Spørg en fyr: Elsker fyre virkelig jagten?

onyinye azuikpe hej eric, jeg vil stille dig et spørgsmål om denne fyr, som jeg er forelsket i, vi har hængt sammen et par gange ok, men han har ikke gjort sin hensigt klar over, sidste gang Jeg spurgte ham, om jeg har en kæreste, han sagde, at han ikke ved, pls hvad betyder det, fordi jeg virkelig elsker denne fyr, at jeg ikke kan stoppe med at tænke på ham, jeg har afvist andre fyre på grund af ham, og mine venner har råd mig til at glemme ham og gå videre, skal jeg fortælle ham, hvordan jeg har det eller ej, han er min meget gode ven, pls hvad skal jeg gøre. 22. november 2019, 1:51 am kristy hej, ærligt talt tror jeg, at de fleste kvinder er meget trængende. de er så bange for, at han holder på med at være usikker lol. Jeg jagter ikke min mand, han ved, hvor jeg er, vi har et åbent og tillidsforhold. Jeg vil ikke jagte en mand, jeg elsker at arbejde på biler, der spiser en retfærdig chillin. kvinder er bare bekymrede for mange ting, hvis du bekymrer dig for ham. Jeg hader telefoner. u skal kunne være en med din partner. hvis du ikke kan, er der så mange muligheder derude, er det sværere at arbejde på din udgivelse, så ikke lol tak for lettin me vent 27. oktober 2019, 7:33 am jones hej eric, tak for den smukke og indsigtsfulde besked. fortæl mig venligst, gælder dine råd også for forhold i ægteskabet? Jeg vil meget gerne læse fra dig 5. oktober 2019, 02.28 leanne gibson kære eric, din skrivestil er…. fantastisk! Jeg nyder helhjertet den måde, du leverer dine meninger, perspektiver og forslag på. du siger jævnligt, at tingene er enkle, og at det 'blødere køn' er et kompliceret og skørt udyr, alt imens jeg får nikket (noget) modigt ærligt og fnist i processen. mange tak for at holde det rigtigt! jeg nyder virkelig dig 1. oktober 2019, 13:36 eric charles ah tak så meget. det betyder meget for mig, jeg er glad for, at du kunne lide det. 2. oktober 2019, 8:45 sarah efter at have læst utallige artikler om dette emne, er din ikke kun inspirerende, det giver mig håb. tak eric! Bliv ved med at komme !! 19. august 2019, 10:29 eric charles tak! det er jeg virkelig glad for at høre. 2. oktober 2019, 8:44 am yvonne tak meget for info var meget hjælpsom. jeg fik de fleste spørgsmål svaret 7. juni 2019, 9:59 er eric charles jeg er glad! selv tak! 2. oktober 2019, 8:45 am tiffany Jeg har set en mand nu i lidt over en måned. jeg ved ikke ling. han har været meget åben over for mig eller sådan ser det ud. Jeg følte for nylig lidt tilbagetrækning og spurgte, om det var nødvendigt med plads. sagde han utvetydigt nej! ”Hvis jeg ville have plads, ville jeg bede om det.” derefter fortsatte med at spørge, om vi var ok. jeg sagde ja. nu har han fået endnu mere plads. hvorfor ikke sige det, da jeg tilbød det som en løsning? hvad skal jeg gøre? 29. april 2019, 19:24 bongi hej eric, jeg har været single i næsten et år nu, fordi jeg bare har forhold er meget arbejde og kræver så meget følelsesladet og mental energi .. og siden jeg begyndte at læse de fleste af dine artikler, blev det bare så klart for mig, at vi gør forhold til en opgave i stedet for at nyde det og hinanden. dine artikler hjalp mig virkelig med at forstå tingene mere tydeligt, mange tak ... 4. januar 2019, 23.42 eric charles det er fantastisk, det er netop den slags ting Jeg vil have dig til at se ... hvordan man skifter til et perspektiv, hvor man ser, at tingene kan være lette og effektive. Jeg vil have, at dit kærlighedsliv skal føles godt for dig og let. 2. oktober 2019, 8:46 am tracey eric, dette er den bedste artikel om dating, jeg nogensinde har læst i mit liv! Jeg stopper straks min jagtsindstilling og indser min egen værdi. Jeg kan ikke takke dig nok. 11. december 2018, 15:16 eric charles det er jeg meget glad for at høre. tak for beskeden! 11. december 2018, 16:55 Indien så oplysende og forfriskende at høre dette fra en mands perspektiv. Jeg nyder virkelig at læse eric! tak skal du have! 3. oktober 2018, 07:28 eric charles glad for at du kunne lide det. tak skal du have! 11. december 2018, 16:53 awura elsker det hele. godt skrevet, og jeg ændrer bestemt min opfattelse af visse ting, når det kommer til forhold. elsker dine skrive ups eric. 6. august 2018, 06:37 eric charles tak så meget, jeg er glad for at høre det! 2. oktober 2019, 8:47 am barbara stor opfattelse og analogi om forhold. Jeg føler sprog bidrager til, hvorfor vi ser ethvert forhold som en besiddelse snarere end en organisk væske, der ikke virkelig kan besættes. ligesom ethvert organisk væsen, kræver det at blive fodret og næret af alle involverede parter. 7. juni 2018, 22:24 eric charles ja ... sprog og overordnet perspektiv. vi har modeller i tankerne om, hvordan ting fungerer, eller hvordan ting skal være. vores samfund lærer ikke rigtig dette, men i vid udstrækning når noget er trækkeligt og har os totalt frustreret, er det fordi vores perspektiv slår mod virkeligheden ... og fordi vi tror, ​​det skal fungere, bliver vi ved med at køre os dybere ned i hullet og dreje vores dæk. hvad der kan hjælpe er, når nogen kan vise os, hvordan vores perspektiv (vores tankegang, vores holdning, vores syn på tingene) faktisk skaber en masse elendighed for os. og endnu bedre, når de først viser os det, er det endnu bedre, hvis de kan vise os en vej frem, der gør tingene klare, lette og rent faktisk fungerer med virkeligheden (ikke imod den, slibes til flere eller forskellige konflikter). det er hvad jeg sigter mod at gøre med alt, hvad jeg skriver og opretter. 2. oktober 2019, 8:51 am beth tak for alle dine nyttige og indsigtsfulde artikler! tilsyneladende har jeg gjort alt 'forkert' med den fyr, jeg begyndte at danse for et år siden. Jeg har gjort mig selv for tilgængelig for ham og altid villig til at se ham, når han ville, fordi jeg kunne. Jeg havde aldrig brug for (eller ville) annullere tidligere planer, det var sådan, det altid fungerede med timing. vi ser hinanden i øjeblikket 2-3 gange om måneden. ja, jeg kan godt lide ham meget og nyder hans selskab, og han nyder min. men jeg har helt klart været for tilgængelig, og han er vant til det. Jeg har aldrig indset, at det var en turn off, og jeg forstår, hvad du siger. selvom vi stadig ser hinanden og har en masse sjov, uanset hvad vi gør, er vores forhold afslappet. han ser andre mennesker, og jeg er for nylig begyndt at gå sammen med andre mennesker. mit spørgsmål til dig, er det for sent på dette tidspunkt for ham at se mig og som værdifuld? hvis han vil se mig (ofte kontakter han mig samme dag), og hvis jeg ikke har planer, skal jeg se ham eller sige, at jeg har planer? jeg fortsætter med at vende tilbage til dig og siger, at jeg ikke altid er tilgængelig for at tilføje mere værdi ... men spil ikke spil. Jeg har ingen forventninger, men er lidt forvirret, hvad jeg skal gøre i denne situation. tak på forhånd! mellem 3. juni 2018, kl. 21.15 bea tak eric. Jeg er nødt til at meditere over alle de dybe ting, du delte med os. Jeg har lyst til at få det. 18. oktober 2017, 1:06 am eric charles du er velkommen - og tak for kommentaren. held og lykke! 