Spørg en fyr: Kan en pige sige 'Jeg elsker dig' først?

jacqueline watt hej min ven fortalte mig, når han er i barerne med sine venner, han ser nogle kvinder, som han gerne vil komme tæt på, men han har erektil dysfunktion, så han og jeg har ikke sex. og hver gang han ringer til mig, fortæller han mig, at han tænker på mig, han fortalte mig også, at jeg er de eneste kvinder, der kommer til hans hus, jeg talte med ham om, hvad han fortalte mig, at han ser andre kvinder, at han gerne vil komme tæt på til jeg fortalte ham, at han gjorde ondt i mine følelser, og han forfærdede mig, han fortalte mig, at han ikke ville sige, at han igen ringede til mig hele tiden, og vi går ud hver lørdag sammen, jeg har set ham næsten seks måneder, hvis jeg skulle bryde mit venskab med denne fyr og gå videre, jeg har brug for hjælp, jeg ved bare ikke, hvad jeg skal gøre, vær venlig at hjælpe mig. tak 16. maj 2019, 14:20 farida rapha tak så meget for alle disse ord ... de har virkelig øget de følelser, jeg har for min kæreste .... Jeg faldt for ham først på arbejdsområdet, men han forstod det aldrig .. han gjorde mig til sin bedste ven og kunne fortælle mig så mange ting om hans liv, hobbyer, familie, alt det der. kunne endda fortælle mig om hans tidligere kærlighedshistorier ... men så var han en meget travl mand, indtil nu er han bare en travl mand, så en gang, da jeg fratrådte arbejdet, fordi jeg havde andre ting at gøre .. han indså, at han også elskede mig straks jeg gik ... han kunne ringe til mig dag efter dag, sms og jeg følte mig så speciel, men han kunne ikke sige, at tre dømte ord ... så jeg ventede på, indtil efter to år med at være venner, var da han åbnede for mig…. og så spurgte jeg mig selv, om han kunne have haft en kæreste før, og de har slået op, at han vil have mig?… ingen kunne give mig svaret, men hele tiden havde han fortalt mig, at hver dame, han får, forstår ham aldrig, så det gav mig mod det kan være, at han har fundet ud af, at jeg forstår ham bedre efter to års venskab ... Vi er nu i ægte kærlighed, ubetinget og gudfrygtig kærlighed ... jeg elsker ham, og han elsker mig også .. så jeg vil sige, det er bedre at vente på, at fyren siger det først .... gør det for at undgå forlegenhed i hans øjne, hans venner d din 28. marts, 2019, 09:01 trish jeg har en kæreste i alaska og jeg mødte ham den 22. august sidste år et par uger senere spurgte jeg ham ud og han sagde ja nu går jeg og ham stadig sammen 3. maj 2018, 15:32 mona jeg var i en forhold til min kæreste i 5 måneder, og jeg fortalte ham, at jeg elskede ham først. det var det faktum, at jeg vidste, hvordan han havde det, og jeg ville have ham til at vide, at han betød så meget for mig. Jeg ville have ham til at vide, at jeg var forelsket i ham. han sagde det ikke tilbage på det tidspunkt, men jeg var ikke sur eller trist eller noget. hvis han havde sagt det, fordi han også følte sig forpligtet, så ville det ikke have været rigtigt for mig. vi havde samtaler om kærlighed før, og han nævnte, at det at sige, at han elsker mig, betyder så meget for ham, det var hans løfte om engagement, og han ville sige det, da han var 110% sikker på os og vores fremtid sammen. Jeg fortalte ham faktisk et par gange, at jeg elskede ham, før han fortalte mig, og det var aldrig underligt for os eller noget. foruden forholdet som helhed kunne jeg fortælle, at han elskede mig, selvom han aldrig sagde det. handlinger er højere end ord, og hvis jer behandler dig rigtigt, og du føler den kærlighed, så ved du bare, om han siger det eller ej. efter at have været hos ham i 8 måneder sagde han endelig, at han elskede mig, og han vidste, at han elskede mig i lang tid. lige siden han sagde det højt, fortæller han mig hele tiden tilfældigt under samtaler, eller når vi hænger, og hans handlinger svarer stadig til hans ord. Jeg er enig i at se på forholdet som helhed, men jeg tror ikke det betyder noget, der siger, at jeg elsker dig først, fordi eric har et punkt; At sige, at jeg elsker dig, betyder noget andet for enhver fyr, da det betyder noget andet for enhver pige. men hvis du ved, hvordan du har det med nogen, tror jeg i slutningen af ​​dagen, at de fortjener at vide det. 26. januar 2018, 12:42 lacelia jeg tror sandsynligvis rigtigt for den fyr at sige det først. men hvad hvis fyren virkelig er genert ?? 29. april 2017, 18:35 hanna omg ... mange tak for afklaringen ...! du har ret, hvis forholdet klarer sig godt, skal vi bare lade det være som det er ... efter at have læst dette, indså jeg, at de fleste fyre, der virkelig er i det, ikke 'siger' kærlighed højt, men i stedet ' ”Det hver dag, lige under vores næse. Jeg har været så fokuseret på det faktum, at han aldrig nogensinde siger ily, men nu indså jeg alle de små ting, han gjorde, det betyder faktisk stort ... og tak for indsigten i, hvordan fyre faktisk bliver forelsket. piger har en tendens til at kvæle det ned for fyre og følelsesmæssigt tvinge dem kun til at blive frustreret i slutningen af ​​forholdet ... 12. marts 2017, 1:25 am jason dette er frustrerende, fordi fyre bliver bedt om at lade pigen sige det først eller risikere at se svage, trængende eller desperate ud. og på trods af denne artikel er det sådan, jer piger ender med at se det. 2. februar 2017, kl. 16:30 prisma kaldte han mig ved et uheld sin 'kæreste', det var den sødeste ting, fordi han forsøgte at spille det cool ud, som han aldrig sagde det . vi gik på en filmdato på film, mens vi kramede os derefter en hjemsøgt labyrint og var meget beskyttende. senere spørger han ”hvad ville min kæreste gerne have det næste”? haha, jeg svarede straks hvad? og han sagde intet, nogle gange taler jeg højt, når jeg ryger haha. forsøgte han at få en reaktion ud af mig? vores handlinger viser tydeligt, at vi begynder at falde bagefter med hinanden. han prøver at være tålmodig og give mig tid. skal jeg vente og få ham til at sige, at jeg elsker dig først og gøre mig til hans idé? ! ? ! ? eller er jeg barnlig, og skal jeg bare kommunikere? Jeg er en håbløs romantiker 30. oktober 2016, 15:01 kitty hej det samme gælder for piger også jeg har dateret fyre, der sagde, at jeg elsker dig enten den første dag eller et par dage senere. Jeg føler mig akavet og undgår dem derefter i en uge og dumper dem, fordi jeg ikke rigtig tog noget forhold alvorligt, jeg ville kun have det sjovt. min forlovede lige da vi først tilsluttede mig, tænkte jeg det bare som en slynge og og han sagde jeg elsker dig, og jeg var ligesom øh he. og så tvang han praktisk talt det ud af mig. Jeg gik bare sammen med det, fordi han var god i sengen. da han bad mig om at gifte sig med mig, sagde jeg helt sikkert. Jeg regnede bare med, at du ved, at jeg bare kunne få en skilsmisse. været sammen i tre år. slags føle sig fast, han bliver alt for følelsesladet ingen vittighed, jeg sværger til Gud, det er som om jeg er tilsluttet en kvinde. for det meste med ham af vane og dovenskab. Jeg ville virkelig ønske, at jeg daterede normale fyre, der ikke viser deres følelser, fordi det er så irriterende, det er som om jeg er en magnet til svage mænd, eller min personlighed tiltrækker bare deres slags. 11. september 2016, 18:30 jessica jeg synes, at din forlovede skal forlade dig. du elsker ikke ham, du skal forlade. rigtige mænd viser deres følelser ødelagte mænd ikke. og knuste kvinder ved heller ikke, hvordan de skal håndtere deres følelser. 4. maj 2017, 00:16 fran hmmm ... interessant koncept, men jeg tror, ​​jeg er nødt til at gå med min tarm på denne. Jeg er den type kvinde, der ikke rigtig holder tilbage. hvis jeg føler noget, siger jeg det. jeg viser det. Jeg er bare ikke bange for at gøre det. Jeg sad i fire år i et forhold, hvor jeg altid var bange for at tale for mig selv, fordi fyren gjorde det meget klart, at jeg skulle handle på en bestemt måde. han opererede på kulturelt pålagte kønsroller, og til sidst fik det mig til at føle mig virkelig, virkelig forfærdelig med mig selv. Jeg følte, at der var noget galt med mig. det var først langt, langt senere, at det var et misforhold, og jeg skulle være stolt af, hvem jeg er. nu er jeg sammen med en mand, der værdsætter mig for nøjagtigt den jeg er. han tilskynder til min personlige vækst, og han støtter fuldt ud min uforskammet åbenhed. det passer bare bedre. Jeg sagde “jeg elsker dig” til ham først, fordi det tilfældigvis var, hvad jeg følte. det betød ikke noget permanent for mig - alt hvad jeg har at tilbyde ham lige nu er min kærlighed og gode intentioner. Jeg tror, ​​vi forstår dette om hinanden, og han sagde det tilbage. han sagde det tilbage og mente det. Jeg tror, ​​mit synspunkt har altid været - sig det, fordi det er for dig selv (hvad enten du er manden eller kvinden). Jeg tror ikke, du skal sige det med en forestilling om forventning. selvfølgelig er det vidunderligt at høre det tilbage - det er det, vi alle ønsker. hvordan du har det er, hvordan du har det, og skylder du det ikke dig selv at bare være ærlig med, hvordan du har det? hvis din partner virkelig er på rette vej, vil de sætte pris på det og sige det tilbage ... eller bare sætte pris på det. det betyder ikke, at de ikke elsker dig, eller at de ikke vil elske dig eller hvad som helst. det er ikke pointen. Jeg føler, at du har denne enorme positive følelse for en person, og det er ikke noget at skamme sig over. bare sig det :) 9. februar 2016, 20:29 kay i mine to sidste forhold, fortalte fyren mig, begge inden for den første måned, at han elskede mig . forholdene var begge ikke gode. der var gode ting ved dem, men generelt var de giftige for mig. hvis en fyr fortæller mig, at han elsker mig for tidligt, er det et kæmpe rødt flag for mig nu. Jeg er i et nyt forhold fra omkring 2 måneder siden, og jeg kan fortælle fyren virkelig, kan virkelig godt lide mig, men jeg fortalte ham om ”l-ordet”, der blev sagt tidligt i mine to tidligere forhold, og hvorfor det var et problem for mig. Jeg synes, denne fyr er rigtig god for mig, og vi siger det, når vi siger det. ordet har været i tankerne i et par uger nu, men i betragtning af mine tidligere erfaringer vil jeg hænge på det et stykke tid længere og lade følelsen udvikle sig. det går godt med denne fyr, som de er. Jeg tror, ​​det er nødvendigt med noget tid til virkelig at bestemme, hvordan du har det med en person, før du slår et sådant ord ud, der skal have så meget mening. 