker. lol . bottom line is: he made it clear and follow his actions. why are you chasing him. you finally backed off. godt. and he’s probably happy too. it sucks. but you would of been over him earlier if you didn’t keep contacting him and having expectation of him reaching out again. april 30, 2020, 11:36 am debbie my boyfriend loves to have sex and would love it everyday if he could, but i have just lost interest, mainly because my boyfriend only thinks of his own needs and doesn’t try to turn me on what so ever and that gets so frustrating. i have tried many times telling him that i cannot just get in the mood when he does nothing at all to try to get me in the mood. i feel that a lot of women love to be treated like a queen and if he would just put some effort into it, but he doesn’t and i do believe he is very selfish and only thinks of his own needs! i feel that he doesn’t find me beautiful and i don’t even feel that way about myself and that’s why he won’t do anything to try to get me in the mood. he just comes up to me when sometimes i’m just laying in bed and he just comes up to me and says, “do you want some? “and that is pretty much what our sex life is, so what is this saying to me? has he lost complete interest in me? do i just not turn him on so i am just there (for only him to have a piece of ass? i don’t know how to take this or what my boyfriend even wants from me. does he want to end our relationship and wants another girl? (my boyfriend in the past has cheated on me and his other relationships as well.) can someone please give me some advise? thank you. august 8, 2014, 8:07 pm des he appears to be quite selfish and your question boils down to is it you or is it him? in actuality, in spite of your attempts to express your feelings to him he continues to ignore it. if you’ve attempted to guide him toward your pleasure and he still ignores it, the problem is with him: he’s sexually immature and selfish, inexperienced and has no desire to improve himself, or he sees you as nothing more than a service station. you’re there to pump his ego and get him off, then he’s done. you didn’t mention whether this behavior carries over into other areas but i suspect it does. here’s th e bottom line: this is your quality of life. you don’t get to change him. he’ll change when he’s been rejected enough or challenged enough that he realizes he has a problem with being a selfish jerk in bed. you cannot change him and nothing you say or do is going to change him. your choice is to stay with this guy and accept this is how he is, who he is, and enjoy a lacking in quality sex life, or break things off and raise your own bar. you’re allowing this treatment by sticking around. he clearly does not love you in any respect. he doesn’t appear to even respect you that much if you’re a service station for his ego and he’s getting sex elsewhere. there are over 7 billion people on this planet. your world won’t end if you kick this one to the curb and look for better options. just know that if you stick around knowing he doesn’t actually love you and doesn’t actually respect you, then you deserve what you get from here :) august 9, 2014, 12:25 am karen i don’t understand how you can be open like this and not be worried about std s and hiv, how do you not worry if the guys messing with others? june 24, 2014, 1:59 am s anon great question. get your man tested before engaging. it’s not that bad. i don’t know about others but if he cares or doesn’t care, then that’s on him. get to know him and maybe use a condom if possible. prevents pregnnacy too. if he likes you, i don’t think that’s too much demand. it’s your health right and you care about your health right? so just don’t engage and stick to outercourse or things that will not lead to sex (like holding hands, hugging, kissing on the cheeks/closed mouth kssing). get to know the guy. ask questions. you will not regret august 15, 2015, 1:05 am kim can anybody please tell me your thoughts on this because it really is frustrating me! i work in the same place with this extremely good looking guy he is 33 he has a son and i am 20 he is very sweet,nice, friendly,we laugh a lot, always makes eye contact when we talk and initiates the conversation with me,he never fails to stop by to talk to me even if its a for a little and he compliments me sometimes…later on he smiles while i talk to him and he grabs my chin really soft…he has always told me that he respects me so much and if he ever needed anything or even talk i could always go to him not to be scared he will always be there for me..,so i had a bf and we broke up i was sad and turned to him and he said he appreciated a lot that i trust him and he will help me in any way he can to help me feel better…so he would invite me to lunch to give me advice etc and he would pay he would come pick me up and take me back he was super sweet! he told me he wanted to go to the beach at night just to walk together etc well he then invited me to his house to watch movies and i said yes :( so one thing lead to he other and we ended up having sex ..now even in bed he was so sweeeet he even would kiss my head and forehead and hug me very tight he told me he had always liked me but he wouldnt tell me because he thought i was happy with my ex and told me he wants me and i was the one for him and keep laughing with me and being super