25. november 2017, 12:54 kathi hej eric, fremragende artikel. det bedste jeg har læst! du har ret, så mange artikler angiver, hvor meget betydning der lægges på mænd, der har brug for en jagt. Jeg er ikke en spiller, men tror på at være mit ægte hårdtarbejdende selv. job sammenligningen var fantastisk! og det faktum, at forhold ikke er ting at have. men et øjeblik i tid delt af to personer. dating i dine 50'ere er så anderledes. Jeg tror, ​​at mænd såvel som nogle kvinder nyder det kammeratskab og eventyr, et forhold tilbyder i stedet for at koncentrere sig om et engagement .. især for mænd. mens jeg foretrækker et engagement, synes det at være den bedste løsning at leve i øjeblikket og nyde det. rådene om ikke at hænge på det var det bedste råd nogensinde. Jeg agter at følge denne rådgivning, som jeg allerede er begyndt at implementere. det gør underværker. have det sjovt, vær dig selv, vis værdi og respekt for dit forhold, og hvis det ikke lykkes, så fyr dem og gå til grønnere muligheder! punkt taget. tak skal du have. kathi 19. september 2017, 19:59 kris wow! det er en enestående artikel, eric! Jeg respekterer virkelig den måde, du forklarede ting på, og dine demonstrationer gjorde det klart at forstå. tak for de værdifulde oplysninger, som jeg ved, vil få stor indflydelse for mange af os. min frygt med min kæreste er, at han på et eller andet niveau (på grund af problemer med selvtillid / skam / frygt for intimitet) fristes af nyheden om at jagte og søge validering fra andre kvinder, selvom jeg giver ham meget. som hvis han har mig nu, må han se, at han stadig værdsættes af andre. en type græs er grønnere mentalitet. Jeg kom til at tilegne mig denne frygt ved at se på hans fb-side, og hvordan han altid kan lide og siger flirtende svar til bestemte kvinder, en som han ser, når han besøger derhjemme, og også fortæller mig, hvornår han kom tilbage efter opbrud, han kender Han har problemer med engagement og tillid, og han arbejder på dem. 26. august 2017, 13:12 asa hej eric, tak for dit råd som altid, og jeg nyder virkelig dine artikler. jeg var fascineret af denne interessante analogi, at en kvinde kunne være en virksomhed, mens en mand ville være en medarbejder, og det hjalp min tanke organiseret. tak skal du have. Jeg har et spørgsmål om analogien. Jeg forstår, at dit punkt kan være, at det er vigtigt at fokusere på at forbedre virksomheden, så den er attraktiv for medarbejder (e) i stedet for for meget omsorg for den medarbejder, der ikke fungerer godt. mit spørgsmål er, hvad tror du, at virksomhedens fortjeneste / indtjening kan være i denne situation? det er kernen i virksomheden, virksomheden kan ikke eksistere uden den, det er basen for medarbejderens løn, der er afgørende for begge sider af virksomheden og medarbejderne ... kunne det være kvindens personlighed? sundhed krop? (bygning kan være uden for kroppen ...?) håber at høre tilbage fra dig 8. juli 2017, 08:05 silvestra Jeg har et spørgsmål, der undertiden forvirrer mig. hvad er forskellen på, at han vil have plads, og at han ikke vil finde tid til dig? og hvor lang tid tager det normalt for ham at ordne tingene? hvad er den acceptable grænse for det? 23. maj 2017, 04:29 helt sikkert tak eric, det giver meget mening.. hver gang jeg føler mig så forvirret og meget skræmmende, læser jeg din e-mail og det virkelig hjælper mig ud. lige nu er jeg træt af at prøve at få hans opmærksomhed im bare at give op. Jeg vil ikke være sur på ham for at have ignoreret mine tekster og opkald, jeg er bare frustreret over, at han kunne have givet mig noget at understa som at sende mig en tekst tilbage, idet han er travlt, så min opmærksomhed er nu ikke på vores forhold, det kommer til mig Mig selv. som du sagde her, skal du ikke bekymre dig, når han ikke gør det. ems til at bekymre sig, når han viser, at han bryr sig. th5js chase ting med mig er færdig, og jeg vil være stærk..Jeg vil se, hvor dette fører mig hen til. igen end u meget for din tid. 24. december 2016, 06:14 natasha wow eric, jeg ved ikke engang, hvor jeg skal starte, men din artikel er meget lærerig. Jeg har været en slave af at jagte en fyr, men efter at have læst denne artikel er det som en mind opener. ive besluttede at gå videre og glemme ham fuldstændigt ... jeg har lyst til, at jeg bare har gennemgået sindeterapi & det er virkelig nyttigt 28. januar 2017, 00:56 sameeta tak eric værdig artikel, pls, fortsæt med at inspirere, at jagte ord, jeg kan virkelig ikke lide, når der er kærlighed, der er en respekt, vi er mennesker, følelser er naturlige, jeg havde for nylig gennemgået en break-up-oplevelse med en fyr, jeg vil bede ham om en grund til at bryde op , han blokerede mit nummer, jeg forsøgte at kontakte ham via forskellige netværk, men han er tavs venlig, nu har jeg kun mulighed for at tilgive og glemme stadig et sted, hvor man ser ud til at bede ham holde sin krave, hvorfor?…. vær venlig at hjælpe mig med denne situation, da det undertiden skaber angst, som ikke er godt for mig at komme for tættere og derefter pludselig forsvinde !!! det gør ondt!! 2. november 2016, 09:48 jen hej eric, jeg plejede at modtage e-mails fra dig. ønsker at fortsætte med at få e-mails fra dig om forhold osv. Jeg efterlod min e-mail-adresse ovenfor. 10. september 2016, 03:52 veronica dette er i alt bs. for nylig svigtede jeg min play-hard-to-get-guard og stoppede en fyr i at jagte mig ved at bede ham ud og sende en sms til ham, når jeg havde lyst til det. (ikke ofte to gange om ugen). han svarer altid med det samme, men indleder aldrig længere en tekst. Jeg er tilbage til at spille spillet om at lade den næste fyr jage mig igen og være utilgængelig. sig hvad du vil, men mænd elsker absolut en tæve! det har altid fungeret! 26. august 2016, 21:10 eric charles du reagerer ikke på punkter eller ræsonnement i artiklen. dine påstande er ikke grundbaserede, du siger bare tomme ord og buzz-sætninger uden at forklare, hvad det betyder og ser ud. ”Mænd elsker absolut en tæve” er et slogan, ikke et argument. læs artiklen og lav nogle punkter med ræsonnement, så taler vi. 27. august 2016, 16:06 sagsøgning Jeg er helt enig veronica, synes jo mere bitchier du er, jo mere de vil have dig. 29. juni 2018, 14:40 eric charles @sue - har det fungeret for dig i dit eget kærlighedsliv, eller er dette bare en observation, du har om andre mennesker? 2. oktober 2019, 08:53 agame tak eric for denne artikel. Jeg føler mig meget forrådt af nogle af de andre forhold, såkaldte “guru”. Jeg er helt enig med dig, at mænd i begyndelsen måske er ivrige efter at jage kvinder for prisen for at være sammen med dem, uanset om de bare tilslutter sig eller potentielt for et forhold. Jeg tror, ​​at kvinder vildledes til at tro, at de har brug for at handle på en bestemt måde eller ændre os selv for at få en fyr, når de faktisk elsker sig selv, er positive og ved, hvad dit værd og fortjener i livet, er den vigtigste del af at kunne tiltrække den 'rigtige fyr'. og når du først har fyren, skal spillet med at spille kat og mus være irrelevant. især hvis fyren virkelig kan lide dig, og du kan lide fyren. at være dit autentiske selv handler ikke om at spille spil og være ”feminin”. et partnerskab er at være med nogen på samme side og lade dig selv være den, du virkelig er med den person. Jeg læste din første bog om, hvordan mænd ikke er så komplicerede. Jeg har testet dine teorier mange gange, og de viste sig at være rigtige. mænd er ret enkle i deres måde at se på verden og relationer, og på en eller anden måde har 'vi' kvinder en tendens til at komplicere det ved at overtænke vores forhold og gøre os skøre. det er hvad der er. det er op til os kvinder at vælge den rigtige og give den 'rigtige' vores autentiske selv på et øjeblik til øjeblik-basis med forventningen om, at vi ikke vil tillade dårlig opførsel, fordi vi fortjener bedre. 23. august 2016, 17:12 charles hvad en dejlig artikel. der er en hel del kvinder, der forstår værdien af ​​ikke at prøve at få en fyr til at jage. desværre er der mange, der stadig ikke forstår, at gode fyre (dem, der er stabile og selvsikre; ikke desperate) ikke vil jagte dig, fordi de er tilfredse med deres liv og er villige til at vente på nogen, der vil forbedre det, de allerede har har med hensyn til kvalitet. når en kvinde får en mand til at jage hende (eller når en mand får en kvinde til at jage ham), siger det bogstaveligt talt til den anden person, jeg har ikke selvværd til at værdsætte, hvad jeg kan tilbyde en anden, medmindre den person konstant validerer min værd ved at jagte mig. 16. august 2016, 23:06 vicki eric mange tak for denne artikel. det er sådan en velsignelse for mig, hvordan du giver os sandhed og forklarer dit råd. Jeg respekterer din lære og værdi. håber du har en velsignet dag. 4 juli 2016, 8:00 emma louise dette er fantastisk. 