16. september 2015, 11:34 am rebecca dette er et meget interessant emne ... jeg kan se, hvordan en mand eller kvinde ville finde udtrykket 'jeg elsker dig' at have alvorlige konsekvenser for retning og forpligtelsesniveau for et romantisk forhold. Jeg kan helt sikkert forstå og sætte pris på dette perspektiv. men her er hvor jeg kommer fra. Jeg fortalte for nylig den person, jeg har et ikke-defineret romantisk tilbøjeligt 'forhold' af den slags, at jeg elsker ham. grunden til at jeg sagde det er fordi han gennemgår en afgørende fase af vækst og forandring i sit liv lige nu ved at komme sig efter alkoholafhængighed. han har meget lav selvtillid og har aldrig været i et forhold før. Jeg tror, ​​at hans familie / forældre har bidraget til hans manglende egenværdi. vi har haft en meget øjeblikkelig og dyb forbindelse, som synes at være overskridende af, hvor længe vi faktisk har kendt hinanden (ca. 2 måneder.) Jeg føler stor empati, omsorg og medfølelse for ham, og jeg elsker at tilbringe tid sammen med ham. så med det i tankerne fortalte jeg ham efter omkring den første måned at lære ham at kende, at jeg elskede ham. selvfølgelig følte han sig presset til at sige det tilbage, og jeg fortalte ham, at jeg hellere ville have, at han ikke sagde det tilbage nu (eller nogensinde), medmindre / indtil han virkelig følte den følelse for mig. han sagde, at han ikke stoler på sine egne følelser, er ubehagelig med ideen om at blive elsket af nogen og ikke 'forstår' kærlighed nøjagtigt eller hvad det betyder. for nu er det ok. Jeg fortalte ham, at jeg elskede ham almindeligt og simpelthen fordi en. det er virkelig, hvordan jeg har det. b. der er så meget negativitet i verden, der er helt sikkert værdi i at lade folk vide, hvor meget du holder af (dvs. elsker) dem, når følelsen er ægte uden bekymring for alle de underlige forholdsproblemer, der kommer i vejen (du siger, jeg kan ved aldrig, hvornår han ville have sagt det helt alene ... respektfuldt ... så hvad? jeg tror, ​​det overvurderer ting). c. i betragtning af at jeg følte kærligheden og følte, hvor meget han sandsynligvis ville have gavn af at høre det fra mig, følte jeg ingen grund til at tilbageholde det overhovedet og gav derfor det frit. selvfølgelig var det kulturelt betinget, det var lidt svært at acceptere, at jeg ikke vidste, om jeg var elsket på samme måde, og måske er jeg ikke. men der er også noget befriende ved at kunne dele den følelse for en anden uden at skulle høre den / modtage den tilbage hver gang. det er bare at lægge det derude, så det kan gøre sit gode for andre mennesker. Jeg mener hej, jeg kan ikke miste noget ved at give det væk, så jeg kan lige så godt dele det. Jeg er klar over, at dette sandsynligvis lyder urealistisk pollyanna af mig, men jeg er oprigtig. selvom han aldrig siger det tilbage, hvilket jeg indrømmer, ville være noget skuffende, fordi gensidig kærlighed er endnu mere magtfuld, føler jeg mig glad for at bidrage til hans helbredelse på den måde, hvis jeg kan. Jeg ville have diskuteret eksklusivitet, som han er om bord med, uanset om jeg har sagt det eller ej. så forpligtelsen var altid forventet og underforstået med eller uden disse ord. sådan er jeg bare sammen med mennesker. de fleste mennesker ønsker monogame forhold. og at elske ham betyder ikke, at jeg tror, ​​vi vil være sammen for evigt, eller endda meget lange overhovedet. Jeg accepterer, at folk flyder ind og ud af dit liv til forskellige formål, hvoraf nogle måske elsker, mens andre ikke så meget. at acceptere det nuværende øjeblik for, hvad det er, er ekstremt udfordrende, men også givende for dem, der kan finde ud af en måde at gøre det på. Jeg synes, du skal lade folk vide, at du elsker dem, for som det gamle ordsprog siger, er livet virkelig meget kort, og det er en skam ikke at gøre det. og du ved aldrig, hvornår du måske bringer lidt lys ind i nogens liv bare ved at gøre det. 29. august 2015, 18:41 rebecca wow.. virkelig burde have brudt det op / redigeret, ikke klar over. undskyld! 29. august 2015, 18:43 steg Jeg har for nylig fortalt min fyr på 4 måneder, at jeg elsker ham. alt, hvad han gjorde, var at røre ved min arm og sige 'det er dejligt'. Jeg føler mig en fjols nu. han sagde aldrig andet eller viste nogen hengivenhed. meget tidligt i forholdet følte jeg, at jeg følte de kærlighedsfølelser fra ham, men jeg føler dem ikke nu. Jeg kræver ikke sin tid, jeg er meget let at gå og slet ikke besidder. måske var det bare forelskelse fra ham? nu har han 'fået' mig, han udtrykker meget lidt. ???? 28. august 2015, 7:49 am dawndusk for så vidt som at sige 'jeg elsker dig' og det betyder forskellige ting ... hvordan kan det være? det er en følelse, intet mere eller mindre. det er ikke en forpligtelse. godt, okay, jeg antager, at jeg har sagt det til platoniske venner på et hjerteligt øjeblik af påskønnelse og varme, og jeg har sagt det af vane, eller fordi en ven eller slægtning sagde det først; men at sige det til nogen, som du er forelsket i på en fysisk og følelsesmæssig måde, er hvad det er ... en følelse af at du vil kramme og kysse og kæle dem og udtrykke dine følelser ved oprigtigt at sige 'jeg elsker dig.' så hvis nogen siger, at de elsker dig i en romantisk sammenhæng, er det rimeligt at antage, at de føler det, hvilket er et ønske om at kysse, kæle, kramme og udtrykke din påskønnelse for at være i stand til at føle disse ting, uanset om det er de siger det tilbage. det betyder ikke, at du vil gifte dig, det behøver ikke vare; det behøver ikke at blive returneret, men hvis det ikke er, forbliver det ikke vidunderligt længe, ​​fordi det bliver ondt. så er det simpelthen ... jeg elskede dig en gang. 19. august 2015, 23:03 eric charles det kan være, hvordan du synes om det, men prøv at være en fyr og sige 'jeg elsker dig', så senere siger: 'Åh, jeg følte bare, at i øjeblikket ... vent ... troede du, at dette indebar et vist engagement fra mig?' spoiler alarm ... ingen kvinde ville købe det ... fyre vil ikke sige det let, fordi vi er vant til at blive korsfæstet for at sige den forkerte ting eller gøre den forkerte ting, så fyre er vant til at føle, at de bliver nødt til at tage tilbage op alt, hvad de siger eller gør. Jeg siger ikke, at dette er rigtigt eller forkert, men kvinder i vores samfund lærer, at alt, hvad de siger eller gør, er ok, hvis det var det, de følte ... så ja, hvis du vil sige 'jeg elsker dig', fordi du følte at der i øjeblikket og derefter skifter mening, ingen vil korsfæste dig for det i samfundet ligesom gør med fyre ... dermed ... min artikel. nu ... igen ... jeg siger ikke, at samfundet er rigtigt eller forkert her ... hvorfra jeg sidder, jeg er nødt til at skrive artikler om, hvordan ting rent faktisk spiller ud fra, hvordan samfundet typisk er, hvordan fyre er, hvordan kvinder er, hvordan folk opererer generelt. 19. august 2015, 23:21 nthati Jeg vil med mine egne ord sige, at kærlighed er som en regn, at du måske aldrig ved, hvor længe det regner eller stopper! Jeg er i en situation, hvor jeg elsker en fyr, men jeg er ikke sikker på, om han elsker mig tilbage, vi kender hinanden ved bare at passere hinanden, vi har normalt, men vi har et bånd, hvordan jeg ikke ved, han stirrer normalt på mig eller vi rødme på hinanden, så jeg ved ikke hvad jeg skal gøre i øjeblikket, for jeg elsker ham virkelig, men jeg ved ikke, om jeg skal fortælle ham eller vente, hjælp mig, jeg har brug for råd? 27. maj 2015, 11:25 lina dette ser ud til at gøre mere med kultur. Jeg var sammen med en amerikaner i 2 år, og jeg blev virkelig overrasket over at finde ud af, at hans søster havde været sammen med en fyr i et år, og de havde ikke sagt, at jeg elsker dig til hinanden endnu. for mig lød det som et fwb-forhold, der ikke var meget dybt, men tilsyneladende for hans søster og for min eks var det et legitimt forhold. i min kultur siger mænd dig, at jeg elsker dig næsten øjeblikkeligt, og det ser ud som sådan en normal ting at gøre. Jeg har aldrig været bange for at sige, at jeg elsker dig, eller at høre det fra nogen. Jeg forstår ikke rigtig, hvordan amerikanere daterer, i den latinske kultur har vi meget klare trin. amerikanere virker for kolde, og det virker så svært at finde ud af, hvor du står i et forhold, fordi det er tabu at sige, at jeg elsker dig, det er tabu at åbent tale og spørge ting, det er bare underligt. 7. maj 2015, 10:09 am sbeijkie delvis tror jeg, det er en kulturel ting. hollænderne er heller ikke særlig udtryksfulde. mine første to kærester sagde dog 'jeg elsker dig' i den første måned, og jeg må sige, det er waaaay for tidligt for mig. det er som: ”Jeg kender næppe dig fyr. Jeg kan godt lide dig, og jeg kan godt lide at tilbringe tid sammen med dig, men det er waaaay for meget ”. det hjælper ikke, at jeg er langsom med at behandle mine egne følelser (jeg ved hvad jeg føler, men det er svært at sætte det på sprog for mig, da jeg føler, at det indsnævrer det, jeg føler for meget, ligesom ordet ikke er stort nok for at passe til det, jeg føler.) Nu ser jeg en fyr i et par måneder, vi er eksklusive, og vores venner ved, at vi er sammen, og vi fortæller hinanden, at vi kan lide den anden, og at vi savnede den anden, men nej “ jeg elsker dig ”lige nu. selvom jeg ved flere lejligheder tænkte det for mig selv, men jeg tror ikke, jeg er nøjagtigt klar til at sige det til ham endnu. 9. januar 2016, 18:13 kenedy jeg elsker dig virkelig, der kan sige 6. april 2015, 02:28 andy Jeg har lyst til, at denne artikel helt sikkert hjalp mig, jeg værdsatte især afslutningen om at tage forholdet som helhed ... jeg siger, jeg elsker dig til min mand, fordi jeg ved, det hjælper ham med at høre det, men han siger ikke det tilbage, som har været kilden til meget angst for nylig…. men jeg føler nærhed fra ham og ved, at han bryr sig, og jeg tror, ​​at denne artikel sætter den i perspektiv så langt som at tage presset af at skulle høre det. tak :) 9. marts 2015, 12:02 karen hej, jeg har virkelig brug for nogle råd, helst fra en mand. efter meget lang tid mødte jeg min mand, vi blev venner, og vi har været gift i to år. min mand er en flink mand, han er dog ikke den romantiske type, han gør ikke romantiske gestus som; kort, blomster, håndskrevne noter og andre ting, der falder ind under denne kategori. Jeg er en romantisk person, men jeg har tilbageholdt det fra ham. Jeg har købt jubilæums- og valentinkort, siden vi har været sammen (to år), jeg købte nogle flere i år, og jeg har ikke givet ham sidste års kort, endsige dette års kort. han har ikke givet mig kort eller blomster, siden jeg har kendt ham. tanken om, at jeg var den første person, der gav jubilæum og valentines kort, giver mig angst. Jeg har nøje valgt 'søde / søde / sjove-ish' kort uden ordene 'jeg elsker dig'. Jeg føler en stor følelse af frygt og angst relateret til dette emne. Jeg ved ikke, om denne frygt er fra fortiden, er romantisk kommende først eller for tidligt og senere på linjen, tingene tager en sving for det værste og ender med at føle sig ødelagt af depression / angst. 