cute all the time…he would send me pictures on the phone of things he saw that would remind him of me and buy me some desserts…so everything seemed like he really liked me! well we had sex again at his house and after that he only texted one time saying he wanted to go to the beach with me and his family after that he didn’t text me or call me anymore… he would text me every morning too… i haven’t texted him or called him at all because i don’t want to be clingy or bother him, i play it cool like it doe sn’t bother me…i feel like he pulled back because the ceased everything now he just says hi laughs with me about whatever and that’s it just at work…he is distant now and i feel like i was used for sex i did a mistake to do it to fast with him…he knows he is the second guy i have sex with too…i really fell for him but i’m trying to ignore him and just talk when he talks to me (always done that) i am not bad looking at all..i could say more than half the guys at work want to be with me but i ignore everyone i dont even flirt i’m just very nice and everyone tells me i am very innocent and they like that about me a lot..this guy told me everyone from his dept wishes for my attention and other guys as well i know its true lol i’m not cocky and i dont come off as a bit*h who thinks she’s all that… im probably the nicest person at work! …could it be he never cared and all he wanted was sex? he is not married also and he is not he type of guy to ell everyone what happened between us i can assure you that. i really miss him and want a relationship with him:( i feel so stupid for having sex w him cause after that he changed…he still is very nice but thats it..what are your thoughts??? i decided to tell him when i see him that i don’t want to have sex anymore…i’m not that kind of person to have sex too soon with someone i’m not in a relationship with and keep playing it cool…i’m not gonna chase him also…do u think he will want me? see that i’m different from other girls…idk maybe he will want to get my attention back ? inside i’m very sad… june 8, 2014, 11:21 am des what exactly are you bringing to the table? you basically said he’s bent over backwards to be with you and text you all the time and you didn’t text him because you don’t want to appear clingy? seriously? participating in the relationship is the only way it’ll move. you’re trying too hard to keep from being seen as clingy to the point he’s the only one in the relationship. the last thing you are is cli ngy. and he’s probably figuring out you’re not bringing anything to the table, he’s doing all the work, you act like a coy introverted nice girl and not giving anything back. he probably thinks he’s giving more than you are and is pulling back and pretty soon he will feel hurt and frustrated that you turned out to be a complete waste of time. if you don’t want to see him wave to you from a distance you better step up and start actually participating, putting in something, giving back…which isn’t chasing him, it’s being in the relationship. you want him to do everything and when he gets tired of it, you can’t understand the problem. that’s your problem. it’s one sided and he’ll get fed up and go find someone who shows she wants to be with him, hang out with him, hook up with him, likes his company, and is an active participant. august 9, 2014, 12:35 am annette i think eric has not actually answered her question. she seems confused as to the right time to communicate with the guy after he’s withdrawn after sex. i find it strange that a guy should withdraw after sex as it usually makes the couple feel closer. withdrawal may be a psychological sign: guilt – he may feel guilty afterwards because of a situation he has not told her about or because he is wronging someone else; or it could be plain selfishness – i got what i want and now i need to focus on other things in my life. then we he needs a ‘refill’ he’ll return and withdraw again. i think when a guy acts in this manner, it means that there is something wrong in the relationship and therefore the girl should reconsider this relationship if she would like it to be more than a sexual relationship – it probably will not be. if she is happy to have him as a sex buddy, then it’s ok. this has nothing to do about the ‘space’ one gives a guy after he withdraws after he’s had sex. no woman should put up with this unless it is what she wants (i doubt how many women really want or accept this behaviour). june 2, 2014, 2:58 am nicole this is the first site that i’ve come across that makes sense and is very helpful. keep up the good work. thank you so much to the both of you! may 8, 2014, 6:55 pm jodie i have a little issue with this article. eric said “when i talk about giving a guy space, i’m talking about giving him psychological space. a lot of other dating advice writers like to talk about waiting x number of days or holding out to make him text/call you first. the fact is – if you’re needy and obsessing over him and your relationship with him, he’ll still feel it… even if you’re not calling or texting during that time. he’ll know – guys have a very good sense of it”. the lady’s problem is asking ways in how to communicate with him that doesn’t sound needy. she doesn’t sound desperate and needy at all in her questions. she has stated that she has given him space, no texts no calls and emails etc. but