17. april 2016, 18:30 faye 'denne idé om 'mænd elsker jagten' skal dø ...' selv de fyre, jeg kender, har købt sig ind i dette lort. mænd har også brug for at høre dette! tak for denne artikel. du fik mig bestemt til at føle, at jeg tog den rigtige beslutning, der sluttede mit tidligere forhold efter 2 år med at få rester af hans opmærksomhed og kærlighed. Jeg havde brug for at lære at elske mig selv og være min egen bedste person og ikke 'vente på ham hele tiden.' gudinder venter ikke. 14. marts 2016, 19:30 eric charles ja nøjagtigt - sig ikke 'ja' til noget, der ikke er det, du vil have. sig 'nej' til det, du ikke vil have ... så der er plads til det, du ønsker at komme ind i dit liv. 14. marts 2016, 20:17 leeann Jeg har været sammen med denne fyr i næsten 4 måneder, og han fortalte mig i starten, at han ikke er klar til et forhold . men vi har fantastisk kemi og nyder hinandens selskab. hver gang jeg bliver følelsesladet med at ønske mere, kommer han tilbage. nu har han sagt, at vi er eksklusive, og han er ikke interesseret i at gå sammen med nogen anden, men det er alt, hvad han kan forpligte sig til lige nu. han var sammen med nogen ti år, der pludselig forlod ham (ca. to måneder før vi mødtes), og han er ikke over hende. skal jeg løbe eller være okay med, hvor vi er? han er en indadvendt og giver ikke ud komplimenter, men vi snakker eller sender tekst hvert par dage eller deromkring og ser hinanden mindst en gang om ugen. vi arbejder modsatte skift, og jeg har børn, og han ikke. Jeg er en pige, så selvfølgelig vil jeg have mere (han fortæller folk om mig, introducerer mig til sine venner), men skal jeg forvente mere? Jeg kan ikke finde noget, der siger, at jeg skal forlade, men nogle venner siger, hvorfor skal jeg være næstbedst. bliver jeg brugt? 18. februar 2016, 15:50 janine par ting. Jeg tror, ​​jeg ved generelt, hvorfor kvinder vil vide, hvad fremtiden bringer i et forhold. det er en trist sandhed, men det er en sandhed, og det er, at kvinders markedsførbarhed bliver mindre, når hun bliver ældre. så hvorfor spilde dine bedste år sammen med en person, der ikke er der for fremtiden. så lad os tage arbejdets analogi, hvis du har et godt stykke arbejde, men du finder ud af, at virksomheden flytter til et andet land eller nedskæringer, og din fremtid med dem er kompromitteret, og ikke fra dit arbejde, ville jeg tro, du ville se efter et andet job, selv men i øjeblikket er alt godt. generelt tror jeg kvinder gør det. til en vis grad er det ok, men som eric har sagt, hvis det gøres til det ekstreme, vil du aldrig være lykkelig. 17. februar 2016, 8:33 maggie Janey Eric, dette er stedet og præcis, hvad jeg havde brug for at læse. Jeg har haft at gøre med en meget umotiveret 'medarbejder' i nogen tid nu og har sat dem til grønnere græsgange .. måske kan de samle ledighed et stykke tid :) sandheden er, jeg tænkte mere på, hvordan jeg kan ændre, så de vil have mig i stedet for hvad jeg ønskede, og hvordan de ikke passede til mit ”position description” kapitel lukket for mig, men hvad en fantastisk analogi. at være en hr manager af handel, dette virkelig genklang med mig tak! 1. januar 2016, 15:23 michelle jeg elsker at læse dine artikler. de er indsigtsfulde og genindvender det, jeg allerede nogle gange ved - som en øre, der falder. 27. november 2015, 23.34 priyanka Jeg gætter på, at han let glemte mig, jeg mener, han er ligeglad mere, han er tilfreds med sine venner. Jeg ved ikke, det var så meget i vores forhold at huske, men intet påvirkede ham, og jeg har hårdt brug for ham tilbage i mit liv, jeg elskede ham virkelig. Jeg ved ikke, hvad skal jeg gøre eric, bare giv mig nogle ting for at få ham tilbage, men jeg må fortælle dig, at vi ikke længere er i kontakt 5. november 2015, 00:33 tee tee Jeg har aldrig kommenteret her, men din kommentar fik mig til at blive tvunget til det. dette kom til at tænke på; ”Hvor langt er du gået for mænd, der aldrig har holdt dine fødder i deres skød? hvor ofte har du byttet med ben, kun for at sælge dig selv kort? hvorfor finder du det utilgængelige så tiltrækkende? hvor begyndte det? hvad gik galt? og hvem fik dig til at føle dig så værdiløs? hvis de ville have dig, ville de ikke have valgt dig? hele denne tid bad du stille om kærlighed og tænkte at de ikke kunne høre dig, men de smeltede det på dig, du må have vidst at de kunne smage det desperate på din hud? og hvad med de andre, der ville gøre noget for dig, hvorfor fik du dem til at elske dig, indtil du ikke kunne udholde det? hvordan har I begge disse kvinder, både flygtige og trængende? hvor lærte du dette, at ønske, hvad der ikke vil have dig? hvor lærte du dette, at forlade dem, der ønsker at blive? ” - warsan shire grundlæggende, når du er i tvivl, vælg selv. sender cyber knus, jeg håber du finder helbredelse. 23. juni 2016, 18:55 thabo thanx meget, jer åbnede virkelig mine øjne, og jeg besluttede at opdatere og nu så jeg ting, jeg var uvidende om, når jeg var i forhold. tusind tak 20. oktober 2015, 10:06 elizabeth ok, det er underligt, min forelskelse bad mig om at jage ham i fordybningen, og jeg ved ikke, om han kan lide mig eller ej (og wow han hurtigt) Jeg vil virkelig vide, om han kan lide mig eller ikke 3. oktober 2015, 17:04 amy eric, det giver masser af mening , det gør det virkelig. Jeg skal dog finde ud af, hvordan jeg omprogrammerer mit sind, og det er den svære del! ja, det er korrekt, at forholdet er, hvad det er i det øjeblik, og ikke hvad du projicerer på det. men hvordan ændrer man den skadelige tankegang hos en kvinde, der har projiceret på denne måde, siden hun var teenager? det er 30 år med selvbesejrende tænkning! Jeg kender din ret, jeg skal bare finde ud af, hvordan jeg virkelig absorberer det og gør det til mit instinkt snarere end noget, jeg ønsker jeg kunne gøre. nogle forslag? 27. september 2015, 7:40 am eric charles at ændre den måde, du gør ting på, er meget, meget let, når du først ser en bedre og mere effektiv måde at gøre tingene på. det er det, dette websted er beregnet til - jeg har skrevet hundredvis af artikler og nyhedsbrevsmails, som alle er gratis og tilgængelige for dig lige nu. hvis du har pengene, kan jeg fortælle dig, at mit kærlighedsformelprogram er den allerbedste information derude ved at få dig det kærlighedsliv, du virkelig vil have (selv i de hårdeste situationer, selv efter år med at gøre ting på andre måder, der ikke har arbejdet osv.) der er et premiumprogram til rådighed for folk, der allerede har købt, han er ikke så kompliceret (vores bog) ... men igen, hvis du har pengene, så vil jeg fortælle dig 100% tillid til, at det er det allerbedste materiale jeg har nogensinde produceret. en ting, jeg er stolt af, er stadig, hvor meget jeg giver væk frit for at hjælpe folk ... så hvis du ikke kan få de betalte kurser lige nu, vil jeg fortælle dig, at du kan få et ton kilometertal fra artiklerne og nyhedsbrevet . glad for at du fandt siden og glad for at høre, at du kunne lide artiklen. 27. september 2015, 13:33 tata dejlig artikel. selvom jeg tror, ​​at problemet virksomheden kan have med en medarbejder, er når han ikke udfører alle sine opgaver godt, som om han kommer sent, ikke er så venlig med kollegerne osv., men er fremragende til en særlig vigtig opgave (meget god til salg, uniq forretningsidéer, hurtig porgrammer osv.). så i forhold, der kunne være en fantastisk sex, men behandling er så-så. det er, når virksomheden vil beholde en medarbejder, fordi det naturligvis drager fordel af hans stærke evner, men ikke får ham til at udføre inden for andre områder. 26. september 2015, 13:36 Eric Charles god kommentar - tak for det. Jeg har et svar til dig ... og som en person, der driver to succesrige virksomheder (og måtte lære den hårde måde at vælge, ansætte og administrere medarbejdere), kan jeg give dig en analogi, der gælder for både relationer og forretning: i hvis du har en overordnet giftig arbejdstager med stor dygtighed, er den første ting at genkende den position, du befinder dig i ... du får nogle fordele (for forholdet, lad os sige god sex ... for en virksomhed, lad os sige god programmør) ... og på samme tid betaler du en høj pris for det (for forholdet, lad os sige, at køn er godt, men generelt er forholdet giftigt ... og for et firma, lad os sige, at denne dygtige arbejdstager er en god programmør, men giftig til arbejdsmiljøet og ikke pålidelig) ... det bliver en omkostningseffektiv analyse - ja, du får noget, men du betaler også meget for det ... så en ting, som folk har en masse problemer med at svare på, er, “ er det mere besvær end det er værd? ” hvis det er det værd ... så mildner du skaderne. for forretningsanalogen: du finder ud af, hvordan du sætter grænser for, hvad du vil tillade arbejdstageren, sanktioner og en måde at begrænse eller eliminere hans toksicitet ... så måske vil du lægge hans løn, hvis han går glip af en deadline, adskiller du ham fra alle andre arbejdere, du lægger stram monitor på hans arbejde osv. i en forholdsanalogi, du genkender simpelthen hvad du får og forventer intet andet fra ham. forventninger kræves for at skuffelse skal være mulig. tab forventningerne, og du eliminerer straks muligheden for skuffelse. du begrænser de områder, som du endda genkender ham for at være i stand til at opfylde og søger andre steder for at opfylde dem. igen, dette er hvis han er værd at bruge det. hvis han ikke er, finder du en erstatning ... du kan holde dem ansat, mens du leder efter den erstatning, men når du først har fundet udskiftningen ... fyrer du denne 'medarbejder', og du ser aldrig tilbage. Jeg kan fortælle dig, at en dårlig medarbejder ikke kun koster dig mere med hensyn til dårlig præstation ... de forgifter alt, hvad de rører ved ... og hvis du ikke er forsigtig, forgifter de også dit humør. Jeg vil opfordre dig til at slå op i min artikel om giftige forhold (spørg en fyr: tegn på, at du er i et giftigt forhold) og læse specifikt om den 'følelsesmæssige rutsjebane' -effekt. det vil virkelig tale med det, du spørger her ud over det, jeg lige har beskrevet. håber det hjælper. 