5. februar 2015, 09:55 karen bare for at præcisere, min mand har ikke sagt 'jeg elsker dig' og heller ikke jeg. skønt i den tidlige dag (vi giftede os hurtigt efter 4 måneders møde med hinanden). efter den første uge i at bo sammen, følte jeg mig nervøs i hans nærværelse, jeg sagde til ham, at du måske kan tale om noget for at tage mig fra at være nervøs, og han sagde: 'jeg elsker dig'. Jeg vidste ikke hvad jeg skulle sige, men det virkede ikke rigtigt for mig, det føltes som om han sagde det for at behage mig. Jeg sagde tak og vidste ikke hvad jeg skulle sige, det var forvirrende. efter det har han kun sagt det en eller to gange, det lød tvunget. jeg har ikke fortalt ham 'jeg elsker dig', ja alligevel endnu ikke 5. februar 2015, 10:07 joe karen taler som en fyr, der aldrig har været først at sige 'jeg elsker dig' først i ethvert forhold, vil jeg sige det er bestemt okay for pigen at sige det først. den angst, en fyr kan føle ved at høre pigen sige, at den først er rodfæstet i enten 1- en frygt for, at din gal forsøger at 'følelsesmæssigt fange dig' eller 2- en følelse af, at han ikke er i stand til at gengælde udtrykket tilstrækkeligt (dette falder ind under kategorien at høre hende 'du sagde det kun, fordi jeg sagde det først'). lidt baggrund for mig for at give dig en vis sammenhæng - jeg blev opvokset i en familie, hvor disse ord aldrig blev sagt. Jeg tror, ​​at den første gang en af ​​mine forældre sagde det til mig, var efter at jeg var fyldt 18 år og gik til college. Jeg tror ikke på mine søskende, og jeg har nogensinde sagt det. Da du er gift, virker 'jeg elsker dig' implicit i den måde, du lever omkring hinanden - eller i det mindste burde det være. det spørgsmål, du skal tage fat på, er, om du vil have dette udtrykt mundtligt, og hvor ofte. Jeg vil råde dig til bare at sige det og derefter følge op på et tidspunkt med en samtale om, hvordan du har det, og hvorfor du lige nu sagde det efter at være gift i den tid, du er blevet gift. jo mere oprigtig din forklaring jo mere vil det betyde. Jeg værdsatte altid oprigtighed, når en pige har sagt dette til mig og i hende fortalt mig, hvorfor hun sagde det på det bestemte tidspunkt. (for at være ærlig var det ikke noget, jeg havde brug for at høre, selvom det betød meget, og jeg indså, at det var noget, der var vigtigt for hende at høre). og fremadrettet sørgede jeg for at sige det, selvom jeg forklarede, at det ikke var ord, jeg sagde let. Jeg følte, at stemningen blev bedre udtrykt i mange bevægelser (små og store). ordene i sig selv var værd at sige, men ikke så ofte, at de blev tomme. håb, der gav mening. held og lykke (selvom jeg mener, at du ikke skulle have brug for det). 31. maj 2015, 23:36 caliente2015 jeg fik igen forbindelse til min første kæreste nogensinde fra gymnasiet for nylig. det var lidt mere end 20 år siden sidst havde talt. han slog mig op på Internettet og ringede. Jeg var forbløffet over at høre hans stemme efter så mange år, men endnu mere forbløffet over, at alle de stærke følelser, jeg havde over for ham i mere end to årtier tidligere, kom farende tilbage. Vi er begge skilt med børn, så timingen ikke kunne være mere perfekt til at se, om vi kan forene os eller ej. vi begge føler, at vores stier er krydset igen af ​​en grund. for omkring et år siden fortalte jeg ham, at jeg elskede ham, og selvom jeg vidste, at han ikke kunne føle det samme (vi daterede kun en kort periode i gymnasiet), var jeg så imponeret over hans svar. han var ægte og ydmyg og takkede mig for deling. han virkede så smigret og taknemmelig ... og det var et tilstrækkeligt svar for mig. vi blev begge enige om, at vi bare ville se, hvordan tingene går. Jeg er så glad for, at jeg fik mine følelser af brystet, og nu behøver han ikke undre sig over, hvordan jeg har det. hvis og når han er klar til at tage skridtet ind i et forhold (og jeg stadig er tilgængelig), ved han, at mine følelser for ham er sande. i alle mine seriøse forhold siden college har jeg altid sagt de tre ord først, og i alle tilfælde kom fyrene til sidst rundt og elskede mig tilbage, efterhånden som tiden skred frem. Jeg tror ikke det betyder noget, hvem der siger det først, så længe du er klar over, at kærlighed tager tid, og alle, som du elsker, vil ikke udvikle kærlighed til dig på det nøjagtige tidspunkt som dig. hvis du virkelig elsker personen, vil du være tålmodig og lade kærligheden blomstre i deres hjerter i deres tempo. livet er kort, og vi har ofte aldrig det samme øjeblik i tide med de samme mennesker, så hvorfor ikke tage risikoen og fortælle dem, hvad der ligger på dit hjerte. som john mayer sagde 'sig hvad du har brug for at sige.' Jeg vil personligt hellere fortælle personen, hvordan jeg virkelig har det, og kaste bolden i deres bane, så risikere aldrig at have chancen for at dele mine sande følelser. 21. januar 2015, 22:04 lorettabridges Jeg var den første til at sige det i mit nye forhold. jeg tager ting med sjov, når det kommer til ordet kærlighed. det sprang i ansigtet og viste mig, at han ikke følte det. jeg forsøgte at forklare, men han ville ikke lade mig. jeg hader mig selv for at gøre dette, fordi jeg ødelagde et forhold, der var sjovt og interessant. 9. januar 2015, 07:58 venus hej, han har sendt en sms til mig om, at han elsker mig, men aldrig sagt det personligt! så jeg ved ikke, om jeg skal være den første til at sige det personligt eller ej: s 16. oktober 2014, 23:02 dave når pigen jeg fortæller jeg elsker dig, hun siger, jeg vil tænke over, hvad betyder det? 30. juli 2014, 3:14 am kore da jeg fortalte fyren, at jeg kunne lide, at jeg elskede ham, takkede han mig for min ærlighed og fortalte mig, hvorfor han ville gøre en dårlig kæreste lige nu og ledte ikke efter noget seriøst. han var meget venlig over for mig, da jeg kom ud og fik det fra brystet, og det bandt os endnu mere, han lyttede til mig og afbrød mig ikke, men stillede spørgsmål, men var meget stille. men for sent er han blevet mere nervøs omkring mig, han ser på mig fra hele værelset og ser væk eller vil endda smile eller grine, hvis jeg fanger ham. han vil gå hen til mig, mens jeg sidder ned og bare stirre dybt ind i mine øjne og ikke sige et ord (hans elever er enorme) jeg vil finde ham altid i nærheden af ​​mig eller følger mig. han er nu blevet fysisk kærlig, varm og meget opmærksom, han har gået langsomt, men det har været støt. han var aldrig sådan før jeg fortalte ham, at jeg elsker ham. alt dette er meget nyt for mig og interessant. 27. juli 2014, 14:09 christy eric, så en fyr skal sige, 'jeg elsker dig' først, jeg får det, og sådan som du har skrevet det giver mening for mig. hvad sker der, hvis du aldrig hører det? Jeg ved, du giver råd om, hvordan man får en fyr til at blive forelsket i dig, men hvor længe venter du, hvis det ser ud til, at den dag aldrig kommer? følger vi bare de andre rådgivningsartikler på din side og beslutter, at 'i dette øjeblik suger forholdet, og jeg kan ikke nyde det, derfor slutter jeg det?' ingen lovovertrædelse, jeg ved, du siger, at kvinder ikke burde planlægge, men det er sådan, vi gør af natur, og vi ønsker ikke at spilde tid med en fyr. hvor længe skal du vente på at høre det? de fleste rådgivningskolonner siger, at hvis du ikke hører det efter ni måneder, skal du kalde det en afslutning, men din artikel synes at antyde, at hvis du følger alle dine forholdsregler ved at være uafhængig og leve dit liv, som du ikke har brug for en kæreste, så er det umuligt for ham ikke til sidst at blive forelsket i dig - måske selvom du er år inde i forholdet. er dette tilfældet? 24. juni 2014, 16:13 rubin Jeg sender en fyr i de sidste 6 måneder ……. det er lang afstand, da vi begge er i forskellige lande. han siger, at han er blevet forelsket i mig, men jeg kan stadig se, at han er på ægteskabssiden, hvor vi mødtes. tuller han rundt ?? 20. juni 2014, kl. 07.34 ruhan kandel dette tidspunkt, jeg kan lide, det er meget rart at takke gud og velsigne dig 20. juni 2014, 12:51 lu lu Jeg ser denne fyr…. godt to faktisk… ..en erklærede kærlighed fra starten… .og ville begå mig med det samme ... den anden fyr var bare en fwb ... .Jeg mødte ham først, og vores fwb-forhold var bestemt lidt mere end det, på en måde mødte jeg forældre og nære venner, og der var kvalitetstid. men med tiden brugt begyndte jeg at udvikle følelser og udtrykte nogle af dem, hvor han udtrykte de samme følelser. på grund af vores forholdsstatus og hans beslutning om at have et forhold, tillod jeg en anden fyr ind i mit rum, og da jeg trak sig tilbage. han spøgte om nogen, der tog min opmærksomhed, og jeg fortalte ja, det var sandt. han blev ked af det, og jeg forklarede, at min årsag var på grund af vores aftale som fwbs, at jeg ikke ønskede at fortælle mig, hvordan jeg havde det, fordi jeg følte, at det var irrelevant, men han sagde, at han følte det samme, og han ønskede, at jeg fortalte ham. så lang historie kort, nogle gange er du nødt til at kaste forsigtighed mod vinden og tale, hvad du føler. siger jeg elsker dig skræmmer ikke alle fyre denne regel gælder ikke for alle fyre. de fleste fyre, jeg møder, vil have mig til at elske dem, så at høre mig sige, at det er musik i deres ører. du kan også gå glip af noget særligt. 16. juni 2014, 10:32 nicole Jeg har været sammen med denne fyr, jeg har kendt i 7 år i lidt over et år nu .. vi havde en debat om telefonen over noget dumt ringede han tilbage og undskyldte. Jeg sendte ham en kort tekst kort efter og sagde 'elsker dig stadig, selvom det lød som om du var klar til at hugge mit hoved af lol', forventer jeg ikke noget svar, det var mere på en sjov måde. han skriver tilbage og siger “jeg elsker dig også” vi har aldrig sagt disse ord, så elsker han mig virkelig ??? Jeg var chokeret over at få svaret 24. maj 2014, 12:27 tes Hvis du beslutter dig for at sige det, skal du sige det på en ligetil måde. hvis du beslutter dig for ikke at sige det, så - ikke engang på fransk, mens han sover, kun for at fortælle ham senere, at du gør det, som om det er tredjeperson. 