eric’s advice above states if. what about how to communicate with him so that he doesn’t withdraw? what about communicating with him that will make him change for both their sake in the relationship without acting needy. what does he mean by acting needy and desperate? i mean just because a woman talks about her relationship with her boyfriend, it doesn’t mean she’s needy and desperate, it just means she wants him to be a keeper and step up and be a mature man. if not, that’s tough for him. i don’t think you should blame her for being childish because every woman has different experience with a guy and every guy will act differently towards a woman. all she has to do is talk “it seems like we have a good time together but i just want us to slow down on the sex right now because i like it when we’re like this without the sex at the moment, how do you feel about that?”. this is what eric needs to point out in his article. he also assumes she’s going to act needy because she’s the woman “if he’s picking up neediness, from you then the damage was already done. contacting won’t change it.” – not all women are needy and not all women will push a guy to be with them if they don’t want to – women can also be strong-willed too. every guy is different, could he be one of the minority of men who will change regardless of whether she contacts him? all they have to do is make the relationship work without sex. he will have to change his behavior for her once she communicates what she wants. so if a man won’t change for you why should you change for him. do you think that by no calls, texts, e-mails etc. will make a man stay with you? you’re basically changing your behavior for the guy. don’t! keep in contact with him like you do otherwise and lessen the sex so both of you change for both your relationship’s sake. men should also change and respect her wishes if he really really cares for her to withhold sex for awhile. no texts, no e-mails and more ignoring is going to ever work if there’s no communication. what if the woman in writing did everything in her power to make him stay, but he still withdraws? telling women to stop being obsessive and needy is unfair. what if the woman did everything in her power to make him stay and he still didn’t act on it, what if she made the changes their men have requested from them with a positive attitude and received no help back from their partner or their partner has refused to work on his end of things? suggesting that women should just give up if they have a positive attitude and their man doesn’t change just perpetuates and kind of pardons that behavior in a guy (this isn’t to say i advocate staying in a relationship where your partner does nothing for you despite your best efforts). he doesn’t really give any real suggestions to improve communication between partners (regardless of sex) so that maybe the offending partner doesn’t view a request for change as a personal attack. he only suggests be positive and if that doesn’t fix everything, oh well, just forget it. march 31, 2014, 3:12 pm bld sorry, i dislike most of eric charles’advice because it always tells the woman what she is doing wrong… the right man will like you flaws and all… and if you can find a single man in today’s society who is not a egocentric dolt or narcissist stuck in cave man days, god bless you! the only way women will dig their way out of our male centered society and is to not succumb to their power trips and so called advice that is meant to keep you in your place… do you what you want ladies! and don’t try to let any man tell you you are wrong for being who you are! october 31, 2012, 2:58 pm stacey agreed overall, but if you’ve read through some of these questions, you’ll see that women are going about things all wrong, assigning some sort of intrinsic value to their vaginas to use as a negotiation tool to snare a guy on a longer term basis, or being all around psycho neurotic – vandalizing some guy’s property because she can’t make him love her, or invading his privacy because she’s an insecure, paranoid idiot, or playing head games. a secure, confident woman can get a guy’s attention, flaws and all, but when a woman isn’t bringing anything to the table but neurotic nutjob drama, and a guy isn’t impressed, the problem lies with her – and only her. november 1, 2012, 3:35 am justaboutfedup the men are doing it with their hearts. they strini women alone, making the women feel like they got to do everything to be the woman of every man’s dreams before he will even allow himself to be emotionally involved in his heart. alot times when they back off after sex it’s because they are working on keeping emotionally detached and keeping their heart out of it. again treating their children heart like it’s a prize to be won. instead of their entire being (body to). now it’s only right for women to treat their body like it’s a prize to be won to. guys know women are after their heart and women know alot of guys are after their body, so that is why they both are doing that. how women often do it because guys gave used their body and threw away. but guys will do it with their heart before a woman has used it and threw away. which leads me to believe alot of men think they are can just have anything of a women and they can pick and choose what not to give bsck in return. because these games, this is