27. september 2015, 14:06 ange hej eric tak for denne interessante artikel. Jeg har læst mange af dine artikler, og de har alle været lærerige. et spørgsmål, som jeg havde, selvom jeg havde læst dette, er en oplevelse, jeg har nu. en mand på arbejde og jeg (ja jeg kender risiciene der), og jeg har haft en gensidig crush (jeg ser bare virkelig, hvor gensidig det er) i et par år nu. vi er begge selvsikre mennesker, men genert over for hinanden og vores tilgang. han har mange kvinder interesseret i ham, så hvorfor har han stadig en interesse i mig efter al denne tid, hvor han har været nødt til at udføre det meste af arbejdet, og jeg har været så blodig håbløs og viser min interesse? hvis han ikke nyder udfordringen, er det da fordi han ser mig som høj værdi (jeg tror jeg er ret attraktiv og får meget mandlig opmærksomhed, men er venlig snarere end flirtende)? Jeg gætter på, at det ikke betyder noget, og jeg overtænker det hele, men jeg var nysgerrig, da denne chase-holdning er noget, der var indgroet og altid har fungeret ganske godt for mig. tak eric ange 22. august 2015, 22:28 melissa fantastisk artikel. du gik ud over det. mange tak! 19. august 2015, 12:44 steph det meste af det, du siger, er uhyggeligt nøjagtigt. Jeg er socialrådgiver. Jeg fortæller altid alle (doktorer, patienter, sygeplejersker osv.), at du er nødt til at starte, hvor nogen er i det øjeblik. du kan ikke motivere forandring med dine egne personlige mål for dem. start hvor de er. det virker. de mest “ikke-kompatible” patienter har været dem med de bedste resultater. fordi jeg ikke pålagde dem mine mål eller planlagde deres fremtid. jeg lyttede. det er forbløffende, hvor svært det er at gøre det samme i personlige forhold. lol. Jeg har en meget voldelig ex mand. det meste af tiden kan jeg se bort fra hans kommentarer, men 10 tekster senere med mig temmelig følelsesmæssigt voldelige tekster, bliver jeg lidt modløs. plus det er svært for fyre, jeg går sammen. min eks vil lægge dem ned til børnene, indtil de er temmelig negative. Jeg har tabt mig og føler mig for første gang i årevis ret sikker på mit udseende og mig selv. det meste af tiden er jeg meget tilfreds med min her og nu. jeg kan godt lide mig. rådgivning hjælper. ???? undskyld jeg ft lidt af emnet! min største udfordring er ikke at lade alle de negative ting, min eks siger om mig (fed, utilstrækkelig, grim osv.), påvirke mine forhold. jeg får en kamp eller flyrespons i gang. normalt flyvning. dine artikler har hjulpet meget. mindede mig om at slappe af og trække vejret dybt. bare en dato trods alt ... tak! 27. juli 2015, 07:27 lisa endelig. det blev forklaret, så jeg kan få det. tak skal du have. helt seriøst. 14. juli 2015, kl. 12:10 katie det er et interessant, men alligevel dybtgående punkt. tak eric! forskellen mellem arbejdspladsen og et forhold er, at vi har et sæt regler til at måle, om arbejdstageren er kvalificeret og har udført sit arbejde godt. i et forhold synes grænserne at være vage. ja, vi har vores egne forventninger og grænser. hvad med en partner er meget følsom, som om virksomheden vælger små ting, eller administrationen ikke er så god? på samme tid er den følsomme person ikke klar over, at han / hun laver alt for stor en aftale, eller virksomheden har ikke indset, at der kunne forbedres meget for administrationsdelen. så som den arbejdstager, der elsker selve jobbet. skal han gå væk? og hvordan kunne en person indse, at det er svært? 10. juli 2015, 11:18 eric charles Jeg løber ud af døren, men jeg vil efterlade dig med en tanke (som jeg tror vil føre dig til svaret) ... hvorfor er det så let at identificere en dårlig ven (det ville være godt at straks skære ud af dit liv)? der er ingen klart definerede regler der ... som barn satte du dig ikke ned med en graf og regneark for at bestemme, hvem du ville have som ven ... det er ikke anderledes med et kærlighedsforhold så langt som at identificere 'godt' fra 'dårligt' ... spørgsmålet er, er du god til at løse det? er du ærlig over for dig selv og situationen? er du god til at afbryde tingene, når det ikke bliver det forhold, du vil have? er du god til at arbejde igennem problemer med din partner på en konstruktiv måde? at identificere et godt forhold fra et dårligt forhold er ikke svært. at kunne se, hvornår du er en del af problemet, kan nogle gange være svært for nogle mennesker. at kunne stå over for en grim sandhed kan være svært for nogle mennesker. alligevel, dette var bare en hurtig note, før jeg løber ud af døren ... håber, det var nyttigt. 11. juli 2015, 15:57 katie wow eric, du gør virkelig et godt stykke arbejde med at forklare. dette minder mig bare om en ven, der klager hele tiden. hver gang jeg bruger tid sammen med ham, føler jeg min positive energi blive suget op af ham og mig selv trukket til denne negative verden. he is the person who can make me from on top of my world to having a good day. i used to tell myself he’s just having a tough day. but tough days seem to be his constant mode. and i start to avoid spending time with him, even though he’s dedicated, respectful, knowledgable and has lots of qualities i admire. he’s a good person but i’d like to avoid him. if only we could identify good and bad in a relationship instead of finding excuses. should a healthy romantic relationship work like a good friendship? no specific work required and two people just enjoy each other’s company? july 12, 2015, 12:00 am elaine i like the job analogy. when my guy asked me out for the first time, he actually said he wanted to “put in his resume” with me before someone else beat him to it! i was impressed, and i still am! july 6, 2015, 9:48 pm nusrat thanks eric,it helps me lot june 27, 2015, 12:28 pm blue love these articles! makes so much sense!! where have you and sabrina been my whole life!! thank you!!! june 16, 2015, 8:12 pm kris i’m sorry but i disagree with much of this. i believe lots of guys are fueled by “the chase” or the challenge of a woman who’s hard to get. i have had it done to me plenty of times and in most of those cases, when i reciprocate the attention, the guy starts cooling off. if i ignore him, the chase is back on. i’m seeing a perfect example of this very thing right now in my workplace. there is a beautiful young blonde girl, she’s really nice i like her so this is not a catty statement at all. but there are two guys (who happen to be good friends) who have been hanging on this girl (chasing after her) for months. one of them keeps buying her chocolate which she just gives away to her coworkers because she doesn’t want it. she is cordial and friendly with both of them but she is only being polite. if she was interested in either of these guys she’d be dating one of them by now, it would not take months for her to figure out who she likes. but neither of these guys have had any success, in fact its kind of the joke around the office about the competition between “alpha 1” and “alpha 2”. i am positive what makes theses guys refuse to give up is her aloofness to their efforts. it has become a full blown challenge for both