8. april 2014, 22:44 amy interessant artikel. Jeg har set en fyr i omkring ni måneder nu, og han har sagt det to gange, selvom begge gange blev sagt i en sammenhæng, at jeg vidste, at han ikke virkelig mente det. på Valentinsdag på hans kort havde jeg skrevet 'du er elsket' på fransk .... Jeg siger det til ham, når han sover, jeg siger 'jeg elsker dig'. Jeg gør det, fordi jeg er bange for, at jeg siger det, vil skræmme ham eller få ham til at føle sig presset, som jeg ikke vil have. den anden nat fortalte jeg ham, at jeg ville sige det, men jeg var bange. svarede han med bare at sige det. i answered that i say it when he’s sleeping and then asked him if he knew what it was. he answered with yes. so now i sit here and feeling like i need to say it. if i never had another chance to tell him, i would be saddened. if he never had the opportunity to hear me say i love you to him i would hate it. it has to be worth the risk. he is 41 and i am 42 and we do work together, although not directly. he has never been married, no kids and has never really been in a relationship. he doesn’t easily share his feelings and tends to use sarcasm ….i have learned to take about 70% of what he says, seriously. i have told him that no other woman out there would put up with him. the relationship is good, i am content and we are comfortable. i don’t need the words back. i am not at all clingy, demanding or needy .. .independent and don’t pressure him. are the words i love you worth the risk i could scare him or cause him to feel overwhelmed, i don’t know. april 8, 2014, 8:18 pm allisonmankin i recently said it first and he felt relieved because he was so nervous. it was the perfect timing by any means but it was in a way. i was with him staying at his parents, helping him grieve the recent loss of his sister. the day of the funeral, i told him how much i loved him. we’ve been stronger ever since. doesn’t matter who says it first. you can tell by the way a man looks and treats you if he’s in love. that’s why i took a leap of faith march 24, 2014, 9:21 am holly this is ridiculous. i said, “i love you,” to my boyfriend first. i didn’t expect a damn word back. life is short, too short to hide how you feel out of fear. i wanted him to know he was loved and he was amazing. and, even if he wasn’t saying it back, i knew we had something special. you shouldn’t say something or do something for a reciprocation. you should do it out of a genuine heartfelt feeling, it’s something selfless. in relationships it seems “advice” columns are always teaching women to be submissive yet not clingy or needy in the slightest. you’re trying to build us to be non-human entities. we are all humans. we have emotions, we have feelings and we have ups and downs. men do as well. i’ll be damned if i listen to advice telling me i should be devoid of all of that to attract and keep a mate. it’s absurd. february 10, 2014, 9:49 am eric charles lol… holy toledo… calm down!! you’re going to give yourself a heart attack… jeez. why are you getting so outraged about this? why are you projecting your opinion of my intent onto me (despite mountains of evidence to the contrary)? are you one of those people that gets off on being outraged by things? what’s really upsetting you in your life right now? february 10, 2014, 1:40 pm hannah she’s not “giving herself a heart attack,” she’s simply pointing out the blatant sexism in this article. i feel like i am reading something out of the 1950’s where women were not to be speak unless spoken to. you’re saying that women should keep their mouths shut about how they feel until it is deemed appropriate by the man in the relationship to say how they feel. “when he says it to you first, it will come across as him declaring something to you. when you say it to him, it will most likely come across as you forcing it on him,” like are you serious? when you say “i love you” to someone, it’s not forcing anything on anyone. it’s stating your affection towards someone. i feel sorry for any girl that has to date a sexist piece of shit like you. april 19, 2014, 9:56 pm mindy i agree with hannah and holly. this article was written by some control freak who has little concern for women and how we feel. the fact that the author of the article suggests that a woman who is matter-of-factly and very rationally disagreeing with him is “outraged” is also telling. any good man is not going to feel that anything is being forced upon him when a good woman openly loves him. he is going to feel proud and treat her with respect. april 30, 2014, 6:02 am grace i agree completely. i told my boyfriend i loved him, when he didn’t even believe in love! two days later he said it back. men and women both protect themselves, but a good relationship is nowhere to be shy about your feelings. ladies: say it if you feel it, and the right man won’t run. july 16, 2014, 11:34 am hardy i have been volunteering at a ‘feed the poor’ program for several years; a couple of months ago a girl came in to help, beautiful inside and outside, the kind who makes guys heads turn. she’s grounded, funny and all that. well, last week out of the blue she said ‘i love you’ … i’m not sure if she meant in in a romantic way, although the context is yes/90% (sorry for the probability math). i had no problem with than and we hugged tight and i said ‘i love you, too,’ and meant it. not in an ownership kind of way but yes, i love you in the highest love way and also the romantic in-love way. i don’t feel any pressure from either her or me. but it was great she was confident enough to say it first. and again, she can have just about any guy, so she isn’t the needy type. october 14, 2014, 1:18 am stephanie i regret not telling my ex-bf i loved him. i was following the rule that a man should say it first. we’d been dating for two years and i asked him if he was in love with me and he said he didn’t know what love was, that he wanted to say it to someone he knew for sure would be his life partner. it hurt. i wanted to know there was a future for us and that we were both committed. after that conversation i felt different about the relationship. i started to distance myself emotionally and i broke up with him. it’s been five months of no contact and a lot of self reflection. i accept that he felt i wasn’t the one for him or that he wasn’t ready to love me, i’ll never really know his reasons. but i regret not telling him he was loved by me. we are all the same, men and women, we have feelings and want to be loved. from now on i’m going to not hold back even if the relationship doesn’t last. telling people you love them and showing them you care is special. august 18, 2014, 5:13 am amy stephanie, i had a similiar situation to yours. i met this man on the internet ( not a dating web site) and he lived in another country. we had talked for 9 months and i was friends with some of his family members as well thru fb. he invited me to stay with him and his adult daughter. yes, i had flown to his country too meet him. at the airport , when we physically met, he just hand patted me on the shoulder! i just chalked it up to nerves. a few days had passed. and he was getting more distant and building emotional walls around himself. i finally confessed to him that i loved him! he said he was flattered but he preferred his company with gentlemen! i was so devestated! i cried for months after that and went to counceling. this last christmas he had texted me and said he was going back with his ex wife! so, for my sanity, i unfriended him and some of his family members unfriended me, i was really hit hard with a huge emotional loss. but i never regretted telling him how i felt about him. life is too short not to tell someone how you really feel. it maybe your last time you ever see that person again. this is a story of an unrequited love. :( october 9, 2014, 9:52 am lisa holly, i really need this right now! i have an amazing man in my life. i want to tell him. i’m divorced after 25yrs it’s been almost 7months. his wife died a few years ago. he has a 12yr.old son. my twins are in college. i know he cares a lot about me. he shows it in so many ways! i seriously think i’m in love with him. i soooooo want to tell him. i’m seeing him this weekend. i’m nervous but i’m thinking of taking that leap of faith. i don’t want to scare him off !!!! he’s scared so am i ! help thanks !! december 26, 2014, 10:22 am cyubahiro yeah u should say it out february 26, 2015, 6:52 am miley hi i’m miley and 17 . i went to germany because of my dady’s work and i have problem with my language (a little) i’m in germany for 6 months and i like a boy . in first days in school i don’t pay attention to him and i don’t know he pay attention to me or not but i went to a prom(s chool party) and he was there and when he saw me he huged me and say hi miley and i so surprised because i thought he doesn’t know me cause when didn’t speak with each other in school and he danced with me.after it we saw each other in school but we just look at each other and one day he saw that i’m but coming so wait for me and take door open since i came into school and he walked with me when we were alone in class or see each other in a place that no one was there we say hi or bye.in next prom he did like the last party too.i got a new feeling about him and now i like him and i don’t k ow why! my teacher said you can ask him that he likes u or not but we don’t speak so much just take a look to eachother ! i don’t know what should i do! i’m shying to speak with him … can you help me :( he is the first boy that i really like him.can you send me an answer thx :) january 31, 2014, 3:43 pm lam what does it mean when a guy says i’m not in love with a person? january 22, 2014, 9:44 pm lily last night after 4 month of dating i felt like i cant keep it inside any longer and i told him i love you , he says really? are you sure? and i said yes , he didn’t say it back and i wasn’t expecting him say it back just wanted him to know how i feel, we been in bed and after he just put his arm around me and was quiet …eric tell me pls what its can mean ? sorry for my english)) december 22, 2013, 10:15 am allyssa the same exact thing happened to me. it stung way more than i had anticipated. december 29, 2013, 11:21 am jennifer i have to comment here. my bf and i are 44 and 48. we’ve known each other 9 years, but have been dating for less than a year. i love him, and i know he loves me. we are happy and we are faithful and committed. we have never spoken “i love you” to one another. i know so many people need to hear those words. but i don’t. how do i know he loves me? he shows it. he wants to see me. he makes an effort to see me and my children. we go on vacations together. we spend every weekend and some weekdays together. he buys foods and drinks that i like when he grocery shops. he kisses me passionately and hugs me often. he does little things for me that i don’t have time to do myself (like washes my car). he holds my hand when we go anywhere. and i do many things for him as well. i think some men don’t really feel comfortable saying the words, but a man will gladly show you how much he loves you. just try not to miss the forest for the trees. =) august 16, 2013, 2:49 pm pam after reading this article and then the comments,i’m more confused than ever. i’ve known the guy i’ve fallen deeply in love with for over 3 years now,off and on.these feelings scare me more than i can say.when i realized i was in love with him,it hit me like a ton of bricks.my first thought was ‘no way this is happening’.he was always quiet until today.it was like a dam breaking inside him,i was amazed at how