why people need to just reserve sex for marriage. because then if they mistreat u and use u, u can divorce them and they got to answer to the law about it. december 4, 2014, 11:03 am cupcake so it was ok to lie to her to just get her into bed ? february 22, 2015, 1:25 pm anais the reason his advice tells women what they are doing wrong is because his advice is for women. most dating gurus take this approach. in this case, it makes sense since the women are the ones asking, not the men and they can’t “change” the guy they’re dealing with. they can only change their own actions and do what may make a better outcome. people always wait for others to change when the only person they can change is themselves or their choices. i’m sure male dating advice is the same way. i.e., they focus on what the man is doing wrong not the woman. this is the approach i take when offering advice to both my male and female friends too. april 11, 2013, 3:36 pm luke this kind of comment always gives me a sense that the commenter is a child, refusing to take responsibility for herself, oh no of course you should never change and become a better person, the entire world should bend over to meet all your needs, being in charge and doing all the work is men’s business right? you can’t be expected to change for anyone else, you can’t be expected to take responsibility for how men will react to you, that’s all men’s obligation to you right? grow up is all i can say, no one is obligated to take you as you are, if who you are isn’t worth taking, and the only kind of men you’ll get are losers who’re just as desperate as you. march 13, 2014, 9:30 pm s anon luke, it cuts both ways. if the girl you are desperately in love with, doesn’t want you, time for you to go away.. august 15, 2015, 1:08 am keila i agree 100% with eric. great response eric! im a woman and i like sex just as much as the guy so if im attracted to him and the passion is there we will probably have sex within the first 2 weeks of dating. if the chemistry is there we will connect in other ways as well. i feel hes not taking advantage of me or using me for sex because we are both getting something we want. i never have sex with a guy thinking “now were going to be together” like some fairytale. that’s how a girl thinks not a grown woman and trust me…i used to think that way then i grew up. it just doesn’t happen that way and holding out on him makes it no better it just prolongs the inevitable. sex is what it is and shouldnt be the only deciding factor when a guy chooses his woman and if is then he is probably a jerk and you don’t want him anyway. people give sex way to much power. its fun and feels good ladies…enjoy it! i really think the woman needs to have a clear understanding of what she is willing to tolerate after having sex with a guy. if him texting and calling on a regular basis is important to you then you should stop dealing with a guy who feels its not. i personally don’t think it’s all that important. i’m not playing that game. if i want to talk to you im calling you or texting. trust me while you are waiting on him he’s talking to another woman who thinks like me. guys don’t care about that if they like you they will be happy to hear from you. they like to feel wanted jus like we do but not stalked. now if u call him and he never answers or responds thats what i call withdrawal its time to move on. i’ve learned from a guy i have been dealing with off and on for a year and a half now that men are attracted to confidence. when he does something i dont like i just cut him off. no communication whatsoever. he plays it cool sometimes then other times he comes right back and fixes whatever it is i didn’t like. we are not in an exclusive relationship but we like each other a lot i think we are just too much alike. we have both been married before and just aren’t ready yet so we like the sex with no strings. when we r together whether its sex or just going out together it feels exclusive so thats all i need right now. there are certain lines he knows not to cross with me as do i with him because i have told him and he has told me. it’s always after i have cut him off. there is no drama with us it’s just the way we are till one of us gets married or either marries each other lol happy dating everyone! september 3, 2012, 1:26 pm yogagurl i like your attitude a lot. i like how you don’t have an agenda and just enjoy the men you like for who they are. thank you for teaching me. july 1, 2013, 11:12 pm anony just passing through because i recently read in a text book, men who’ve slept with multiple partners tend to lose attraction for a girl after sex – (hypothesized to be) an evolutionary mechanism to ensure he doesn’t commit as it is more costly than having multiple partners. then i saw your post… have you ever heard of a book called the fall? it’s a story that’s meant to, among other things, teach people about “self-deception”. you my dear vixen are self deceived. november 6, 2013, 6:01 am anony oh i am agreeing with you, anony. as a woman, you can love sex and have it as soon as you want and as much as you want and that is attractive in some sense because its freeing.. (another great book about sexuality is called ‘sex at dawn’) but what i think ends up killing it is, biologically a man’s brain is wired to compete to win the prize, then sex becomes part of