of them and if they thought it was a huge daunting waste of their time, they would have thrown in the towel after a couple weeks not keep trying for several months. yes, lots of guys love the chase. june 5, 2015, 2:23 pm eric charles getting a guy to chase you does not equal a guy being interested in you… it is more similar to a person wanting to win an argument than it is representative of anything remotely resembling interest in you (or a relationship with you)… you’re asserting that her aloofness is getting her the guy? it’s not — she’s not choosing either guy… i mean, she’s genuinely not interested. she probably thinks to herself, “why do the guys i want never want me and the guys i don’t want pursue me?” (and that’s something i’ve written about elsewhere…) what you’re talking about is something totally different than what i’m talking about or writing about in this article… apples and oranges. june 5, 2015, 7:02 pm tiffany york can you provide a link to the article you mentioned, “why do the guys i want never want me and the guys i don’t want pursue me?” it’s the story of my life. ugh. july 13, 2015, 1:20 pm eric charles (not to mention that being a “beautiful blonde girl in the office” might play, ya know, a tiny part in motivating their interest… and not her lack of interest in them… but again, you and i are just on different pages entirely…) june 5, 2015, 7:04 pm kris then why do they continue to pursue her???? june 6, 2015, 6:35 pm eric charles a bunch of reasons, such as (but not limited to): – they see her constantly – sometimes it’s fun to flirt with someone – they see her constantly – she sounds hot from your description – they see her constantly – it doesn’t sound like she’s stopping them or calling hr about workplace harrassment – they see her constantly… people hook up at workplaces all the time… you see each other all the time and it becomes a social circle of sorts… so even though she might not, hook up with them or date them (and have the whole office talking about it), she’s not stopping it either. the “fuel” isn’t coming from the chase… the “fuel” comes from the fact that it’s fun to flirt, people need breaks during their work day and you are a social circle that all she a common, built-in conversation. this article is about whether or not men “love the chase” and if looking at relationships from that perspective is effective (to which i say it’s not)… this is not a “chase”… this is a workplace social dynamic and meaningless flirtation. that’s why i say it’s apples and oranges. june 8, 2015, 12:52 am jen really well written and well-said. it makes a lot of sense. if you live a full, happy life, it will be a pleasure to bring that happiness to others, period. maybe i could also add that if the focus is on being a blessing to others, you enjoy what you have and no longer worry about what you don’t!!! thanks for the advice! may 31, 2015, 10:51 pm tina hi eric thanks a lot for this post. i wish i found this post just 2 month ago. :( especially i like your analogy “how is the “man in your life” performing?” i have questions in my head. i think i seriously need helps! because i cannot forget my crush who told me not to contact him any more. because i rejected him when he wanted to hold my hands and kissed me. when we said goodbye in that evening , i saw the pain on his face. i cried on the train myself. although i tried to amend it and he did not accept it well. so he did not my last text. but after 4 weeks , he replied me saying that he was not mad at me.he didn’t think i had same feelings with him and not wanting intimacy. and told me he started something with another woman but not in couple yet. at the same time, told me he hopes i am not upset and if i am ok. my question is why did he even saying this to me when he could quietly go? because i did not contact him for 4 weeks as i was very busy. i am not the person that nags a lot. why did he even need to tell me this not to contact him any more? but i still like him a lot. i felt so empty and lost something i really want. i want to know where i stand. i sent him very long message saying why i did things and what my feelings are. he never replied . what should i do? i cannot forget him. we kissed 3 years ago only once but really long before he left to another country for work. we never stopped contacting each other.i never dated any other guys because i felt there is something really important between him and me. now is it wasted all those year i waited? may 15, 2015, 7:28 am faith kandega hey eric thanks for your important advice,it has really helped me to get through the heartbreak i have.i am now stress free from every advice you give.thanks in advance and wish to learn more. may 5, 2015, 12:57 am sji eric – just to say that you make it very easy to clear away all the unimportant and damaging stuff that seeps into our thinking and to embrace ways of thinking that will bring happiness, in all it’s many forms. thank u! march 7, 2015, 10:47 pm jen hey eric, thank you, you are so on the money, it took me reading this to realize it again. tak skal du have. i have taken myself off the market for the last 5 years because of so many issues. the hard part was opening myself up and getting back into it, i did and put myself in a dumb position, wanting, needing, blah blah blah. knowing all of this from before, i needed someone to reiterate it to me. so thank you for that. jen february 28, 2015, 1:11 am eric charles thanks a lot — and trust me, it happens and it’s ok. the important thing is that you’re in a good place now. we all make mistakes… even i’ve fallen off the horse and lost perspective (and then made mistakes)… we are lucky, because we could see they were mistakes and why… and move on from it. february 28, 2015, 11:49 am rehema eric,thanks alot for this article have learned from it february 27, 2015, 4:08 am eric charles thanks, i appreciate that. february 28, 2015, 11:48 am michelle i don’t see this on the article anywhere, but when is it time to continue or leave the “chase” with a man? i’m pretty sure the feeling of being busy and occupied with other aspects of your life will keep the neediness and obsession at bay, but won’t it also prevent the woman from giving the guy a green light? (assuming this “busy with my life” impression goes long enough). february 26, 2015, 8:24 pm eric charles hey michelle, i understand what you’re asking, but we need to look at your question itself because it’s actually the perspective that’s the problem here… not lacking an answer to the questions you’re asking. your question frames the situation like a woman is inherently needy/obsessed and she needs to keep all that at bay with tricks and strategies… kind of like a volcano that’s about to explode, but right now the cap is still on the mountain… the fact is that the “neediness” or “obsession” comes from a perspective… and if you shift your perspective, the neediness and obsession disappears too… and it’s replaced by a calm, happy, enthusiastic enjoyment of the other person as they are. “neediness” is a mindset… it is the perspective that you “need” someone else to do something or be a certain way, or else you won’t be ok… as a process it looks like this: step 1) feel not-ok. step 2) believe that if he did/said something, you’d feel ok again. step 3) obsess about it, analyze what he might be thinking/feeling, plot/scheme step 4) try to gauge where he’s at / try to make him do or say what you want in order to feel ok and the silliest part of all this is that what he’s doing/saying has nothing to do with him… it has to do with how you relate to yourself… it has to do with your own ability to feel ok. the most telling thing in all this is that you were ok before you met him… you were fine! so somewhere along the line, you lost yourself in “the dream”… you lost yourself in the idea that what he does or doesn’t do has something to do with your happiness or ok-ness… and i’m here to tell you that it doesn’t. if you want to put your attention on anything… put it on your own ok-ness… you’re ok now… you’re ok with everything that’s happened up until now. you’re ok no matter what. when you’re ok, you create an opening to enjoy life… and why wouldn’t you choose enjoyment? it certainly is a lot more fun than worry or fear or self-doubt, right? nobody feels those negative feelings because they want to… they feel them because they believe there’s an unsolvable problem to solve in order to be happy or have what you need to be complete… i’m here to tell you, there is no problem and you’re already complete. when you realize you’re ok, then it’s no longer about what signals you’re giving a man… or what he’s thinking… or if you’re giving him a green light or not… it’s simply that you’re ok and you’re living a life that you enjoy… and if/when you spend time with him, it’s because you enjoy it… there is nothing more appealing… sexy… and fulfilling to a man… than to spend time with a woman who is 100% ok and simply enjoying herself… it is intoxicating and irresistible to men. that’s the perspective you want to be living from… when you focus there, you’ll never need to read another “best selling relationship advice” book again… (of course, you can always buy ours anyway… hehe) february 28, 2015, 11:48 am sue i like your advice by the way!