he opened up,i could barely get a word in edgewise,and the way he would look at me sent a message he definitely had feelings for me,too.i also think he is as scared as i am.he’s a good man,and he can’t seem to do enough for me.i met him at a flea market and found out he lives almost 3 hours away from me,but he wants to make the trip to spend time with me.i still don’t know whether i should tell him i love him,or wait for him.my intuition tells me he has strong feelings for me,but at the same time,i can’t get it out of my mind that he had told me 3 years ago he didn’t want a serious relationship.i just don’t know.i do want to tell him i love him,but i’m so a fraid to,i don’t want to scare him off. i’ve never been good at hiding my feelings. i’ve always been open,so this is something new for me.i don’t know what to do.do i wait for him,or do i tell him how i feel? july 9, 2013, 9:50 pm vanessa honestly, guys are so difficult to understand! what if you have a great relationship (met our families, spend most time together, etc. )with a great guy, but it’s been more than a year without him saying “i love you”? april 28, 2013, 2:23 am jennifer eric here is a scenario jorge and i while working at a certain company and that was 2003 we became friends, then we started moving out together, but our relationship is funny, jorge is cuban and am ugandan his parents live in cuba and only had uncles here, before we met he had a girl friend and they broke up but at the time of their breaking up she was pregnant. he was confused because it was the least bit of responsibility he expected at the time and then his work wasn’t so well paying. he was actually confused although from the look of things, had his act together as a man. and for me then i was still pursuing my undergraduate degree, i also needed to have my stand as a graduate looking for a job and be independent. we became intimate friends with no benefits, but respect each other alot until now, he moved to another country for work but comes back home for holiday often. at some point i got a boy friend and he got a girl friend and both our relationships failed. and both of us knew what was going on in the others life. here is a scenario we still feel the same passion for each other like we did when we first met i know i love him, but how do i tell that to him, cos its killing me inside. october 19, 2012, 6:13 am mmartin i’m a guy, i’ve been in a couple long term relationships, that involved the word love. love is a powerful word to a womans heart, if she has feelings for you i would like to have one say it to me first.. but only if i’m pretty sure she does love me, because for me life isn’t about games it is about moving forward and writing our future together, it just so happens an amazing woman has come into my life… she recently told me that she loved me… i really thought about her telling me for what felt like 5 or 10 minutes before i actually understood someone did love me with out me having to put it on her. so call me immature or young. be have it, its actually amazing to be loved first, in my male perspective. we are all different, with some similarites… :) october 8, 2012, 11:38 pm angus this article is right on the spot. don’t think, just go with the flow. whatever happens goes to show how mature a relationship really is. there is bound to be a partner that has the maturity that you want. the key is look at the big picture and ask if this is where you hoped to be october 3, 2012, 11:44 am tânia what if your in a relationship for quite a while, lets say a few good months, happy months, and you feel like saying it and sharing that, and you feel like he wants to say it too but seams to also be waiting for something? then what? im trying to be the strong one here, girl power, and let him move first, but sometimes it hard, sometimes i just want to scream it to him, let it go, as if it will release me… but… no! im waiting for him to say.. good call? june 8, 2012, 9:40 am tania well he said it first and it was a good call, normally we girls are afraid of taking things too fast, so its good to wait and let the guys be ready for it… its a dangerous spot, because you want to say it and for it to be said when it really means what it means! i feel that now a days people use the word i love you so banally that it takes all the magic out of it! so i’m glad i waited! :) in the end i actually took more time to say i love you to him.. i think it was a self preservation mode i put on, since i’ve been hurt so many times as any girl or boy. april 28, 2013, 1:45 pm alice is that really what goes in guy’s heads? “if i say it, it means x, but if you say it it means y”? that’s childish. it’s not fair to have to have to bottle up your feelings because a guy is going to forcefully misinterpret them. june 5, 2012, 10:50 pm miriam alice, i agree to a great extent becausef a person whether male of female, will simply know when it is the right time to say it (when it is okay to say it). they go based off of what they are feeling. they ( a girl – or a guy) would not say it if they were not sure that the feeling was mutual. feelings are intuitive. they are important. miriam september 24, 2012, 1:03 pm miriam alice, i agree to a great extent because a person whether male of female, will simply know when it is the right time to say it (when it is okay to say it). they go based off of what they are feeling. they ( a girl – or a guy) would not say it if they were not sure that the feeling was mutual. feelings are intuitive. they are important. miriam september 24, 2012, 1:04 pm judel i have been friends with this guy,we have been good friends for 5 months..and he cares about me and he is always there for me to help me even if i wont ask for his help. i love him so much and am dying to know if he loves me too,i once asked him if he has a girlfriend and said no…when i text him ,he always replies..sometimes i may not call him to see if he make the 1st move and he does,i just don`t get cause he shows signs that he is into me but he won`t just say it..one day i asked to go out with him he said he couldn`t i didn`t wanna pull pressure on him so i kept cool..i feel like i should forget about him and move on with my life but i can`t..i tried not to call /text him but he would call if i don`t.what should i do,cause am tired of waiting for a man to tell me if he loves me,cause he may not .and if i move along with another guy ,i may be losing my true happiness if he loves me too.and if he doesn`t love me,why does he keep on showing me that he does..?why don`t he just spill out that he has some girlfriend to show that he just want us to be friends. may 16, 2012, 8:12 am diana go for it gal!think he is jst waiting for you to show response. may 18, 2012, 9:56 am tânia how did it go? did you tell him? want to know if it work out! anyway if you didnt yet, think like this, you have nothing to lose by saying that your interested on him as more than a friend, dont say i love you already, cause that would just freak him out… just say your interested in something more, and if he says no then maybe u can stay friends or just move on. good luck* june 8, 2012, 9:37 am rebecca wyatt ‘if you say it first, then it’s like you’re forcing that implied commitment, in a way. and even if a guy does love you, he will feel to an extent that he’s being pressured. ‘ oh no, oh no. it’s so hard to understand you guys… your head and heart is a dark and deep forest. we are probably really from different planets. may 11, 2012, 6:21 am paul oh for the love of god ive read that guys shouldnt say it first because theyll lose their dominance and girls shouldnt say it first or else the guy will run off but really these games are so juvinile who gives a damn who says what first and why peace love and unity man november 27, 2011, 10:14 am eric charles haha… believe me, i hear you. . listen… i’ll tell you a secret about a lot of the articles i write. . it’s usually never a matter of “technique” about who should do what, when, etc. . it’s dumb, but most people want technique-advice. “do this and you’ll have ever-lasting love, etc.” . you know what the real secret is in relationships? . becoming a master of your own emotions. . doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman. most people want to be slaves to their own emotions… they get irrational, make poor decisions and then get caught up swirling in a pool of emotions, unable to escape. . blindly following every emotion that floats through us is a surefire way to land in hot water with relationships. . if you look at everything i’ve ever written, i will usually pander to the “gimme how-to advice” crowd at first, but then explain that ultimately it’s a matter of emotional maturity and perspective. hope that makes sense… november 27, 2011, 12:45 pm nicole there is also the “i feel” advice out there too. being transparent. i do agree with this article in my present circumstance. i said i felt like i was falling in love for the first time (i also am surging with bonding hormones mind you) guy freeked out, and is running. should not matter how i feel versus how he does. he can feel how he wants to feel; however, don’t say one minute that there is a connection then say there is no connection the next. august 27, 2013, 12:56 am greg yeah but i mean all of us are egotistical and want the girl to say it first. we try retain dominance when we can, sometimes it is not the case. funny thing is, i had a girlfriend and it was complete puppy love, i thought i loved her but i never said it because of my ego. i wanted to wear the pants in the end hahah december 6, 2011, 5:23 pm debbie i will never hide my feelings. if i feel it i am going to say it. if i feel something and don’t say it, that’s playing games. i said it free of any expectation, not to hear a return response. if in time the feeling isn’t mutual, i will know i gave my all and he just wasn’t the one for me. november 25, 2011, 12:20 pm rachel i agree. i wish women would just stop over analyzing and just do it. stop worrying about the consequences! july 21, 2012, 10:29 am tes it’s clear to see if a guy isn’t in love with you. picasso once said, “women are either goddesses or doormats”. separate of rules or who should say it first….take time to notice what’s happening. if the indicators are there that he doesn’t love you, don’t say it! if the indicators are there and you are denying them, don’t say it! but if you do …(i like what kate said)…and he doesn’t say it back for whatever reason let that then be the indicator! enjoy yourself, but be honest and leave when it’s apparent it’s not equal! that is the one and only time he’ll take a second look …either a goddess or doormat. november 