the spoils of that won prize.. and only on this quest does he delve in to the emotional side of his brain to even conjure up the bonding feelings. so when you go around acting like sex with you isnt a big deal and you can do it just as much and just like any man, then you become like a man to him. and lets be honest, no man turns down some good sex. does that make sense? a feminine creature values those intimate parts of herself and even though she (i) absolutely love being sensual and sexual and have a high sex drive, i dont forget about the fact that mens brains are wired differently. therefore my womans brain idea of being free with sex because its awesome and im evolved, etc, doesnt match up with his male brains wiring which says.. the longer sex is eliminated as an option in the beginning, the more time there is to develop an emotional connection with this woman, because once i have had sex with her, the desire to compete has been eliminated and i am satiated.. and they may not even understand that consciously, however, ive heard some men even say how much they hope a woman doesnt let him sleep with her because of how hard it is for them to meet a woman who they can get to know emotionally without having to be validated by sex first. keep in mind, sex for a woman bonds them chemically to a man and this does not happen on the mans side. his brain seeks quantity as a way to express freedom, which in turn releases different chemicals in his brain that fuel feelings of masculinity. so if you decide to have sex like a man.. then.. well… you cant expect the outcome that comes from having sex like a woman. :) november 27, 2013, 5:06 pm cupcake well it sounds to me like you are having sex just for the fun of it, and not want a relationship which is a different situation what so ever. when people get into a relationship they want love , respect and loyalty and they also fall in love which makes them vulnerable, meaning that if the other person does something bad to them it might hurt. the lady in the article was describing a situation when she was trying to start something serious, not casual sex, like you are describing. february 22, 2015, 1:54 pm elaine ok, recently i have had a whole new realization about sex. i realized in my last dating escapade that i really should not be sleeping with a guy until we are in a commited relationship. the reason why is because yes, it does make me crazy when i like him and then we sleep together yet there is no commitment. it makes me upset and needy and probably does make him run off, which is somewhat understandable. but sometimes in truth the relationship is really not there yet. so i think if it’s not there yet then we should not be having sex! i feel like girls are trying to hide all these feelings and play it cool, when of course we feel attached and close to them. we have given them something special and given everything we have got to them. i really just think its unfair. why should we have to give the guy sex just because it is “expected”, when they are not willing to give us commitment. (not all girls want a commitment) but for those that do, i feel that it is way too hard to have sex with a guy you care for, yet hang out in limbo playing it cool. i really am sick of having sex waiting in the wings to see whether he is going to reject me or accept us. sure, a lot of guys may not like that or get impatient, but forget that. my new thing is, why should i compromise what i want to please them. for example, have sex with the guy, yet he is not even spending the night. he doing what makes him comfortable. so i should do what makes me confortable i’m just done compromising and now realize i need to hold more value how i feel, first and foremost. if he won’t wait then is it really worth having. i just thing society dimished how powerful sex is. it is something that causes a lot of pain and hurt when not in the right context and before the right time. september 1, 2012, 4:29 am angelica you are smart elaine. august 12, 2013, 11:02 pm s anon “:it makes me upset and needy and probably does make him run off, which is somewhat understandable” no. a real man will not run away after sex. my husband didn’t run away after we had sex, in fact, it brought us closer and our relationship just progressed from there. august 15, 2015, 1:17 am janet adeline think about it – do you honestly think that men choose a woman for their one exclusive relationship just for sex? most of men of course want sex. women should not be annoyed by it, this is men’s natural. if a man is interested in you but not in sex, you gonna be worry about it. women should be happy about men want to have sex with them, because it tell them they are attractive to men, but it’s up to women’s decision to make the choices. july 19, 2012, 9:41 am anonymous your comment really proves how women tend to just think about what men want. you’re saying men naturally want sex and women should just conform to that and hope that in turn they will end up being appreciated. but women also naturally get attached to a guy when having sex, which is sort of contradictory to what guys feels, but equally important. so why shouldn’t guys say: women naturally want a connection before and after sex, so we shouldn’t be annoyed by it, we should just accept that it’s natural and respect the woman’t decision. of course women sometimes