….. very true!!…. however i must admit that some men do give the impression they enjoy the chase because when they eventually get your attention after months or even years of chasing, they seem to get to a point where they become less interested. june 29, 2018, 3:09 pm rose hi eric! i love your advices! really! lol anyway, i have a question. what’s with guys being so prideful? i mean i hate it when they use their i-can-handle-this-on-my-own-i-can-protect-you mode. isn’t it ridiculous?, claiming the problem all by their selves thinking that their being macho! hmp. february 26, 2015, 6:32 pm eric charles thank you. so wait… *all* men or just the ones you’re choosing to focus on? :) february 26, 2015, 7:51 pm eva eric, where have you been all my life?? your advice truly rocks, thanks for helping me to stop over analysing everything relationship wise, and chill out. it works. thanks again, eric! january 20, 2015, 5:20 am eric charles thanks so much, i appreciate that. february 26, 2015, 7:52 pm ann hi eric love to read what you put up i have been reading alot and helping on comenting with women who want or need help i to understand what u mean buy this if only i read this sooner before i meet my former partner december 29, 2014, 7:26 pm monarch yeah, just like a guy, “see where things go.” they fail to want to plan! so we cannot act like we’re “looking for something” or it ends. people check out cars to see how it runs, houses to see if its a good fit but — a relationship, we have to act like “there is no destination”. there’s a destination to everything we do. it would be practical to ask 101 questions on the second date to see what he is made of. 1 divorce — i’ve learned men are more complicated than they look. they want to be wooed. they get all the benefits/perks in a — marriage. if i was a guy, i would want to be married to, to the right person — one who cooks, cleans, bakes, works, does all the errands, the laundry, food shopping, what benefit is this for a — woman!! december 25, 2014, 4:49 pm ana eric, thank you so much for guidind me to a better relationship. i understand that you received thousand of emails a day. maybe you luck i will get an answer from you. my situation is: i have been communicating with this guy via text for the passed 3 weeks now. we meet on line and when we meet he was out of the country in a job assignment. he is coming back this weekend and he told me that he would like to meet me. he hasn’t made plans to meet yet . do you think is a good idea to continue texting or is better if i stop? in mingle time he sends me a lots of pictures of himself at his job. is this normal? please give me you advise. thank you december 18, 2014, 2:49 pm stasy please help me with this issue, i met a guy at a mole where i went to buy electric fan,he came to buy fans too. he gave his card and ask me to call him after which i did. on our first date he took me to his house, we just played but didn’t have sex, then after that day, he doesn’t text nor call, i was the only one calling to the extend that i asked him if he not ok with me, then he asked me to come and see him. when i came, he broke up with me, reason are that he does not want to hurt me and all of that. so i want to know what happened ? what did i do wrong? was i pushing myself too much at him to the extend of telling him how i feel about him?.. please help me december 7, 2014, 5:49 pm antonia baxter how do you tell some one you don’t want to be with the anymore with out being harsh? i truelly feel like he takes me for granted and i’m just a cleaner,cooker, etc. and their no love left, not on my behalf anyway, he’s pushed me away for to long. please help i need him out of my flat. many thanks antonia november 22, 2014, 9:36 am jessie hey, i have a question eric, i really appreciate all the motivational articles about not worrying too much about if a guy likes you or caring, that really helped. however, i wanted to know why most guys only like really thin women. i’m not skinny but im not fat either i like to think im in the middle and i have curves and all i just can’t grasp the idea of why men usually look for and like skinny women. everytime i feel like a guy is into me he moves on and falls for a thinner woman and i’m left here like what the heck. i eat healthy, i play rugby, do i need to change so men will like me. i just dont understand. november 11, 2014, 11:29 pm jonah it’s not like that for all guys. i personally don’t mind “thin” women….but i prefer women who are “soft” with curves….not skin and bones, but not obese either. would you consider marilyn monroe thin or more like you? most men would want a woman her that even today. sometimes women who are somewhat stocky but fit aren’t considered to be “feminine”. also, both men and women are usually attracted to a mate who looks healthy, it’s a primal instinct. one more thing: now you know what it’s like for a short guy who finds it hard to find a woman. a person has at least some control over their weight/figure, but nobody has any control over how tall they grow. however, for a woman it’s a primal instinct to prefer “strong/masculine” men…which short men are perceived as lacking. it’s a cruel world unfortunately for both genders. december 18, 2014, 8:33 pm shukra i met a guy on facebook in 2011 and we liked each other he live in another country we desaitet at june to see each other at august i went to see him i was with him for one week we was so happy both of as but after when i came back he davenetly changed he he started didn’t call me that much and send me a massages and startet talking about another girls who’s his neighbours last friaday night he was talking about a lady who is his neighbour he said to me she said i want you like you and i said so what and he said what is gonna happen if i sleep with her and i get so angry and said go and sleep whit her after that i didn’t talk to him he called me on saturday and sunday again i never assured his call and text me and i never text him back after that he call me again last night i was sleep so answered his call by exsident i was sleeping and i don’t know what i said to him but i just talk to him one mi nute the why i stopt calling him is i want he back and be nice to me like before i need advise what will i do november 6, 2014, 7:42 pm shukra we met at the facebook at 2011 and we sow each other by live on august 2014 til this time we was lovers november 6, 2014, 7:52 pm yvonne this is very good. it was great using an analogy to help me understand that men does not actually love the chase. because if you minus that part, i probably would not have truly understand it, and just purely memorise it in an attempt to help me in the relationship area. for the part about a relationship not being a possession, it has enlightened me greatly but need time to get used to. because a relationship has already become a label. like the thought that only when you are in a relationship then can you do certain stuffs, so people think of getting that relationship in order to achieve something that they want. i used to treat it as a possession as i have the thought that