25, 2011, 11:35 am eric charles picasso really said that? if so, that’s one hell of a quote. . and i agree… but i have a very wide image of what a goddess is… . these days, lots of girls would equate being a goddess with being a diva. that would be… a mistake. :) november 25, 2011, 1:31 pm debbie @ montana…the situation with my boyfriend is this: before he met me he was totally in love with this woman. they hadn’t seen each other for years and then got back together and picked up where they left off. he rushed into using the “l” word and it is plastered all over one of his facebook pages. imagine how embarrassing for him that the moment he was ready to pack up his life in another state to move to be with her, she put on the brakes. she did this twice, and it broke his heart. i told him i love him and he said he can’t say it yet. after knowing what i know about this, i don’t blame him one bit. i really do love him and can read between the lines, and because i really do love him am willing to give him the time until he’s ready. i believe he feels it but is afraid to commit in words just yet. maybe your boyfriend has similar reasons. just an idea. november 25, 2011, 10:42 am montana i have been with my boyfriend for a little over 9 months now. neither one of us have been married before. he’s 41 and i’m 34. we spend just about everyday together. we go hiking, movies, dinner and trips. i attend all of his family functions, holidays, birthdays, etc. we have so much in common and really enjoy each others company. our relationship just comes naturally and easy to us. he has never told me he loves me and i have never told him but those emotions are built up inside of me so much that i feel like i’m going to explode if i don’t tell him how i feel. i keep telling myself, “todays the day i tell him” i find myself not having the courage to say it. why can’t i say it? why hasn’t he said it? don’t you think by 9 months he’d be saying it by now? november 24, 2011, 3:30 am debbie one website says the man should say i love you first and another says the woman should. who’s right? november 23, 2011, 7:33 pm deependra soni i love you osheen ever october 25, 2011, 6:40 am barbie i think more importantly is to ask, why am i saying i love you? a lot of people express this for reassurance and have expectations. i thin personally i will wait for the guy to say it first. in the mean time, actions speak louder than words. i think a man will better appreciate my expression of love through actions rather than words. october 15, 2011, 5:10 pm unknown i think it should be from men first..coz usually men fall in love first..or even ask a girl first..not girls ask….then then man would feel the ” love ” first..the “i love you” it self makes the girl fall in love 2 … so they will be 2 in loves..and the i love you would be the way of ” love by 2-sides” october 13, 2011, 7:11 pm christina i think a lot of the premature “i love you’s” might stem from security issues. i can’t speak for other women out there, but for me, i’m constantly worrying about making him as happy as he’s making me, or showing him how happy he’s making me, and the easiest way to go about it is to verbalize it. the problem with i love you is that it means so much, especially when we say it to someone else. i mean, i can love my cat, my house, even the chinese leftovers in the fridge, but when i tell him, the word somehow gets heavier. it’s like it takes on a responsibility of sorts, an obligation to both you, the giver, and your significant other. it’s not about power per se, but… ah, how do i explain this. alright, i once had a boyfriend back in college who said those three words way too soon. as in we were only dating for two weeks kind of too soon. i was not in love with him. i mean, i liked him well enough, but after he said that and i wasn’t ready for it…well awkward is not a strong enough word. so why do we say it? neediness? lack of self-confidence? another boyfriend of days past didn’t say it until almost a year after we had been dating just because he was afraid i would reject him somehow or that i wouldn’t feel the same way. meanwhile, i didn’t want to say it too soon either, afraid of freaking him out the way my previous boyfriend had done to me. so when is a good time to say it? do you wait for him? my experience has been that girls want to say it first for emotional stability or whatever reasons they have. but before you do, dig deep inside yourself and make sure you are saying it because you want him to know and not because you want to hear him say it back. you have to have enough confidence in yourself to accept that he might not be ready to say it, and you have to be mentally prepared that he won’t return it. a lot of times it is just easier to wait for him to say it first just so you don’t have to worry about coming off as needy or clingy or whatever. just remember he might be going through the same thing as you too, wondering about timing and such forth. what i recommend is dropping hints here and there (but not too many or too obviously!) just so you can get a feel for what he is thinking. really though, don’t sweat about it. when you, as a couple, are ready, it will come out then you can breathe deep and not have to worry about it any more. september 17, 2011, 2:25 pm chrysanthemum wow! now that was a refreshing answer – and coming from a guy. i like how your (eric) article (can a girl say ‘i love you’ first?) is not defensive. it’s fair and sensible. i’m smiling. well, my guy (i mean “just friends”) hinted all kinds of love stuff by writing between the lines (potent love songs included) and when i finally figured it out, i replied by doing the same and made the mistake of answering one of his requests with something about “missing” him and i haven’t heard from him since. otherwise, we had a very trusting and sharing “relationship” (i guess i’m not supposed to say that word either). but anyway, being a girl, do yourself a favor and don’t let him know “how much you love him” until he can actually share how much he loves you first! he just might not be ready. now i have to figure out how to get him back…or give him up! either way, it’s really hurting. okay, so he’s an introvert and needs his time and space…whatever… august 29, 2011, 7:01 pm tes i commented a while ago…i said i love you first….and wanted to write again to let you know where i am. i have really learned a lot and thank you for your comments. i made a mistake by doing that. granted saying it first is not necessarily a bad thing–expressing yourself is great– but often saying it quickly (ie: first) is a signal of an unhealthy mindset. my boyfriend broke up with me in november 2010. we had a great relationship but in truth i was needy. we did a lot together–running, riding, cooking, talking, movie going, dreaming… so breaking up also represented loss of a friend. when he asked me to stay his friend, it was a tough decision. ( this could easily be it’s own blog subject!) . anyway, i had to dig deep for my answer…over time, i agreed but had to fully “commit” to friendship in my head/heart (meaning no agenda). this required and continues to require huge discipline on my part! the undertaking meant i had to “go in” balanced and stable –this propelled me to have a full life, care for myself, sleep well, eat well, pursue personal interests, read, have friends, etc. etc. i did that to be successful in friendship and ended up with great love. the irony now (almost a year later) is we’re very close….not because i force it or because i title it so, but in truth. he is very open with me, very loving, very attracted to me ( i can tell, but i don’t hedge on that ). he often initiates, and speaks in terms of forever..he smiles, is affectionate, attentive and responsive. so by caring for myself, focusing and respecting myself i got to love–in this case a good friendship but my life is better, i feel strong, and in this place, looking back, i can imagine saying i love you, but not like i did/when i did. i consider this a life lesson. i suggest, ask yourself before you say “i love you” spontaneously, who are you to yourself, how’s your life, what is your purpose and if any issues come up address them from a position of self-love. august 13, 2011, 9:31 pm sandara your right there is no rules for the word “i love you” but you have to look deeply inside to see that, when a female say it first she is going all the way in with her all heart. she is putting her best love on the field for him. by her saying “i love you” first when that time come for the realtionship to end, she will be stuck crying simply because, she said ” i love you” first. the reason for that is because, she thought it was love, not understanding her partner feelings fully. when a guy say “i love you” first it mean so much more then a female saying it, he have a understanding of showing his true feelings with you when your around other people, he can connected to you on another level that he thought would never happen… i perfer for the male to say it first because, it shows me that he is serious, it would mean so much more to me that i am the love of his life. if females would understand and take their time understanding males you would have a lot better realtionship and a lot better of the word commitment… august 12, 2011, 7:46 pm stephanie i’d with the guys saying it first. i think it takes the pressure off women and the risk of getting rejected and humiliated for saying love and guy not saying it back. july 20, 2011, 9:32 pm kain hi i think its a croc of shit i love you can be said by who ever me i liked saying it cause i loved showing how i felt but id be more then happy for a woman to say she loves me but i gess im just a freak i think it should all be equil no rules nothing just love between 2 clean and simple june 14, 2011, 8:37 am frances cooper does it mean anything when a man goes from say that i love you to love you? april 27, 2011, 6:56 am jill ok so a couple years ago my ex would say he loved me and i figured out afterward he was only using it to manipulate me. he said it first after two weeks of dating and swore he meant it. i said it back and i didn’t really mean it but that was two months later because he kept saying it. i had a talk with him but he kept swearing that he was in love. i said i loved my current boyfriend last night first, for the first time, and he freaked out, and never sid anything back. but hes still talking to me. we have plans for tommorrow, and i don’t think hes going to leave me, he’s just not there yet, and i have no problem with saying it becasue i mean it. while i was concerned with his reaction i didn’t mind that he didn’t say it back. i want him