want just sex – no strings attached. sometimes just during a night out or during a time in their lives; but it’s a lot rarer. because even anatomically speaking, women experience orgasm in their brain, while men experience it through some nerves in the lower back. so men want sex as soon as possible – naturally – and women get attached very easily through sex, so they naturally feel the need to be in a relationship once they have sex. both men and women are entitled to do what is right for them. but if guys don’t get sex from a woman they really like, they can wait; it’ll maybe be annoying to wait, but they won’t get their heart broken. if women on the other hand will compromise on this one, they end up feeling used and hurt; they will lose some of their confidence in themselves and in men. so women, remember that your need for attachment after having sex is as legitimate as guys’ need for sex without planning to commit to a girl. if a guy seems to just want sex with you, do it if you’re ok to be left high and dry afterwards. if you really like a guy and he asks for sex, wait until you can see that he is as hooked as you are. if he’s not, you’re not gonna make him commit by having sex and then stressing out and trying not to act clingy, although that would be natural for you. april 28, 2014, 8:05 am anonymously me hey, thanks for this, i really like what you wrote about accepting that we feel attached after being with a guy and not hating ourselves for it (paraphrasing).acceptance overall is good for both parties! i think it starts with self acceptance. like “oh, hey, i feel this way, interesting. ok i guess i can’t have sex with this guy anymore just for fun, because i really like him and i do care.” (etc). rather than “wtf is wrong with me? oh god, i can’t be ‘needy’, i can’t be into him, i can’t be in touch, i can’t let him know i like him”. it’s sad sad sad. i think it’s the panic part in the brain that is just basically saying “oh, i actually care and i didn’t think i did”. :p and maybe that’s not such a bad thing. let that inform us, and future decisions with that man or another, rather than struggling against it and/or looking to pretend we dont’ feel that way and change what already happened. i don’t think it’s bad to have sex with a man if you feel really good about it and him and have fun. but it’s tough to realize you like them after that, when you didn’t think you “cared”. really, i think that comes down to realizing you didn’t actually respect your wishes, because you are telling yourself that somehow after sex it’s inevitably over. but i don’t think it would feel this way with a man who you instinctively felt would respect you and like to talk to you afterwards, you know? i’m just riffing now haha. like, being free and wild and “just having fun” can happen with a certain man. the man who, most likely, you already know is not really remotely available or ready to be a mate. so that’s too bad if you don’t realize it until after. but also, living in the moment is good and real, and playing games isn’t good just for the sake of it. i dunno. i’m all confused again! :p december 3, 2014, 1:49 am megan i was talking to the guy for two years and everyone said he liked me. so i finally gave in and had sex with him. like 5 minutes after he left he texted me. the next day i found out my phone was getting shut off and i told him idk when and he responded back. later that day i told him i had straighten everything out, but i havent heard from him since. it has been three days since we have had sex, ive texted him back the next day and he never responded. did i pretty much tell him to get lost or something? or was he using me for sex? july 15, 2012, 3:45 pm julia sorry megan. i’m in this situation. there might be two problems; he’s embarrassed about something he did wrong and is overthinking the situation; or he’s retarded and therefore doesn’t deserve you. don’t make yourself crazy by reaching out to him. if you do, he’ll think you want something more. even if you don’t reach out to him, he’ll think that too. hvorfor? you slept with him. in my situation, the guy i’ve been dating for six weeks insists on doing it because we’ve been out 5 times. fine. i call his bluff. i do the strip tease with the lacy lingerie, waxed like a porn star. he doesn’t want the visual stimulation (!). he says i’m just doing it to get out of sleeping with him. so, i take off my underwear. now he can’t “do it” because stuff doesn’t work. i’m surprised, amused and relieved. so we cuddle, and i try to reassure him that the whole thing was fun, because i enjoyed the time with him. 7 days later, he still hasn’t called me, and i have a “never initiate contact” rule (because i don’t call him, he told me he feels pressured to do something, so go figure). when he finally contacted me it was a text to say he had a cold, but that would ask me out when he got better. before the sex fail, he was all “i love you so much. i respect you. you’re a super woman. you’re awesome.” i basically to his text with a “having a cold sucks, get better soon” and ignored his next messages. he calls on sunday, i didn’t pick up because i was enjoying my weekend, and do not make time for rude men who insist on getting laid and then don’t call back. january 13, 2013, 3:53 am darius that’s because you were two years without sex. it was too long to