only when getting a relationship with that guy then can i feel closer to him, label him as mine, that he won’t be able to be with other girls. but i guess it’s just a fault in my way of thoughts. october 14, 2014, 5:14 pm ashley for the most part i agree with this article. the only problem with this is that too many women give too many things of value, and those things are never valued in return. to whoever reads this article, make sure that you don’t walk away thinking that you must not be valuable enough and that’s why he’s not with you. or walk away thinking that out of everything of value you that you give/ gave, none of it must have been worthy enough. what you need to know is that you are valuable just the way you are. your time alone is valuable. your thoughts are valuable. your attention is valuable… and because you are valuable, be very slow and careful to waste it on people who are not willing to pay for it in their time, attention, honesty and loyalty. be haute couture, not wal-mart. never go on sale, and don’t roll back your prices for anyone. october 7, 2014, 9:01 pm flo thank you so much eric for your emails. particularly enjoyed this article. however my situation is a bit different. in my case, the guy in question happens to be my friend for many years now who’s also seeing someone else. we only recently admitted the possibility of something more than friendship and i find myself getting ahead of myself, and hoping for a miracle. so what i’m asking is- do you have any advice for a lady in my situation. october 2, 2014, 7:00 am riya i’m not eric, but may i? :-) …. stop hoping and let your life unfold… slowly. the anxiety will kill the relationship before it’s off the ground. enjoy being with your friend and date someone else if you feel the urge. or don’t… but if you find urself waiting or wishing for your friend to break up with his woman that’s kind of ugly… and you realllllllyyy wouldn’t want to be that person :-) … keep yourself busy, there are a million fun possibilities out there to keep you engaged and growing!!!! good luck!! :-)) october 3, 2014, 9:04 am flo thanks so much raya, for your . it was a much needed douse of cold water. october 3, 2014, 5:37 pm lc i always get your emails with these little articles and i’ve never felt to comment but i really liked this one. maybe it’s because of where my mind is this week but i bookmarked it it’s so true! “people who succeed don’t focus on making someone chase. they focus on their own value, they have a clear idea of what they want and they select someone who genuinely enjoys them. this isn’t a game. it’s simple. know you have value and options, know what you want, pick one that you love and loves you back” i’m in a place where i’ve made a promise to myself what i would be my best me, i deserve the best and will not settle for bad treatments anymore, and the next man i become intimate with will be worth it and the love of my life. i know that might seem a tad over the top but i feel it will help me remain detached and date more intelligently. this frame of mind has helped me with a couple of men i’ve meet in the last 2 months. because i did not let myself be used either sexually or in any other way when their true nature or the red flags in their life started to emerge i could stay calm and just walk away in peace. of course it’s disappointing but recovery is quicker, just dusting myself off and moving on and staying happy. what that part says is so true: i don’t want to focus on making someone chase me. i want to focus on my worth, stay clear in what i what in a relationship and be with a genuine man that shares my principals and enjoys all of me not just my physical. as my favourite uncle advised me on men, if a man does not make you happy mentally, emotionally, and physically then drop him. i’ve been using this as a mantra to keep me focused when meeting and dating guys and i’m much happier! thank you charles! xx september 26, 2014, 7:12 am eliza thanks so much! i love this site, it’s like a good kick in the butt. thanks guys! september 25, 2014, 11:02 am nicole eric, you promote a lot of those chartalan ebooks that you talk about, so how can you call them crap? and as far as chasing goes, no, no one loves to chase anything, but they will chase it if they have to have it. there’s a difference. september 24, 2014, 9:52 am eric charles hey now… first off, the only people i’ve ever promoted are people i know personally… it’s true that they might have some ideas that don’t align with mine… but that’s fine… you get their perspective. that doesn’t make them charlatans — granted, nobody likes the sales / marketing messages, but i don’t have control over that part of their business… the only way i can share their material is to send people to their site and they do things how they see fit. as for your second point… well, like… that doesn’t negate anything i wrote. the question is “do men love the chase?” and my answer is no… moreover, my answer is that there are far more effective ways to build a strong, deep, amazing, long-lasting relationship than beginning it with making him chase you. getting a man to chase you might look like it’s a good thing in the short term (if you even manage to do it), but in the long term you’re sowing poisonous seeds into your relationship that will damage or even destroy things later… i advocate an approach that doesn’t involve objectifying your partner, manipulating him and devaluing actual connection/bonding. september 24, 2014, 4:08 pm jess “this isn’t a game. it’s simple. know you have value and options, know what you want, pick one that you love and loves you back. it is not rocket science, but it’s impossible if you view it any other way” i wanted quote this because it sparked a question. i know i’m valuable i know several of my guy friends would do anything to be with me especially my best friend being they have said so. so i chose to pursue him. we dated once 3 years ago but due to his ex threading our lives things fizzled. we still are close and we talk everyday that is up until a month ago. the first week went by i assumed he was busy or stressed invited him over. we had a moment where we nearly kissed an he looks me in the eyes and says wait does this mean you now have feelings too? and i said yes. he kissed me several times passionately. we hung out for hours i even made him dinner. we had a great time and when he left he said he loved that i finally felt something too and that he’d see me real soon. 3 week pass with not a word or visit. my friends fill my head with things like he’s screwing around or playing me. instead of freaking out for no reason i decided to just ask if everything was ok or if it was wrong to have feelings now. he said honestly in going to hurt you don’t waste your feeling i’m leaving in 2 months anyway. this becomes a fight. and we try to resolve it then he stops. and i wake up to him posting a fancy dinner with cheese cake and wine with bea. and it’s like ok what am i doing wrong? why didn’t this work? and at what point did i stop being his bea? i just don’t get it. september 18, 2014, 4:06 pm jen this makes so much sense! fantastic analogy! thank you! august 30, 2014, 11:03 am melissa unfortunately, the truth and fact of the situation is that when someone (we’ll say men in this instance) acquires something or someone too easily they don’t seem to value it. they may for a time (possibly the beginning honeymoon period), but it takes a very mature personality type to keep “showing up” in the relationship. some people are just not ready for this. it is nothing to be angry with because they probably do not know it about themselves to begin with. however, to ensure this does not happen to you and that you do not waste your time, i suggest getting to know them well and slowly. august 16, 2014, 3:44 pm el @ laura get outta here with your ad homonym attack and let the man speak honestly. theres no obligation to be nice, just true. Forstået? @eric please do go on…. july 30, 2014, 5:52 pm laura yes, there is an obligation to be nice.it’s called basic education,but apparently you haven’t heard of it.people like you make the world such a dreadful place.since when are manners