to mean it, because i do. my ex said it early, and soon he didn’t love me anymore, and i really doubt that ever loved me at all. when a guy says it first sometimes it can mean they have a hidden agenda. i think having a connection and truly caring for another person is what matters not who says it first. march 15, 2011, 11:42 am joyxx my situation: i was very nervous and scared. what if he backs away and pushes me away? but in the back of my mind i know he’s not going to do this. because he would have by now because how i feel is so damn obvious. you’d have to be deaf, blind and dumb. so i was a nervous wreck when i got on web-cam with him(ldr). i find this kinda humorous. after a long time trying to say it to him, i finally said it! i covered my face and lowered my head. he very tenderly says why are you hiding from me? is this what you’ve been worried about? you’re silly. i told him ive been wanting to tell him for so long now. and i didn’t need to hear him say it until he was ready to say it. i believe i chose the right time for myself to say it. i know he’s not ready to say it which is fine by me, because his actions speak volumes!! i think he will be saying it very soon. december 13, 2010, 9:13 pm justme tes, i think you gave him no opportunity to say it. when you did say it, instead of just letting it hang in the air, you told him “and i hope to hear it from you someday” to avoid being rejected by him not saying…but then again he might have said it. the focus went on not him saying it back but that it will be a big deal. and when you asked him to agree with you that you put too much pressure on him. hvad betyder det? you didn’t even let him finish. i wouldn’t consciously make an effort to “pull back.” i would just treat him like you always have treated him and don’t bring up that you pressured him or you act like you waiting for an answer. eventually, down the road, if he brings it up, don’t jump on him – let him talk. october 9, 2010, 3:04 am tes i google searched, “what does it mean when a guy says i care about you very much” and i came across this website and read the advice on can a girl say i love you first. i liked the advice–this website’s great! i took away a couple things: 1) if the relationship is going generally well, the guy’s satisfied and doesn’t place a lot of importance on the words i love you. that makes sense in the context of my relationship and speaking of context….2) context matters! so here’s the context to a question (or two) that i have: my boyfriend and were introduced by a mutual friend who used to run with each of us (separately) and connected us to expand our running circle. we ran a couple times and then met for a glass of wine, then dinners, running, skiing, snowboarding, (amazing sex), climbing, camping, short trips…and now holidays and family affairs too for a year now. wow. can’t even believe it. we smile when we’re together, are very compatible, bring each other new perspective which is fun, and have a lot of passion (still) too. it’s pretty awesome. we’re exclusive–that i know because we’ve had that conversation, and we see each other 2-4 times a week-altogether seems pretty “real”. i’ve never pushed to define it otherwise-nor has he, we’re generally just happy together and left it at that…..until… the problem. i did actually say i love you first (last night) and he didn’t say it back…:( it gets worse. when he didn’t say it back, i said you don’t have to say it tonight but someday tell me you love me… : l we woke up this morning together and either i just imagined it or it seemed like there was a lot of pressure in the air. uugh. i wished i didn’t say it at. until that everything was easy, sexy, and even goodbyes were smooth. well so i talked to him tonight and i said i think i put a lot of undue pressure on the relationship “by asking you to say you love me”. i said would you agree? (to the fact that that placed pressure on it) and he said yes. then he said, “you know i care about you very much”…. i said you, “it doesn’t matter” (it was a gut reaction –i don’t know why i said that ). he said, “i hope it matters, that matters to me” i said “you don’t have to say that”. he said well i do. question 1: what does i care about you very much mean in this context? question 2: i’ll probab ly pull back a bit now–be the same person, but won’t be saying gushy comments anymore. is that an appropriate response or is it defensive and immature? question 3: how long can a relationship be generally good (very good) before a guy wants to say i love you? october 9, 2010, 2:38 am hoope first of all thanks alot eric..and for everyone who posted a comment and added alot. i have been so long googling on this subject.. until i got this site.. and am so happy i read the article.. am going through a stange relationship…. and i was so confused of whether to say i love you or not.. and i hesistated alot.. yet its to complicated .. however, thanks god .. i didn’t and i will wait for what happens next.. and as you said it not gonna cange anything.. and i don’t want to force him on anything. thanks again.. for making it so clear.. august 14, 2010, 2:04 pm eric charles hi nikki, . i appreciate your comments. . there’s no rule that women have to wait for the man to say it first or that it’s destructive or anything like that. . but i would say that a lot of women who say it first do it and then later regret it since they start to wonder: “when would he have said it if i didn’t say it first? would he have said it? does he really love me or did he just say it because i said it?, etc. etc. etc.” . if you’re secure and experienced, you’re right – this is a non-issue. but there are plenty of people who aren’t always 100% secure 100% of the time… and for that reason this is something good to consider. . as for homosexual couples, this still applies. actually, i’m glad you brought up the point because what i am saying here has much more to do with personality tendency and less to do with being male or female. . on the other hand, i would be lying if i didn’t say women typically have this tendency far more in heterosexual relationships than men. there are exceptions and i am acknowledging that. but i think you would agree that *typically* the scenario i described is more of a trap for women than men. april 25, 2010, 12:35 pm nikki i honestly don’t think we can make blanket statements about how to handle expressing ‘i love you’ between two people. what about homosexual relationships? who says it first, the woman or the woman? the man or the man? lol. as for relationships between men and women, i’ve found that a lot of men are afraid to say it first…hah. my current bf said to me: “it’s the woman’s job to say it first.” i don’t know where this whole “wait for the man to say it first” came from. i think it’s ridiculous. it doesn’t matter who says it first, just don’t be stupid about it and make sure the timing is right. why should the woman wait? not all women are insecure and need the “reassurance” of a man who says i love you first. then again, i’m not the type of woman who says i love you to guys not even 3 weeks after knowing him. i wait…and i make sure he deserves my love before i open up my mouth (even if he happens to say it first). april 25, 2010, 9:11 am ronnie for me it doesnt matter who said it first… i guess a guy can simply say that girl proclaim her love first is they feel that girls manipulating a guy, i think no why? because we have different level of standing in a relationship. if you cant simply say it in return then don’t at least you know where you stand in a girl that you love most. why wait for the special occassion or time when to say this… after all if that time does not come anymore (or if one of you gone forever in this planet earth :-( that’s a more regretful mistake you have ever done in your entire life. treat everyday as special day for your love and make him/her feel that special feeling you have . coz at least in the end you can utter this words what if? & if only? thats more painful when you dont express your self to the one you love and now all too late… march 16, 2010, 3:49 am justme i was the person who asked this question. i just wanted to report that i ended up saying it. i only said it in the past few weeks, though. he was very happy that i said it. he already knew that he loved me and i loved him. because i was so nervous, the topic did come up that i had been waiting for the right time because i didn’t want to mess up, and he told me that he would have loved to hear it long ago, but now was equally as great – it was worth the wait. it was one of those cases where both of us felt it, but no one made the move. now he says it to me all the time :) i would say if your relationship is brand new – don’t do it. i agree with you still, eric, about taking things in context. this is sort of a relationship where we were both sort of blown away by eachother/swept off our feet/felt this relationship was a definite game changer in our lives from the get go. but if someone is barely getting a pulse from a guy – i would say hold off. february 19, 2010, 10:14 am lau yawn. what’s more interesting is how girls use indirect action to manipulate guys. november 8, 2009, 7:40 pm cordelia peace* november 4, 2009, 10:49 am cordelia the very first time i’ve been on this site, and this post blew me away! this post is greatly appreciated, it has given me a different point of view to think about, and i ultimately reached a certain piece of mind by the end of the article, and all the comments. i couldn’t add anything to the discussion, but i wanted to let you know… thanks so much. i hope you have a beautiful day! november 4, 2009, 10:49 am kate thank you :) something i was wondering: you say that men say ‘i love you’ only because they know it matters to the woman. this statement caught me by surprise. (i’m not saying that it isn’t true, of course; i’m not a man and cannot claim to know all the inner workings.) just in my experience, when male friends talk about their saying ‘i love you’, it is more or less a story like this: ” we were spending time together, and she said something/ did something so great/funny/… that i couldn’t help saying it to her”.. which, if i interpret correctly, would mean that the men were not thinking of how much it would please the woman to hear it – they just couldn’t help saying it when confronted with their strong feelings. this could be a misinterpretation or romanticizing on my part. but i do wonder if men say ‘i love you’ for the sake of expressing themselves, rather than for the sake of the woman. july 2, 2009, 5:52 am eric charles yes, let me clarify. men say “i love you” because we know that women like to