keep the relationships without sex. as result, you make sex as the prize, not something natural, and, when he got the prize, he finished his “competition”. it is not good too have sex immediately but to wait too much as well get it even worse (he said he liked you because he wanted to win prize but why you made the sex as the prize). july 29, 2013, 2:54 am michelle it would just be nice for a guy to be upfront from the beginning. if a guy says he is looking for something serious then of course, we are going to react to that and want to nurture that possible relationship. if a guy would just say, “i am not looking for anything serious” then us women won’t get so frustrated with the lack of communication. unfortunately, when i don’t get any communication, i think the relationship is over and i move on. i had a guy literally tell me he was serious about me after our first date. i was skeptical of course, but eventually let my guard down and he pulls the no communication crap. july 5, 2012, 7:32 pm stacey taylor if this site and advice is actually offered by a guy (and not a clever female!) then color me 100% impressed. that is astonishingly refreshing. so many advice sites run by guys who haven’t got the first clue about women, or even about how people work regardless of gender or sexuality. the couple posts on here i’ve read so far are right on. one thing though, guys can’t read your mind. people you query on net forums only get your side of things, and clearly you’ve lost your objectivity the second you hit the send key anyway, and nobody can read the mind of whatever guy you’re referring to. an easy rule of thumb all women should follow is that before a guy is a male, he’s first a human, same as you. he’s the same animal. ask yourself how you’d feel if x happened. ask yourself how you’d respond if x happened. ask yourself why you do things when x happens, and chances are in the 90% bracket, that’s going to be his motivation as well. great site. definitely keeping this on one my daily reads list. and to the guy that’s behind it – thank you for not giving these women dopey, idiotic advice that will only compound their issues with men. you rock. (but if you’re a female, then hahah! clever girl!) july 4, 2012, 4:26 pm sweetie 7 years we have been dating? i broke up with my boyfriend going on our 5 year being together ,, we where apart for 11 months. during that time which he lived with his back then girlfriend in her home and they worked in the same place of employment. he always call but i never answered because i knew he was living his girlfriend. he would always drive by my house at al hours of the day to check on me. secretly he was paying my bills online. he had my information from when we where still dating. eventaully we got cak together. today we have been 7 years dating, engaged once and never got married. my question is will we ever actually get married? july 4, 2012, 2:10 am julia no. he won’t marry you because he’s probably married to someone else. january 13, 2013, 3:33 am neinei12 thank you!! my problem is almost the same as the problem of the girl above. it really open my eyes to a bunch of solutions for this complicated problem. i guess i didn’t want to show the guy how messed up i am by what he’s doing and how hard i’m trying to protect my pride. that i don’t want to be the first person to call or show i care about what he’s doing. i pretend everything is fine. oh and tracy love your comment… thank you for putting it out there.. true that!!! june 27, 2012, 3:22 pm sarah00 i have to admit, i always assumed that guys weren’t intuitive & that it was us women who had strong intuition, gut-instinct & the like. this article was an eye-opener! june 25, 2012, 6:06 am whittiany byrd how do you know if you and your partner are officially over and if he has already moved on… we got into a big disagreement and went a couple of days without speaking nor seeing each other but then i broke the silence and called him but now its back to silence with each other in almost a month,,, are we really done..? june 25, 2012, 3:08 am think about it this way ladies have you ever felt a gut instinct or picked up on someone’s energy? this i believe is what he is speaking about. recently i went out on a date with a guy i met online. the frequency and content of his texts and calls seemed “normal” however i could quickly sense that he felt desperate and obsessed with having a relationship. this may sound awful but it was a huge turnoff for me. while we all want attention and interest there’s also a level of confidence and independence that i want in a boyfriend. even though his actions said one thing his attitude and overall energy screamed doormat, pushhover and extremely desperate. people can perceive things about us even by the way we walk and carry ourselves. it’s not necessarily in what you do but your mindset. people pick up on vibes. it’s natural to get excited about a prospect but always keep in mind that if this doesn’t work out there’s plenty of other options out there for you. june 24, 2012, 5:23 pm tracy true, but you say it was his frequency & perhaps tone of his calls/texts that turned you off. that’s different. i don’t see anything in the above story or even in my situation that warrants a “withdrawal” response. i don’t see how as long as you’re upbeat & “cool” & call once after a long time just