overrated and insults,a way of expressing yourself? i’ll get out of here when there will be no more freedom of speech.got it? july 31, 2014, 1:21 am el wow eric just kicked my ass ! lol! elsker det! july 30, 2014, 5:46 pm laura right,and you hold the universal truth. i get it now.my comment was not a joke.i’m talking about being educated and civilized.other writers put as much effort in their work as you do.dismissing someone is immature.also,my opinion is not singular.other people feel the same.i’m sure other writers call your work ‘garbage’ too.oh wait.maybe they don’t. july 26, 2014, 12:52 pm eric charles i’m just a guy writing my opinion. you’re entitled to yours. thanks for the comment. july 26, 2014, 4:07 pm laura stop calling other people’s advice and ebooks ‘garbage’.it’s toxic.let readers choose what they like and what they don’t.why are other writers charlatans? grow up. july 26, 2014, 9:25 am eric charles there are a lot of crap ebooks and relationship books out there that are written by marketers and contain no valuable information. actually, worse than that: they contain misguided, destructive information. so in my book, that’s garbage. at the same time, there are plenty of excellent relationship ebooks and books out there too. i never said all books and ebooks were bad. and i never said all experts were charlatans – while they are the minority, there are some amazing relationship coaches, experts, teachers, etc. out there. i don’t understand what your defensiveness is about – you’re addressing me like this article was a personal attack to you or as if i was specifically saying the relationship book (or books) that you value are crap. i never said anything of the sort. as for letting readers choose what they like and don’t like… umm… that’s happening anyway. i think you just wanted to complain and fight… you adorable little rascal. ;) :p july 26, 2014, 11:47 am michelle i just read your articles recently and ashamedly it is as if you jumped into my head and drug out every dumb thing i have done. it all makes such sense and yet it is the hardest thing to do, especially when the heart is involved. but i am following what you say and maybe this time i will finally get it right. thank you so much! july 12, 2014, 1:16 pm dana eric, thank you for these tips. i dated a guy from match.com for a month, then he ended it. in that time however, i remember thinking … if he likes me he will call. periode. i kept it simple and it worked. not sure why he drew me in then chickened out… lol thanks again, dana june 27, 2014, 1:33 pm char hi eric! wow this was the best article i ever red about relationships so i want to thank you! it makes a lot clear! its funny coz what i want is also what a guy want (the job thing) i didnt know coz of the false msgs u’ve get from magazines etc. so im glad i red this so its confirmed from what i always knew inside so thank u so much!! ^^ june 12, 2014, 3:23 am alison for the last few months they have been a rollar coaster. the man i had a child with and i want to reconnect and rekindle. i am willing to take the risk and go all in with living together and making the time with eachother. we are both single, were kind of intimatly connected but wasn’t giving me what i wanted. so i decided to read and observe and then i stopped texting him and talking to him about the relationship, and i started dating and seeing other men, *he has a woman “friend” living with him.. yeah yeah, but we were separated for 7 years and i can’t full expect things over night* any ways.. he is interested in me. last night he wanted the party favor before the party *ie sex* i shot him down and expressed to him, remeber what i said …i stated to him.. i told you i am not giving my body away to someone that doesn’t want more then a commitment from me. (we have a child and i don’t want to go into this yo yo of were sleeping together he gets what he wants and i get nothing but when he sees our child) i told him i know what i want from him, my daughter and i want him in our lives fully, his actions and body language when hes around clearly states he wants it too.. though he is relcutant to make that life style change right now…sooo he thinks teasing is ok.. well i think i need to step it up and put him in the friend zone for a while. idk.. i know what i want and i am not really getting all of it right now and this girl is in the picture and i started dating so i don’t wait around to get my hopes up and hurt if he can’t step up.. so i limit most affection, friend him, don’t let him to in, be mystrious, show him what life is like with me with out the sex and the dreams my daughter and i have for our family to be together will become reality.. because we love him flaws and all. may 22, 2014, 7:53 am lovetta i have just recently reconnected with an old hs sweetheart. he said he loves me but his heart is afraid to say it. he was my first love even though both of us have been divorced twice. do you think he is afraid to love again? may 14, 2014, 11:34 am yys eric, i must say that this is the most enlightening article regarding relationship that i’ve ever read. the analogy used is so apt that it totally untangled my confusion about why men around me hardly proactively chase. april 3, 2014, 12:16 pm eric charles awesome, i’m really glad to hear that, thanks. :) april 3, 2014, 1:05 pm liz omg..where do you come from….? incredible i can see myself doing exactly the wrong..and wanting to read more…are you from planet earth? may 12, 2014, 9:48 pm deardarling eric, it is motivating and inspiring to read you call the things so bluntly. finally someone flushes all the bs down the drain. and btw, your the inner world of men…thank you for having the guts to opening yourself up in such a way. it really helped me understand things from a different perspective… reading you is a sanity savior. dd march 25, 2014, 1:49 pm eric charles thanks a lot, i really appreciate that. the “inner world” piece and this article are two of my favorite writings, so i’m glad you liked them too. march 25, 2014, 2:10 pm steff omg eric, this is the first time ever i read that guys do not love the chase… and it sounds totally plausible to me! thank you! march 11, 2014, 5:04 pm eric charles most people who write dating advice just repeat stuff they’ve heard or read and they’re too afraid to think for themselves… i’m tired of seeing crap advice carbon-copying itself and screwing people up. march 11, 2014, 5:19 pm stacy this article cleared up a lot of things for me. i always felt like a lot of the dating advice sites were encouraging women to play mind games and manipulate guys because they kept saying men love the chase without explaining what that means. the analogy with a lazy employee made things crystal clear in my head. men love a woman who loves herself and knows that she has other options if this man doesn’t work out. thanks for the great article. december 11, 2013, 4:38 pm lorraine umm. your article is great eric. the pitch at the end ruins it a bit for me though. first it’s: this idea of “men love the chase” needs to die…(…) but then at the end there’s a: “p.s. check out this must-see psychology secret that practically forces him to chase you, adore you and love you as his one and only… how to keep him wanting you… forever.” i love the advice you give at anm but please don’t tarnish it by endorsing “advice garbage by so-and-so-charlatan-dating-advice writers”… november 28, 2013, 3:05 pm eric charles lol, you have a point ;) november 28, 2013, 6:06 pm lizzy thank you!!! this must be the best you have written all time!! i think i finally got it…… lots of love to you, eric!!! november 18, 2013, 2:58 pm mercedes “i’m trying to untangle your mind from the psychological spaghetti this culture has convinced you is real.” ..my spaghetti-entangled mind loved that sentence. ???? november 1, 2013, 8:27 pm eric charles lol :) march 25, 2014, 2:10 pm jody very well written. november 1, 2013, 4:20 pm eric charles thanks so much. march 25, 2014, 2:11 pm bea i love it when eric rants because its always guaranteed to be a good rant lol. thank you so much eric ! you the man!! november 1, 2013, 3:43 pm eric charles glad you liked it. march 25, 2014, 2:11 pm