hear it. that is not to say that a man doesn’t feel a tremendous amount of love for his woman if he doesn’t say it. i agree with you that guys have stories like this about saying i love you and how they couldn’t help but to say it. and yes, it’s absolutely a way of expressing how we feel. the point i was making is that it’s one way that a guy expresses his love, but it’s not the only way. even when a guy is completely infatuated, smitten, enamored and “gaga” over a woman, he still has his own definitions of love and his own way of expressing long. there was definitely times in my life where i had been so in-love that i couldn’t help but say it to the girl i was with. but as time goes on, i’ve become much more reserved about when i say it in a relationship. i do not say it as easily or freely. it definitely does not mean i don’t love the girl very much. but it’s a matter of expression and life experiences, history, etc. that can make a guy more reserved about when and how he says it. again though, it’s not to say that what you’re talking about doesn’t happen or that it’s not real or anything like that. i’m just saying that it’s not the only way. what is most important is his feeling towards you and the depth of the relationship itself. july 2, 2009, 10:55 am kate this has been interesting to read. eric, i highly appreciate your tactful, concise and analytical approach. the different possible meanings of the word ‘love’ is a very tough question. the problem is, i think, that deep down most women don’t want to hear ‘i love you because you are (nice, beautiful, loyal, smart)…’, but ‘i love you in spite of everything (for no logical reason – i just know you’re the one – etc)’. i think this is behind many women’s question when they ask if their boyfriend ”really loves” them or not. from personal experience, i have been in a relationship where my boyfriend told me things like ‘i was a great match’, or compliment me on my looks and personal traits. the problem with this is that it just comes across as way too dry – i wanted to hear how he wanted to be with me in spite of my flaws, not only because of my positive traits. i think many women – and men – need their romantic partner to provide something that’s ”special” in their lives. – it’s great when your boss compliments you on a great report, or when your teammates congratulate you on a good game. but with a partner, you need to feel that you are special to them in full, that they would still want you if you made a mistake or many mistakes, would stick by you through thick and thin. that’s probably how i’d define the kind of ”real love” i personally would want my man to tell me about. just a (long-winded, sorry) thought. june 30, 2009, 5:27 pm eric charles kate, great comment. thank you for saying this, i think you you make a really good point and you said it beautifully. i agree entirely. july 1, 2009, 11:52 pm cal i’d say from your question you are putting way too much time into analyzing this. relax. love is a word, in this case expressing our best and most complex emotion. if you are the type of person who can be happy knowing you might love someone who might just not be there yet with you, say it. the way the person handles those words may actually tell you an awful lot about them in the long run. june 17, 2009, 12:31 am eric charles to sarah: agreed… and well said. i am glad that people are commenting on this because this bring a community of people together to weigh in on an answer. tak! june 4, 2009, 10:19 am eric charles to peaceturkey: i agree with what you’re saying. let me clarify something about ask a guy: when i’m answering the question, i’m talking to the woman and the audience who is asking that question… but i am not speaking to “all women” or making a generality about all women. the women who this answer doesn’t apply to wouldn’t be asking this question. everyone is different. and for every woman who has asked me relationship question she is struggling with, most of the time i have had guys ask me the same question. so, to me, the gender of the person does not matter to me nearly as much as the question itself. the question itself exposes what the person asking is probably experiencing internally (their fears, frustrations, confusions, etc.) as well as what they are probably seeking in their relationships. also true that not all guys will run or fear commitment. but if the woman who’s concerned about this is the type of woman who would later ask herself, “does he really love me or did he just say it back because i said it to him first?”, then that’s a woman that should just wait. it’s a personality thing, not a gender thing. i appreciate your comment and i hope i clarified where i’m coming from… i’m taking note of what you said here for future posts. june 4, 2009, 10:17 am sarah ok i’ll admit it, i said those three words first. did it freak him out, no. yea he didnt say it back, which was a good thing becuase he wasnt ready. when he was ready he said it. and if i guy just says he loves you because that was we want to her, i’d rather not hear it. when your man says ‘i love you’ a well-observant woman will now if he does or doesnt mean it. if you dont, then pay more attention to your guy. every relationship is different. who cares if a chick says it first. if you say it and he doesnt run away, good. if he stays around, hes in the relationship because he is on the verge of love, he just may not be able to say it yet. june 3, 2009, 12:52 pm peaceturkey both this post and the comments all make one general assumption – that women are needy, clingy, emotional violatile creatures in need of constant validation of both themselves and their relationships. let’s break out of this stereotype, can we please? i like the “ask a guy” section of a new mode and generally agree with the advice you give, eric. this time though, i don’t agree. not all men are terrified of committment and love and saying “i love you” first. and not all women are dying for their partners to say it first so they can immediately come back with an “omg i love you too! yay!” let’s not pigeon-hole men and women into neat little stereotypes. every relationship is different. and blog posts and comments like the ones i’ve read here only reinforce this emotionally delicate, cloiying type of woman that we are all apparently supposed to be. june 3, 2009, 12:43 pm kim i’m a female and “too late i said it first!” i was going out of my mind tryin to keep it in..whether or not he said it didn’t matter, cuz he now knows how i feel and there was a great burden loaded off me. he hasn’t said it back, but it seems that know that i’ve said it, we are even closer.. september 21, 2011, 7:49 pm antonella @kim i did the same thing… i said it several times in our last meeting.. he kept smiling and shared most of his life stories with me and kissed my hands before leaving. we agreed to stop writing as i was a married woman. and he died suddenly and i still do not know if he ever loved me! i suffer every day and night and don’t know how to forget him. december 18, 2011, 11:36 pm eric charles you said it a lot better than me. :) 100% agree. may 31, 2009, 10:14 pm sockstar for safety’s sake, the guy should just say it first. i advise this on one notion: that girls will dissect absolutely everything to no-end. and this will leave out the indelible question, “did he mean it? or did he say it because i said it first?” let him say it. no questions. sorry, but guys are more apprehensive and less apt at commitment than we ladies. i personally think it’s a big deal to them and means a lot when they can throw their hearts on the table. and though i may grow impatient, i will wait any day to hear that. may 31, 2009, 10:01 pm eric charles hmm… well, you’re right. there are no rules. before i start into my response, let me say that i do appreciate you giving your comment. i don’t agree with it, but i don’t have anything against you for sharing it – it is appreciated here. there’s no rule that says you can’t talk about religion, politics, abortion or any other loaded subject at a company picnic. but that doesn’t mean it’s an intelligent idea. at the very least, it would be a bad idea to just blindly make a comment that could be volatile without considering the effect it could have. she got my opinion and now she has yours too. the truth of the matter with this section is that people are going to do whatever they feel like doing anyway. i’m not here to tell anyone what to do or what’s “right”. but if someone asks for my opinion, i will give them reasonable things to consider to the best of my ability. let me clarify this a bit. i don’t want to come off as me being mean – not what i’m going for. all i’m trying to say is that saying “i love you” is a very loaded phrase for some people. just because you would take it a certain way doesn’t mean someone else would take it that way. and just because one guy would take it one way doesn’t mean that that’s the right or wrong way to take it. you don’t know because you’re not them. so my point is that if you don’t know, you should (at the very least) proceed with caution. contemplate a few different points of view. generally speaking, it’s not an ideal strategy to just rattle off the first thing that comes to your mind just because you feel like saying it. it sounds romantic and lovely, but it is my opinion that it’s not a great idea in this case. again, my opinion. may 31, 2009, 9:42 pm kate pfft what a load of rubbish! main reason fella’s say it is because they know it matters to us? c’mon, only a guy who hasn’t been in love could say that sort of thing…! there should be no ‘rules’ surrounding the saying of “i love you” …. you say it when the time feels right, if the other person doesn’t say it back, it’s clear that you’re not on the same page… and this should be a fairly good indication of where to go next… may 31, 2009, 5:27 pm max this! this article is reducing love down to politics “when you play the game of thrones you win or you die” that’s not how i want my relationship to feel, i’m always the one to say i love you first because i fall very quick and hard, but i would love to hear it first, it wont happen but i would love it if it did. june 30, 2012, 6:56 am paul as a guy, i love it when a woman i’m with says i love you and yes i do care, it was a dream of mine for a long time to have a woman say it to me first. i recently had a woman i really care for say it to me on the fourth date in a very warm embrace and it felt so good i said i love you too without hesitation. i dated a woman for a year and a half and i told her i love you a few times and she never said it back once. it broke my heart so much. march 12, 2015, 2:01 am