to say, “hey, how’s it going,” is going to make him feel like you’re being needy. june 27, 2012, 6:03 pm stephan labossiere i have to give it to eric, that was some great advice. i usually see the wrong things being told to women, but eric did a great job of answering this woman’s question. june 22, 2012, 3:43 pm tracy i’m totally confused by this! sounds like she did everything right! how would he know that she is needy/obsessing if she hasn’t even talked to him. i mean, for all he knows she is going out & having a good time, & not worrying. do guys have some sort of esp? if that’s the case i’m in trouble, we’re all in trouble. a woman is human, i’m sorry. we have feelings. if thats such a turn off how do we ever find a guy. we are not perfect. why do we have to be perfect i’m in a similar situation minus the sex part and don’t know what to do. i’m not doing anything to show my crazy insecurities i swear. everything she did is what i have been doing based on what i’ve been reading on this website & others. its not working. what is a girl supposed to do. you say a woman needs to be a prize, but how does she make herself a prize when she can’t even make contact? how is that being a prize? plain & simple, sounds like he’s just not interested which i’m afraid is the same for me. june 20, 2012, 2:05 pm tracy i also don’t understand why it doesn’t matter the frequency of calls, texts, etc., i mean doesn’t a guy want to talk to a girl? i don’t mean it has to be everyday or even every week, etc. but aren’t humans social creatures? don’t we need human contact at some point? i, mean were supposed to enjoy each other, right? are we supposed to communicate telepathically or something? what am i missing? sorry, just frustrated. not a crazy person, i promise. quite the contrary june 20, 2012, 2:21 pm lisa my answer to your question about how would he know if she’s needy/obsessing is first make sure you know what needy/obsessing means to a guy. it could simply mean that he senses she’s even thinking about a relationship. if a guy is not even thinking about a relationship, and he senses the girl is at all, he will pull back. thinking about it at all is considered obsessing. plus we got an uphill battle because men are programmed to look for those signs, and programmed to believe that women will want a relationship, which they don’t mind until they sleep with the woman. in fact they’ll even play into that, they can’t help it, up until it no longer serves them ie they’ve slept with the girl and the girl is getting all those cozy postcoital togetherness feelings. and a guy starts looking for those signs and getting fearful practically the minute he ejaculates. so you could be looking at him all starry eyed because you’ve got endorphins, but he’s seeing you looking all starry eyed because now you’re in love with him and want to have 10,000 of his babies. i don’t have any real answer for what to do, i’m part giving insight, part venting and part giving incomplete advice, which is: never ever ever equate sex and relationship in any way. you can’t expect anything in return for having sex with a guy. the sex itself should be enough of a motivation or don’t do it. the only thing i’ve ever noticed makes a difference is managing my responses after sex. for instance, i do not blow off my morning to spend it with the guy afterwards. when i’m ready to sleep, i gently disentangle myself from the cuddling and get the space i need to sleep well. that kind of stuff. one thing i’ve done once now with success, and i’d like to see eric’s opinion of this, is i took the initiative to say something. instead of waiting for the guy to do the “this isn’t a relationship” talk, i asked him, “do you think that i want to be in a relationship with you?” he bluntly told me “yes.” and i was able to set him straight, and now i have a bed buddy any time i ask, which is good because it’s what i wanted from him. but i like this approach because it takes the initiative, and just getting it out there is a relief for everybody. june 23, 2012, 8:27 am julia i have a similar problem: i know a guy who likes me. he’s been proposing that we get together in a serious committed relationship, but all i want is a bed buddy for cozy nights in. you know, hot bath, wine, music, and shenanigans. every time i suggest that i would be interested in just doing it with him, he says something about “a relationship.” i can’t get any, and he’s so hot and ripe for the picking. he won’t allow me to keep him as a companion. he wants more. how ridiculous is that?! january 13, 2013, 3:38 am yogagurl julia…your post cracked me up. the needy male bed buddy! and you are the one who just wants sex. thanks for making me laugh…even thru all my pain. june 20, 2013, 7:09 pm lau_ra ok now, why is knowing what you want equated with neediness? the guy knows he doesn’t want that woman as a bed-buddy, but as a gf, he has integrity and doesn’t agree to be a toy until she finds someone to be her bf. and he is needy? seriously, people, think of the notion of neediness again, cause from that point of view wanting a relationship looks like a terrible thing. from what i experienced and noticed around me, those who complain about neediness of others the most, usually have committment issues and get freaked out about completely normal behaviour of interested person. october 25, 2013, 3:11 pm